It’s impossible to fully know a person. Even those closest to us have thoughts and feelings they keep hidden. But you definitely want to have at least a good idea of who someone truly is before you choose to spend the rest of your life with them.
Reddit user GirlOnTheBus7 thought she had found a grounded, mature partner, and married him only a few weeks after meeting him. However, she quickly realized that his confident, self-sufficient persona was just a facade, and the reality was far more complicated than she ever imagined.
This woman thought she had finally found a man she could spend the rest of her life with
Image credits: Hatice Baran / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But immediately after marrying him, she realized things weren’t as they seemed
He always looked like he was short on cash
Image credits: Emil Kalibradov / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
As it turned out, the man had other wives and was using them too
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman ultimately decided it was time to leave and started playing the player
Image credits: Ahmet Kurt / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: girlonthebus7
Image credits: wichayada / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Financial infidelity is a real issue, but this is just too extreme
The exact number might slightly differ from country to country, but in the United States, for instance, almost half of adults (43%) believe keeping financial secrets is at least as bad as physical infidelity.
At the same time, almost half of Americans (45%) in committed relationships (defined in this survey as married, living together or in a civil partnership) admit they don’t know everything about their spouse’s or partner’s finances.
However, this woman’s experience clearly shows there are levels to it.
What isn’t being shared isn’t always considered a major secret — 1 in 4 (25%) respondents say they’re keeping secret only minor sources of debt, expenses or income. And about 1 in 10 (11%) say they aren’t discussing credit scores, credit histories, sources of savings or investments.
Only a very small share (9%) say they’re keeping secret what they consider to be major sources of debt, expenses or income.
Interestingly, among those not sharing financial information with their partner, more than 1 in 4 (28%) say they should be allowed to keep some information to themselves.
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
People need to watch out for “future fakers”
Los Angeles-based psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula has a YouTube video with a dire warning about “future-faking,” and she says it's a common manipulation tactic used by narcissists in romantic relationships.
Durvasula explains, “Future faking isn’t about talking about the future in a hopeful way, that’s just wishful thinking.”
“Future faking is trying to entice something from someone else on the basis of a future promise,” she continues. “Future faking is saying [that promise will] happen if the other person in the relationship just sticks around or does something.”
But the goal of the future-faker isn’t to make their promise become a reality. Rather, they want to keep their relationship together in order to get whatever it is that they want — adoration, status, or, as was the case in our story, money.
Durvasula calls the tactic an “utter tragedy for many people in narcissistic marriages.”
“I have had the experience of dealing with many, many folks who have gone through and are still in long-term narcissistic intimate relationships. 40-plus years, even 50 and 60-plus years,” Durvasula adds.
And the one thing Durvasula has learned is that these manipulators “will never” take care of their partner as they age, regardless of their many promises. So at least our Redditor got out sooner rather than later.
As the story drew attention on the internet, the woman shared more details about her predicament
