When we got our positive test result I did what any modern millennial first-time mom would do: I downloaded a bunch of apps, signed up for mailing lists, and watched a heap of YouTube videos. They all advised on symptoms of early pregnancy: nausea, sore breasts, and food aversions or cravings.
So….where are my symptoms?? I mean, this is the first trimester! The bearer of the ever-popularized hallmark of pregnancy: morning sickness. Don’t get me wrong: I don’t delight in the thought of hugging the porcelain. But if it weren’t for the missed period and two positive home pregnancy tests – with my husband to bear witness and reassure me that it was indeed a positive test result that we saw – I wouldn’t believe that I was pregnant. I don’t feel pregnant.
How is it possible to grow a human without a few side effects?? A quick Google search tells me that 30% of pregnant women don’t experience any nausea. If it weren’t for the Magical Pregnancy Unicorn in the What to Expect When You’re Expecting movie, I would never have thought that it was even a possibility.
No doubt there are moms-to-be struggling right now and wishing they were in my shoes…and perhaps urging me to appreciate my situation. Let me be clear: I sympathize for you, but I’m a little sad that I can’t empathize with you. Let’s just say it’s a “the grass is greener on the other side” situation, and it’s left me feeling like I’m missing out on important pregnancy rites-of-passage and memories.
Does this make me less pregnant than other symptom-ridden moms-to-be? Is something wrong with my pregnancy? Or with me? What will I share with other moms-to-be when they’re telling their morning sickness “Remember the time my morning sickness almost made me vomit onto/into/over…” stories? Right now my pregnancy is just theoretical – information on an app that’s telling me what’s happening to my body and baby; what if it means that I’ll have less of an emotional bond with my newborn?
My body has many weeks of baby-making ahead of it. Although I haven’t experienced symptoms yet, tomorrow is a new day and who knows what will happen? One thing all the apps and professionals and moms have said is that each pregnancy is different. No matter what side of the symptom-fence we’re on, what we all hope for is a healthy newborn and a happy parenthood.
