Should we be honest about our feelings or should we do our best to hide them so that we don’t offend anyone at all? It’s a question that many people constantly ask themselves and there’s really no easy answer. It’s best to strike a balance between honesty and keeping up appearances. However, it’s a difficult task because you might accidentally hurt someone you love either way. And you never know how someone might react to the truth.
36-year-old Michael, aka redditor Throwaway168900, turned to the AITA community on Reddit for advice because he was feeling guilty about having shared his honest feelings about his fourth daughter’s birth.
You see, Michael had hopes that his latest newborn would be a boy. He opened up about this to his wife after she asked him why he felt sad. Though, keep in mind, the dad is over the moon and thoroughly happy about his fourth child. It’s just that he had a moment of complete honesty.
However, when his mother found out, she accused him of having a misogynistic mindset. You’ll find the full story below, dear Pandas. Have a read and let us know what you think of the entire situation and if honesty is always the best policy. While most reddit users thought that the dad didn't do anything wrong, others had a very different opinion.
Michael, aka redditor Throwaway168900, was kind enough to answer a few of my questions. He told Bored Panda that he was "totally shocked" by how far his post spread online. "I couldn’t believe thousands have people had 'Reddit' (get it?)," he punned about so many people having read his post.
"I believe my post really took off because it’s a controversial and touchy subject for many people. Many people have experienced not being loved/cared for properly as a child due to their parents wanting a different gender. Childbirth is always a sensitive topic and especially how in today’s society with the huge wave of feminism and anti-sexism. My post would definitely would’ve been a hot topic of discussion," he shared with Bored Panda. Read on for our full interview with the author of the post himself.
A dad shared that he felt disappointed for a moment when he realized that his fourth child was another girl, not a boy
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema (not the actual photo)
He went into detail about what happened and how his wife and mother reacted to his honest feelings
Image credits: throwaway168900
Being from a large family myself, I was curious to find out what it's like to raise so many children for a father. Michael said that the main challenge, at least for him, isn't financial but developing deep relationships with his children.
"I’m blessed to say I live a very comfortable life so monetary issues have never arisen, but the main challenge I feel is connecting to each of my daughters as best as I can. I’ll be honest, with four daughters, while running a business, while providing for them, it’ll be difficult for me to connect with all four of my children the same," he told Bored Panda.
"Time is limited and with four kids and one newborn and one just three, it becomes hard to manage what everyone enjoys. My eldest daughter (13) and I are very close, she confides in me and I have spent the most time with her because she gravitates towards me naturally. My 2nd oldest daughter (8) and I aren’t as close, she is very attached to my wife, her mother, and rarely will go anywhere without her," Michael was candid about his family.
"In no way shape or form do I love any of my daughters more than the other. They all are my daughters, my kin and I will love, protect and cherish them all equally. No matter how many things I can buy them, I can’t buy time. My 8-year-old wants to go to the zoo this week, but my 13-year-old wants to go to the amusement park with me, I really wish and want to do both, but it’s just not feasible," he explained how tough it is to juggle spending quality time with everyone.
Finally, I wanted to get Michael's take about whether or not it's always best to be honest. "Honesty is 99% of the time the best policy. Even if it’s hurtful, you must be honest, because it’ll come out sooner or later," he told me.
"Tiny white lies on the occasion like if your day was bad but you say it was good. That’s fine, that’s normal, should be expected. We are all humans with emotions and feelings and we can’t be expected to be perfectly open 24/7 even with our SO. But if you are keeping something that you know will hurt or change the dynamics of your life, you must come clean," he pointed out that it's incredibly important to open up in these cases. No matter how much it hurts.
"Coming clean even if it will sting at first, will always hurt less than when they find out you lied. My case was a bit different, I didn’t even speak to my wife about my feelings, unlike what some redditors think. My wife mentioned a few days after birth when my daughter and she came home that she noticed my face curve after the delivery."
He continued: "My wife wasn’t mad because she was hoping for a son too, it was more my mother who was mad, but she has an odd POV for this. But looking back, maybe denying it and saying I was just tired would’ve been the safe option, but I have no regrets, to be honest. My wife and I’s relationship has only gotten stronger after admitting it."
Reddit was split on how to react. Most users thought that loving dad Michael didn't do anything wrong, though
However, others were much harsher. They believe that the father was a jerk for having wanted a son
The Atlantic notes that even though American parents used to have a strong preference for boys, there’s been a shift indicating that more parents now hope to have a girl. However, on the whole, dads tend to want to have sons and moms tend to want to have daughters.
In Michael’s own words, his disappointment “lasted a second if that” and quickly disappeared after he held his newborn daughter in his hands. The sadness was fleeting, but it was also an honest reaction. And I personally don’t think that we can fault anyone for being candid. Especially if your loved one asks you to open up to them.
The redditor added that his wife wasn’t mad at him about wanting a son. She said that she wants to have a boy sometime in the future as well. So the couple seems to be in sync.
What’s more, Michael noted that his own father “was very sexist and abusive” toward him and his entire family, so it’s understandable that his mother “gets a bit sensitive in these issues.”
The vast majority of redditors noted that Michael wasn’t a jerk. According to them, he was simply being honest, he absolutely loves his kids, and he has the emotional intelligence to question whether or not he was right.
Alas, some redditors weren’t as kind and thought that Michael’s mother was right on the money with her verdict. But what do you think, dear Pandas? Share your thoughts and insights in the comment section.