Unfortunately, the reality is that not all parents are capable of raising their children well. They might be more interested in their own lives than their kids’. They may have deep-seated issues that prevent them from caring for others. They might make their kids dependent on them to an unhealthy extent. Or they only take care of their kids because they have something to gain from it.
One 18-year-old, redditor u/EmRaEv, went viral all over the r/pettyrevenge subreddit after sharing how her mother kicked her out after she refused to help her evade taxes. You’ll find the story, as well as all of its updates, as you read on.
Bored Panda got in touch with the author of the massively viral story, redditor u/EmRaEv. She was kind enough to answer our questions and revealed just how much her life has improved ever since she left her mom’s home. Scroll down for our full interview with the OP.
The fact is that not all parents see their children as a priority. Some only view them as a means to reach their own goals
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
One 18-year-old shared how her mom kicked her out after a falling out over the adult's money problems
Image credits: Donald Tong / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author later shared an update where she went into detail about how horrible it was living with her mother
Image credits: Darya Sannikova / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: kismihok / Flickr (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Engin Akyurt / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
She later answered some internet users' questions about her situation
Image credits: Vinta Supply Co / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: EmRaEv
"In the month I’ve been away from her, all I can say is that I’m doing better than I ever have before"
“I never expected my post to get as much attention as it did! It was so wild to get so many comments. It was a good distraction at the time and put things into perspective. It felt so validating to have evidence of just how crazy my life has been when all of this just feels so mundane to me,” redditor u/EmRaEv said that sharing her story on the internet has had a positive impact.
Bored Panda asked the author about how her life has changed ever since she got kicked out. “In the month I’ve been away from her, all I can say is that I’m doing better than I ever have before. I’ve been living with my dad, and I just feel healthier. I wake up at 8 am instead of 1 pm. I eat three meals a day at a table, instead of snacking and rotting in bed. I take regular walks outside. My creativity is back, so I can enjoy drawing and writing again. I’ve been getting a steady 7-8 hours of sleep, and I can think clearly without feeling tired all the time,” she opened up to us.
“I’m finally learning how to drive, cook, clean, and everything else I’m far behind on. I’m finally learning how to be a person. I am thriving.”
According to the OP, not everyone realizes that someone in their life is controlling how they think. “When my mother would lie to me, I would always believe her 100%. Her lies sound the same as her truths. It’s impossible to tell the difference when her lies are the truth in her reality. It never [occurred] to me that she might be lying to me because why would she? Why would your own mother lie to you? Then I remember who she is. What kind of person she is. But only after I’ve already given her what she wants,” she explained.
Speaking up, in the author’s opinion, is incredibly important if you find yourself in a tough situation with your relatives. “Tell others what you’re going through, especially if it doesn’t seem that bad. Someone will hear your story and realize what you have been made blind to," she said.
The author had some words of support and wisdom to share with anyone who's in a similar situation as she was
People like my mother, manipulators, win when you stay isolated, [and] when you aren’t talking to anyone who can stop them. It’s why she turned me against her boyfriend, who, I’m realizing now, was a great guy. She made sure we hated each other so she could tell us separate lies, and we would never come together to talk about it.”
Redditor u/EmRaEv told Bored Panda that after her mom kicked her out, her mother told her boyfriend “all kinds of lies” about how the OP supposedly ran away after an argument.
“She made him send angry messages and call my friend’s family. She tried to make me scared of him so I would stay away from him. But then I answered one of his calls, just to know what she told him. It was… I don’t have the words to describe it.”
The OP shared some advice with anyone who’s found themselves in a similar situation as she was. “All I can say is: Hey, if you’re reading this, please get out of there, man. No one deserves to feel so miserable all of the time. She has been like this her entire life. The bond between you two is artificial. If she truly cared about you, when was the last time she gave you a gift? Were you mad recently? Do you feel uneasy when she walks [into] the room? Why is it only now, when she’s changed the locks, that you get a key to your own apartment you pay for? You deserve so much better than her. You deserve to be happy.”
