I don't know when I grew up but I guess I did. I was put under a lot of pressure and heat, and I guess I turned into a diamond. I started off as an overweight 11 year old and now I'm an imperfect 15 year old. I appreciate my imperfections and embrace them wholeheartedly. It wasn't always easy though. In fact it was extremely painful getting to where I am now. But I can stand in front of you today and truthfully say; I'm extraordinarily amazing and beautifully complex. And if I can say it so can you.
Veni, Vidi, Vici
Let's begin.
Heya :) I'm Abby. I'm all of the people below and this is our story.
1.
In the beginning, I was still naive. I wanted to make friends, wanted to have fun, wanted to be myself.
2.
I was clueless, in reality my friends were pretty good to me. I got told I was fat a few times maybe. I was still unscathed
3.
Enter in: Family hardship. My little sister was born with an extra 8th chromosome. My parents were gone for weeks sometimes a month at a time at hospitals.
4.
Quick detour to when I was emotionally stable.
5.
Crippling depression. I don't know what happened really. Everything I guess just caught up to me. Everything was dark. People around me couldn't see it, I'd always been a bright person. Every imperfection seemed to turn into a war against myself. I grew apart from my family. I searched for ways to get out of my head.
6.
There was a time, when I would just...hurt. For no apparent reason I guess. Me being a moody preteen. It was hard. I felt.. nonexistent.
7.
I had always struggled with taking my medicine. I hated it. It made me not..me? I couldn't enjoy food, but that was a plus. I'd skip lunches, blame it on the medicine even when I didn't take it. ADHD had defined my entire life, so what was I supposed to do, when it wasn't a part of me anymore?
8.
I grew up. I don't know when I noticed it really. But something changed. I still skipped doses almost every other day. If you collected all the pills I threw away, you'd have a year's supply. My relationship with my family worsened all the more. Nothing really got better. If it did, it wasn't permanent. I'd been used so many times, trust was not a word.
9.
There was nothing left of me. I had no identity anymore. I skipped my meds still, but ADHD and depression were all I had. Not taking it didn't let me be myself, it let me lose more of myself.
10.
Here's where it started. I was still insecure as ever, and if I remember correctly I didn't take my meds on the day this was taken. But, I saw something good in myself. I saw something I hadn't noticed before. Beauty. Despite all the dark I'd been in, there was still a sliver of light.
I have beautiful eyes.
11.
I let my inner creativity out. I'd been trapped by a self made prison for too long. I'd forgotten my voice. I guess it was time to let a little out.
12.
I started hanging out with my family more. Taking my medicine every day. Telling my parents I loved them. I made a slow transition to the light. I noticed more things about myself that I didn't see before.
I have beautiful skin.
13.
I was an accident prone child. I broke my arm, and had a metal plate inserted into it so the bone would not shift. 5 years later, my bones looked like this. I was to have surgery.
14.
I had arm surgery, and a day after, something happened. My family was torn apart. I cried one day. Then, I took responsibility. I was more broken inside than anyone else was. But they needed me. So I stuffed it down, and helped the rest of my family. I lost an entire chunk of myself, but found a new piece. I couldn't help myself until others had been helped. It came with its consequences. I once knew what I felt and what I could do. Now, I couldn't feel at all. I tried so hard to, but I simply... existed. I skipped an entire month straight of medicine. I was uncontrollable. Anxiety, depression, disfiguration. I had a breakdown. I couldn't keep it all in anymore.
15.
It took months. I still don't know what is happening with what I feel all the time. But at least I remember how to feel. The slivers of light came back in again. I noticed even more things.
I am intelligent.
I am selfless.
I am standoffish.
I am indestructible.
I am sarcastic and cynical.
I am beautiful and amazing in every way.
I needed a storm to show me that I had all I needed. An amazing family, supportive friends, and most importantly, I had school. I immersed myself in learning. All the time. Knowledge was the thing I thirsted for most. I was always intelligent, now I had direction.
16.
Now, I am me. I'm the girl I was 4 years ago. I'm the girl I was when it was dark, light, and in between. I am me medicated, and unmedicated. All of the hell I've been through has made me who I am today. I wouldn't change anything, because I love myself. Powerful words right?
I
Love
Myself.