For some people, setting boundaries can be one of the most challenging things they have ever had to do. Their difficulty could be due to various reasons, such as fear of rejection, feelings of selfishness, or people-pleasing tendencies.
This woman seemed to have this issue, which arose while she was planning her daughter’s birthday celebration. A bit of trouble began when she had to set a guest limit for the party due to financial constraints.
After crafting a reasonable RSVP message, she began feeling guilty, so much so that she turned to the Reddit community for some validation.
Some people find it challenging to set boundaries
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
A woman had to set a guest limit for her daughter’s birthday party
Image credits: Anastasia Kazakova / freepik (not the actual photo)
However, she felt like she was being a jerk for doing so
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / freepik (not the actual photo)
She also wondered whether it is standard practice for parents to expect that all their children would be invited to parties
Image credits: Select-Explorer5669
Fifty-eight percent of Americans admitted to having trouble saying no
The woman in the story isn’t alone in her apparent struggle to set firm boundaries with others. A 2022 survey by Thriving Center of Psychology revealed that 58% of American adults have trouble saying no to others.
The survey further revealed that 63% consider themselves to be people pleasers, while 34% feel pressured to say yes to a commitment they don’t want to be in to begin with.
Why can it get so difficult, then? According to psychotherapist, keynote speaker, and author Dr. Kristen Lee, it usually revolves around three factors: the fear of missing out, perfectionism, and social conditioning.
While FOMO is mostly self-explanatory, Dr. Lee says that perfectionism may lead a person to believe that saying no is either a sign of weakness or a moral failing.
Meanwhile, social conditioning may play a role, since, as Dr. Lee explains, our identities are often tied to how much we do for others.
“Too many yeses can leave us exhausted and missing out on greater opportunities to stay focused on the kinds of goals that help us to flourish,” she noted.
Dr. Lee offered some advice on how to develop healthier boundaries, beginning with defining what’s most important to you. These include core values and how they are showing up in your daily life.
It also helps to look at the bigger picture and say no to less important things while keeping your yeses for the ones that matter most.
The woman may have felt like she was being a jerk, but in the grand scheme of things, she was merely being reasonable, given her financial constraints.
The mom provided more information about her story
Most people thought she was being reasonable, but encouraged her to be more direct with her message