The author told Bored Panda that her expectations of what a good parent is like have become completely skewed over the years. “I would be overjoyed with a mother that just left me alone. I’d understand if she just couldn’t be a good parent and kept her craziness to herself. Anything better feels unrealistic, like a fantasy. Secondly, acknowledging all the ways a parent is good would be to acknowledge all the ways I was neglected. There are just some things you can’t think about until you’re ready,” she explained her stance on everything.
“So, in my experience, I know that a child should feel loved, trusted, and safe. Anything less is a fundamental failure on the parent’s side.” The OP added a final message to everyone: “It never seems like it until you’re there, but it will get better one day. I promise.”
The teenager found herself in a very tough situation. Fortunately, she had dependable people who had her back
The author of the post updated the story after it went viral. She shared a ton of additional context about just how bad things had gotten at home. The OP also answered a lot of the questions that other people had.
“I was raised to be dependent on my mother. I wasn’t even taught to think for myself. I’m just now starting to undo all the damage she’s done. Her kicking me out will be the kindest thing she’s ever done for me,” Reddit user u/EmRaEv opened up to her readers.
The author stated that she’s been in therapy for around a year. She also wrote that she has depression and has been diagnosed with c-PTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder).
This is a tough situation for anyone to be in, let alone an 18-year-old who’s just been kicked out by her own mother. However, the situation is far from grim. The author appears to have a very strong social network of people ready to support her through thick and thin. Those people include the OP’s friend, who gave her a hand packing and moving, as well as her father, who, it appears, has been a huge help as well.
“He’s going to help me get my life together and make sure I’m successful. It feels weird for once to be thought of without anyone else gaining anything from it,” u/EmRaEv wrote about how empathetic and unconditionally supportive her dad has been so far.
Parents need to cultivate greater self-awareness if they feel they're not meeting their children's core needs
While no parent is ever ‘perfect,’ that’s no excuse for mistreating your kids. First and foremost, good parents need to provide the basics. Food. Shelter. Education. Clothing. That’s the stuff many of us think about first.
However, equally as important (if not more so) are a child’s emotional needs. This includes physical contact that is vital for a child’s development (e.g. hugs, touch, etc.), as well as taking your kids’ feelings into account, being involved in their life, and genuinely supporting them.
What definitely is not okay is manipulating your child or making them feel as though you’ll only ever give them attention if they’re ‘useful.’ Pressuring your kid to do some financially iffy business for you because of your money problems is despicable; there’s no other word for it.
Parents are responsible for acting like grownups. If they cannot, they should at least strive to get the help that they need, whether that’s to sort out their debt, improve their emotional intelligence, or improve their mental health.
In the meantime, they ought to ensure that their children are looked after by a capable guardian, whether that’s a stable family member or a trusted friend. If that’s not possible, the parent should consider what’s best for the child and potentially reach out to the state for assistance.
However, developing this level of self-awareness and putting one’s ego aside for the sake of someone else’s welfare doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a long and painful process that requires a ton of introspection and possibly the help of a counselor.
No child should feel like they're responsible for fixing all of their parents' problems or ensuring their happiness
As licensed psychotherapist and author Judith Belmont explains, children have the right to be treated with respect and should not feel guilty about enforcing healthy boundaries.
“You have a right to prioritize your own needs. You have a right not to meet other people’s expectations when they are unhealthy or unreasonable,” she said.
‘Charlie Health’ explains that you may need to start setting better boundaries with your parents when there are unhealthy family dynamics at play.
For instance, if you feel responsible for your parents’ happiness or if they feel like they should know absolutely everything that goes on in your life.
What’s more, children should not feel like they’re the only ones responsible for ‘fixing’ their parents’ problems. There’s also an issue if the kids can’t develop a “strong sense of self” due to how they were raised. Moreover, boundaries are an absolute necessity if parents shame you for making choices that give you more autonomy.
Many readers were rooting for the author. They shared their support and gave her some advice
