Hey,
My lovely Grandma Ilse turned 100 last year and with the years it is getting more and more difficult for me to spend time with her. She has bad hearing and since lately she started to mix memories with actual things that happen, gets confused easily and so on. For a women of her age she is actual in a good shape, mental and physical. But: Making conversation, talking about this and that like we used to do isn't really possible anymore. So after a short time I get bored and sometimes even annoyed and I noticed, that my visits are getting more and more rare. It used to be like "Oh its wednesday again, lets go to Oma and maybe grab some flowers on the way." and now its "Oh no Wednesday, lets make a quick visit after work and go home soon". And I feel so bad and ashamed for how that has changed :( How do you spend time with your eldery family members and what kind of things can you suggest to do to enjoy with them? I tried to fill some kind of diary with her, you know these "Hey Grandma, tell me about...." books where you talk about their life and write it down. Doesnt work anymore, it is to confusing for her. I tried to bring my dog, so she can enjoy petting and calms down (what works but doenst fill a whole afternoon), I tried to play games with her, like children card games etc.
Maybe I could switch to do more short visits, maybe for a quick coffee while lunchtime at work instead of a whole afternoon/evening once in a while. But then she gets mad and complains that I leave so soon and I'd be always in a hurry :)
Any Ideas? And please dont get me wrong, I really love her and always supported her. Dont want to let the distance spread more and more but I dont know what to do.
Love & regards
#1
My gran was in her 90s and couldn't walk, see or hear so well, but like you I wanted to spend quality time with her ... I always write to her and send her treats so she had something to receive when I couldn't always visit ... I would take her for tea and cake followed by a local amateur musical production. She used to love the colours of the costumes and enjoy the singing that she could hear. It was a way for her to have some escapism and still feel like she was able to get out and do things. Obviously the cake was a huge bonus :-) ... Other times I'd purposefully drive past places she knew when she was younger and just let her enjoy them and recount stories. Simple things that had a huge impact. It's tough seeing our loved ones deteriorate but please continue trying to reach her. Wishing you both all the very best ❤️
1point
#2
Been there and I feel ya. After my grandfather passed my grandma was really lonely and I was the only relative near by. I would have my lunch with her a lot and do whatever I could to be close sometime we'd just nap or if bring a friend and I called a lot. Once things settled down and she got older it was tough to keep things going. I tried to focus on what she liked and was good at. So we cooked and gardened, had spa nights where we'd make homemade masks etc and went to yard sales because she loved to refurb and would spray paint anything! I loved doing all these things too so it was a win win. Later when she was getting more fragile, the meals were simpler and I did more, I'd bring her plants to repot, we'd have spa nights where we'd just massage each other's hands with good smelling lotion and we did crafts and BOATLOADS of origami. I know it was tough sometimes but looking back it was all so good. You're an amazing grandkid and I hope there's some imapiration in this for you somewhere! Lots of love to you both💟
0points
#3
She probably enjoyed several activities in her childhood. Ask her what things she used to do as a kid, hobbies. Have a go at doing them with her. Enjoy her company.
Considering her age try seeing if she knows how to knit, if she does, she could potentially teach you and you could both knit together. If she won't be able to teach you, try learning yourself and surprising her.
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#4
maybe not looking at it as a chore. my grandmother could repeat the same story over and over everytime i visited her and i would still enjoy it like I'm hearing it for the first time, because guess what? that's what grandma's do, even ones that have all there faculties.
0points