Playing favorites in your family hardly ever ends well. Research shows that parents are likely to silently and unconsciously prefer one of their kids over the others. But it becomes a huge issue when they vocalize it. Or, in this case, when they put their money where their mouths are.
The internet rushed in to comment on a senior woman’s decision to update her will to favor her “less successful” son rather than split her inheritance equally among her adult children. Her choice sparked major drama and resulted in an even bigger rift in her family. Keep scrolling to read the full story and all the criticism coming the mom’s way.
Parental favoritism can lead to a lot of stress, anxiety, and resentment. Fights over finances are rarely about the money itself
This mom decided to change her will to reward her "less successful" firstborn at the expense of his younger brother. Here's what happened next
Parents tend to favor their children who have a certain temperament
Like it or not, the reality is that some parents tend to prefer some of their children over others. And this behavior has lasting repercussions that can follow children into adulthood. In layman’s terms, it hurts to realize that your parents might love and support your siblings more than you, even if they aren’t aware of it.
Temperament, responsibility, and how easy or difficult you are to deal with might all impact this behavior.
A meta-analysis of studies published by the American Psychological Association found that parents look more favorably upon their agreeable and conscientious children. These kids are easier to manage. What’s more, both moms and dads prefer their daughters to sons. And older siblings tend to get more autonomy than their younger siblings.
Parents display favoritism in a wide variety of ways. For example, how much money they spend on them, how much they try to control them, how they interact with them, etc. Children whose parents favor them less have poorer mental health and more strained family relationships. You can also end up feeling socially isolated and dealing with serious self-esteem issues.
Financial favoritism can lead to a lot of jealousy and resentment, the BBC stresses. Moreover, it can even lead to legal disputes after a parent passes away. And yet, these finance-related arguments are often not even about the money itself.
“Financial support from parents often carries a powerful emotional meaning and some siblings tend to interpret differences in support as signs of favouritism, unequal love or a lack of recognition,” says Dr. Fenia Christodoulidi, from counselling service Relate.
Financial favoritism can lead to resentment. However, this familial rift isn't necessarily permanent
Naturally, there will be situations where, for practical reasons, parents need to support and treat their children differently. For example, one of your children might be earning significantly less money, they might have (more) trouble buying property, or they are dealing with illness.
The key here is to be open and transparent. Communicate the reasons for this differential treatment as clearly as you can. Otherwise, you’re simply leaving room for resentment and misunderstanding to grow. Dr. Christodoulidi suggests having “open conversations about expectations and the reasons behind decisions.”
Meanwhile, solicitor and mediator Claire Webb, from Family Solutions Now, told the BBC about the types of situations she regularly handles. “One sibling might argue the other was given more money earlier on in life, say, to buy a house, and that the parents said this would be reflected in the will. Then the will says, 'everything should be shared equally'. So you have all of that historic feeling of unfairness being dredged up,” she said.
According to Webb, legal disputes often find friendly ways to solve the situation. “Most of the time there is a deep-down family bond - and if you can crack what started the problem they often find a way through.”
So, parents need to proactively be as clear as possible about what they want while they’re still alive and well.
To avoid conflict, she says parents need to be clear with their children about what they want while they are still alive. Meanwhile, the siblings themselves should look for the core reasons behind their disagreements, instead of focusing just on the inheritance itself.
What’s more, you should try to give your relatives the benefit of the doubt. Do not make assumptions about your siblings’ financial situation or the reasons behind your parents’ decisions. Try to actively listen to their perspective, and look for some common ground.
Once you’ve finished reading the story and all the internet users’ perspectives, we want to hear from you in the comments. Do you think the mom was wrong to favor her “less successful” son in her will, or do you think she was right to give him a bit more support? What do you think the woman can do to heal the rift in her family? Have you ever seen or personally experienced favoritism, financial or otherwise, in your family or at someone else’s home? Join the conversation and share your thoughts.
The mom's story went viral, and she shared more details about her family in the comments
Many readers called the author out for her behavior and blatant favoritism
Not everyone was on the same page. Some folks came out in support of the mom's choice
