Most of us have experienced that one flight in which there was a crying baby. And in such a situation, it’s the role of both parents to ensure that they tend to the crying child. But, sometimes, one parent gets stuck with this tough situation while the other disengages completely from it.
Just like the situation that Reddit user Fancy-Parsnip-3415 witnessed on a flight where the mom was stressed with taking care of the crying kids (yes, plural), while the husband was quietly enjoying the flight. Even the flight attendants came to help, but the dad was least bothered of all!
More info: Reddit
The poster of this story got on a flight, where sitting nearby was a very young woman with a toddler and 2 kids
Image credits: Paul Hanaoka (not the actual photo)
While the young mom was handling the baby, her daughter was crying as she didn't want to put the seatbelt on and the mom looked very stressed
Image credits: u/Fancy-Parsnip-3415
Image credits: Soly Moses (not the actual photo)
Even the flight attendants came and tried to help as much as they could but they couldn't really do much
Image credits: u/Fancy-Parsnip-3415
While this chaos was ongoing, the dad was least bothered by it as he was just sitting and enjoying the flight
In this story, the original poster (OP) tells us about a crying baby incident on a flight. There was a young mother sitting close by with a baby, and two other kids of around 3 and 4 years old, approximately. The 4-year-old didn’t want to put on the seatbelt and was crying loudly, while the 3-year-old was the opposite and wanted to put on the seatbelt but couldn’t, leaving both frustrated.
The poor mom was handling the baby while also trying to pacify the other two kids and she looked extremely stressed. It’s only natural for her to be because dealing with cranky kids while others are judging you can be quite overwhelming. Even the flight attendants tried to help the stressed mom, but there was not much that they could do.
Now, while all this chaos is ongoing, the dad was peacefully sitting across the aisle, least bothered about what his wife or kids are going through. And even when the flight landed, he was in such a rush to get out, that he didn’t wait for the seatbelt sign to go off and stood up. Well, that got him reprimanded by the flight attendant.
Whenever we come across a similar scenario where one parent is being burdened while the other is totally disengaged, we feel frustrated. The poster did, too, so the story ended up on Reddit. And guess what? Even the netizens were pretty outraged by this. Many even shared similar experiences where the fathers had reacted in the same disengaged manner, leaving the mom to deal with things.
People online shamed the man for neglecting his children as they felt it might adversely impact them. Research also suggests that, “Neglected children are more likely than their peers to experience behavior problems, develop psychiatric disorders and/or engage in substance misuse, or display emotional challenges, such as difficulties connecting with or trusting others.”
Image credits: Jep Gambardella (not the actual photo)
To get expert insights, Bored Panda reached out to Luvena Rangel who works for Hank Nunn Institute, a not-for-profit charitable trust, that creates therapeutic spaces for individuals to collaboratively reflect on long-standing intrapersonal, interpersonal, and prosocial difficulties. Miss Rangel is a holistic health practitioner, a yoga teacher trainer, and has also completed her therapeutic counseling certification.
According to her, “Children intuitively pick up on the energy and stress of their caregivers. However, the spectrum of their response may vary from overcompensation to manipulation. It is possible for children to take on the responsibility of shouldering parental responsibilities, providing emotional comfort and even nervous regulation to their adult caregivers.”
“On the other end of the spectrum, children might learn escapism and even dissociation to avoid stress. Overall, children learn caregiving and coping ‘habits’ that may be of disservice to them instead of skills that equip them with resilience.”
People online were also enraged that the woman had to bear the brunt of the cranky kids alone. Miss Rangel mentioned that the stress of meeting the needs of young humans with a disengaged partner can be overwhelming. And a person can feel frustrated, inadequate, and hopeless. She also stressed that even the inability to self-regulate during chaotic episodes aggravates an already-triggered environment that could lead to depressive symptoms and dysfunctional parenting.
When we asked Miss Rangel about what psychological factors could make a parent disengaged in a stressful situation involving children, she said, “Generational conditioning and gendering of parenting roles are strong factors where childcare has often been relegated to mothers while fathers provide for the family and rein in authoritarian discipline.”
Apart from that, she also thinks that dysfunctional parenting from the parents’ own caregivers that normalized negative communication and detachment tactics is also a very strong cause of learned parenting patterns. She believes that a lot of parenting structures display common power dynamics in individual personalities that mirror how our parents parented us.
It could be possible that the couple is just reflecting the same parenting patterns that they saw among their parents as kids. In fact, a lot of Redditors also said that they saw the exact same scene with their parents, as well. We hope that there comes a time in the near future when this vicious cycle of burdening one parent stops. Wouldn't you want that, too? Feel free to jot down your thoughts in the comments!
Netizens were outraged by the man's behavior but many also opened up about similar instances they had faced with men like him
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
