I didn't realize until this moment how much of a fraud I feel like I am walking through this life. I have no idea what I am doing. I feel like each day, I am making it up as I go.
If you look at my social media, it seems like I have it all figured out. I am having the time of my life and living my best life.
Truthfully, I am just a mess. I miss my old life, my friends, and cool breezes.
A few months ago, I realized that conflicting things can exist at the same time. I can be happy and know this move and these choices were the right thing, but I can also be homesick.
And yet, as I write this, I wonder if so much of these feelings are just fighting against all the things we were taught as the way to live and go through this life: get the 9-5, get married, have the kids, but the house, know exactly what every day is going to look like until you die, and that fulfillment comes from a complete and utter lack of surprises.
Yet, I think of the times that I've felt the most like myself, and it's been when I've lived in the moment, when I've let myself be surprised and guided by things bigger than me.
So I don't know what I am doing...but I need to have faith that I am being guided and taken on the exact journey I was meant for.
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