The thing about people is that it's impossible to always please them. Imagine juggling a million and one things at the same time, and then someone comes along to point out the things you're not doing well.
Today's Original Poster (OP) was heavily pregnant and in the hospital, therefore leaving her partner to do everything: juggling a full-time job, moving things to their new house, taking care of a kid, and making sure she had everything she needed in the hospital. Her mother, however, felt it was the right time to constantly criticize everything he did.
More info: Mumsnet
Sometimes, it doesn't matter how fast you move or how hard you try, there’s always another complaint popping up, and that was the case for this author's partner
Image credits: cookie_studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author is pregnant and has been admitted into the hospital, leaving her partner to juggle quite a number of things
Image credits: BeRubySquid
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her mother offered to help with packing since they had been in the process of moving to a new place; however, her mother did nothing but criticize them
Image credits: BeRubySquid
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She had a go at the partner, reminding him that he wasn't good enough for her daughter and kept making digs at him
Image credits: BeRubySquid
After hearing what her mom said to her partner, the author confronted her mom, who owned up to the things she said without regret
When the OP's mother offered to help move things into her new house, it seemed like a much-needed relief. But instead of lending a hand, she arrived with criticism. She immediately had a lot to say and had a go at the OP's partner. She called him unworthy and blamed him for the last-minute problem— completely ignoring the fact that unreliable contractors had caused the delays.
To make matters worse, she kept referring to the OP possessively and eventually told the partner that he wasn't good enough for her. Already under immense pressure from moving and taking care of the kids, the partner was devastated. He called the OP, barely holding back tears, to recount the harsh words.
When the OP confronted her mom, her response carried the same sentiment as "I said what I said". She even added that her partner was controlling just because he said she didn’t have to return to work if she didn’t want to. The conversation ended with the OP's mom dramatically cutting ties, stating she’d walk away and leave them to it.
This has left the OP grappling with whether to let her mother back in when the baby arrives. While guilt lingers, the OP admitted that she hasn't always been close with her mom because she has a history of toxic behavior that gives her severe anxiety. Since apologies aren’t in her mom’s vocabulary, reconciliation seems unlikely.
Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Sudha Fertility Center notes that the stress of pregnancy isn’t just limited to the mother because it can significantly affect the father as well; however, it is not talked about enough. They explain that While expectant mothers often face anxiety, studies show that 1 in 10 fathers experience depression during their partner’s pregnancy or shortly after childbirth.
In moments like that, backlash from parents or in-laws can be discouraging and dangerous. Choosing Therapy refers to such parents as emotionally abusive. They highlight that the ways to identify them is that they often use insults, constant criticism, and yelling to demean and belittle their children or partners.
Moreover, they may engage in the blaming game, holding the child responsible for things that may be going wrong. They can even go further in displaying these toxic behaviors by threatening to leave or abandon the child, especially when emotional support is most needed. Additionally and painfully, they often refuse to acknowledge their own role in problems.
PsychCentral offers key strategies for dealing with toxic parents or in-laws, emphasizing the importance of setting and enforcing boundaries. They advise against trying to please or change them and suggest being mindful of what you share with them. Recognizing their limitations and adjusting your expectations accordingly can help, but only if you choose to.
Netizens agreed that the OP's mother’s behavior was toxic and unnecessary. Some suggested that the mother might be acting out of jealousy, especially since the OP's partner seems like a good and supportive man.
Others tried to find an explanation for her mother's actions, suggesting she might be concerned about the couple not being married or the stress of moving so late in pregnancy. However, the majority argue that regardless of her concerns, she has no right to treat the woman's husband so harshly and should apologize before being allowed to see the baby.
After everything that happened, do you think the OP should let her mom see the baby or leave things as they are? We would love to hear your thoughts!
The mother ended the call by stating she was leaving them alone for good, and netizens believe she's jealous of her daughter who has a stable relationship
