57 Things Lawyers And Judges Witnessed In Court That They Still Can’t Forget

One of my clients had a reputation for violence in the courtroom. Mostly directed at furniture, such as flipping the large oak council’s table.

When the judge denied my bail motion, he stood up, told the judge to go [to hell], and mooned him in open court.

Defendant didn’t stand when the judge walked in.

Judge: “you like games?!? What’s your favorite? Monopoly? Clue? Mine is locking people up! Sheriff!”

I guess technically it happened in the hallway outside the courtroom but pro se litigant physically attacked me and tried to grab my file folders while she was screaming.

This was an employment law case.

well, i saw a lawyer invite a judge outside a courtroom to fight.. the judge took him up on that offer.

Prosecutor: “and how do you know that’s the attacker?”
Witness: “look at her, she’s shaped like a bell pepper. Ain’t too many [women] in the city shaped like bell peppers”

I was a juror on a trial. On the last day of testimony, the defendant took the stand and introduced a theory to explain how his wife "passed away". The cat did it.

So not my story but my dad’s (verified as true by multiple sources): Dad was cross examining witness. Dad getting under witness’s skin because witness is full of BS and dad won’t let up. Witness eventually tells dad angrily, “And if I’m lying then may God strike me!”

Witness has a heart attack on the stand less than five minutes later and does indeed [pass away].

Passed out in court once. The judge was finalizing my divorce. He asked my ex if she was pregnant, to which she answered, "Yes." Next thing I know, my chin hurt like a bastard and the bailiff was easing me into my chair. In West Virginia (and probably a lot of other states), if the woman is pregnant, a divorce can't be granted until paternity is established. But no test was needed. After they got me calmed down, the ex said, "I'm not pregnant. I thought you said 'Are you present?'"

As a junior associate in a big law firm in the late 1980s, I was arguing motion in court when the (male) senior associate crept up behind me and started whispering in my ear. The judge, a woman, said "she’s doing just fine by herself, you can go sit down".

I was cross examining a physician in a divorce and kept calling him Mr. He kept correcting me and calling me Mrs which I'm not so I corrected him that I too had a doctorate degree so he could use that title. When I nailed him in a lie he slipped and called me [jerk]. Judge leaned over and said I believe that would be Dr. [Jerk].

This one from way back: Defendant called the District Court judge a "four eyed, baldheaded, sawed-off [jerk]." Judge answered "admitted, admitted, admitted, denied. 30 days direct criminal contempt."

Not me, but my son’s dad. Tried to contest his arrears by calling a hearing. The judge reads our original order and says do you understand? He says yes. The judge reads the receipts and says do you understand? He says yes. The judge says so you called this hearing to embarrass yourself in my chambers and admit you’re incompetent and don’t take care of your child on the record? Silence.

My divorce. A big screen tv was wheeled in, and there I am in my back yard adjusting my bikini top, sunbathing. My jerk ex had hired a PI to sneak around and film me. To prove I didn't need alimony.

Literally yesterday, judge gave my client a final protective order, read the order to her ex, he had been remanded for breaking the order 3x. Judge asks “Do you understand?”

“Yes, your honor.” Then proceeds to walk over and throw a letter at my client. I’m blocking him as 4 bailiffs tackle him and take him back to jail.

Judge says to his lawyer, “Do we need a translator?”

My dad took my mom to court 17 times to reduce his child support payments. You would think that after the 3rd time he went to court and the judge upped the child support payments that he would stop. But not my dad. Child support payments were upped each time my dad tried to get it reduced. And then he wanted my mom to pay for his lawyers fees. I was 1yo when he left and 16yo when he finally stopped taking my mom to court.

Defendant (tenant) had a medical episode in the middle of a trial. Landlord started recording under the table (big no-no to videotape in the courtroom).
Paramedics came, took Def. out on a stretcher.
Landlord’s lawyer is rolling his eyes and murmuring to the gallery.

Judge: “ok, we’re going to have to continue this. 1 week?”

Landlord’s lawyer: “We object. He was faking it to get out of court.”

Judge: “If he’s faking it, he’s winning an Oscar.”

🍒 : landlord arrested for videotaping in court.

My son, 17, got a speeding ticket in a nearby parish. Of course I had to go to court with him. Courtroom packed. We had to sit there while they brought up those who had been arrested. They were in cuffs and leg irons and dressed in the wide black-and-white stripes from the cartoons! They were to say their names when asked, told the charge and asked: How do you plead? They were to say: Not guilty. And then they were given a date. Two rows of them. It was going very quickly UNTIL:

Judge: What is your name?

Person: Go to hell!

Judge: 30 days. What is your name?

Person: Go to hell!

Judge: 30 days. What is your name?

Person: F you!

Judge: 30 days. What is your name?

Person: Go to hell!

Judge: 30 days. What is your name?

Judge never changes his tone, looks at the courtroom, smiles: I can do this all day.

Got a different answer the next time!

Voir dire.

There was police testimony planned, so the judge asked each prospective juror about past encounters with law enforcement, including if they had been arrested, for what, and the disposition.

After one woman said yes, the judge asked “for?”

“[Ending someone].”

After a brief pause, “and the disposition?”

“They let me go because it was self defense.”

The judge started to move to the next prospective juror, when the woman interrupted “well, don’t you want to hear about the other times?”

Not “shocking” but there was a pro se criminal defendant who came to every hearing and to file in the Clerk’s Office wearing the exact outfit he was wearing in every single piece of video evidence.

Foster parents can tell so many sad stories. Most involve sitting in court and hearing a lot of details about multiple types of hurt actively going on in a house, and then after the judge hears all of that, they rule against the advice of the social worker and GAL and decide the kids are going back to that home TODAY and there’s no time to even prepare the kids.