We all take some things for granted, like being able to meet up with our family and friends whenever we feel like it. It can be incredibly difficult to maintain contact with your loved ones if they live in another city or even abroad. Though we have access to modern technologies that help us maintain our relationships—instant messaging, video calls, what have you—they’re still not a replacement for in-person communication.
It can be devastating to realize that someone you care about deeply has blocked you on social media without an explanation, leading to estrangement. That’s the harrowing situation one mom found herself in. The anonymous woman asked the Mumsnet community for advice after her adult daughter and son, who live far away, with no contact, not just with her but with the entire family. Scroll down for the full story.
If you are unfamiliar with abbreviations used on parenting-focused forums and sites like Mumsnet, here’s a quick cheat sheet. DC means ‘darling children.’ DD means ‘darling daughter.’ DS means ‘darling son.’ DH means ‘darling husband.’ And AIBU means ‘am I being unreasonable.’
Family estrangement can be very painful for everyone involved. For many people, it can come out of the blue
Image credits: prostock-studio (not the actual image)
A panicking mom turned to the internet for advice after her adult children, who live abroad, suddenly blocked her and the entire family on social media
Image credits: Michelle Forrest (not the actual image)
Image credits: Louanne12
Image credits: Julian Christ (not the actual image)
There are lots of potential reasons why kids might want to cut off contact with their parents once they grow up and leave home
The author of the now-viral internet post shared that she and her husband live in France. Meanwhile, her daughter is based in London, England, while her son is halfway around the world, in Sydney, Australia.
According to the mom, her adult children had met up in Sydney when they decided to cut all contact with their extended family. From the parent’s perspective, she and her husband gave their kids lots of support throughout their lives, so they were very confused about these metaphorical bridges being burned so quickly, seemingly out of the blue.
As per Psychology Today, there are various reasons why family estrangement occurs. Broadly speaking, people decide to distance themselves from their relatives due to long-lasting negativity in their relationships.
Often, this process happens over a long period of time, and some people can feel completely blindsided. Estrangement can be a painful process for everyone involved.
Some of the most common reasons for estrangement include neglect, betrayal, abuse, bullying, a lack of support, and unaddressed mental illness. Among other factors are destructive behaviors and substance abuse.
Family estrangement is not uncommon. The good news is that, given enough time and effort, reconciliation is possible in most cases
Around 17% of young adults experienced estrangement, especially with their fathers, over various issues, from religion and political views to sexual orientation, gender identity, and choice of spouse.
Meanwhile, about 12% of older adults are estranged from their adult children. Slightly less than half of these situations are initiated by the parents themselves, but estrangement is usually put into motion by their adult kids. “Adult children mostly cut off parents because of abuse or neglect, destructive behavior, or feeling uncared for.”
Psychotherapist Jeanne Safer notes that there are two main personality types who are prone to being estranged from their siblings. Namely, individuals who are extremely hostels and those who are so-called ‘grievance collectors’ who “nurse festering wounds that are decades old.”
On the flip side, people who move past any childhood injustices they experienced, have fulfilling relationships, and enjoy flourishing careers are less likely to hold onto estrangement. This is because they’re less likely to fixate on the past.
Psychology Today states that a whopping 79% of estranged family members believe that they will never be able to reconcile. The reality is rather different. Just under a third (29%) of children who cut off their parents remain estranged. The rest manage to reconcile, though it takes a lot of time and mutual effort.
What are your thoughts, dear Pandas? What would you do in the mom’s situation? What advice would you give her moving forward? How would you react if some of your relatives suddenly started ignoring you without any explanation? Have you ever cut someone out of your life? If so, were you able to reconcile and move past your differences? Let us know in the comments.
Later, the author shared a bit more context about her children's childhood
Here's how some readers on the internet reacted to the mom's appeal for help. They speculated about what the real issue might be
