Choosing the right name for a baby is probably one of the toughest decisions that parents have to make. And probably a decision that very often leads to fights - whether both parents have different favorite names that sometimes may make it seem impossible to make a joint decision, or whether other family members get offended by the name choice.
And the reasons may vary - maybe they have a strong opinion about the chosen name, they think it’s not suitable for the baby or, as it happened in one Redditor’s story, they wanted the baby to be named after them, but instead it was given another relative’s name.
More info: Reddit
Naming a baby is a tough decision and pressure from other family members doesn’t make it easier
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Woman shares that she just had twins and the labor was a nightmare - so when the couple's families were able to visit, everyone was fussing over the babies
Image credits: Creab ThePolymath (not the actual photo)
However, her dad sat by her and made sure she was taken care of after the long labor - so after a few days, the woman decided she would give her son her dad’s name
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Her husband agreed with this idea, but when her FIL found out, he was pissed - he said this was something that he had always wanted and that it was unfair
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The couple were called jerks for doing this as her FIL has always wanted grandkids to be named after him and they were taking this away from him
Recently, one Reddit user shared her story online asking for community members’ opinions on whether she was being a jerk for naming her son after her father instead of her father-in-law, despite the latter always wanting it. The post caught a lot of folks’ attention and collected over 8.2K upvotes and almost 2K comments.
The original poster (OP) starts her story by explaining that she just had twins and the labor was extremely difficult. When the families were finally able to visit, everyone was fussing over the babies and the woman's husband. However, her dad sat by her first and made sure she was taken care of. After this, OP emphasized that she kept thinking about him and decided to give her son his name as his middle name.
OP’s husband was totally on board with this; however, after FIL found out, he caused quite some family drama. The woman gave a little bit of background, explaining that her FIL has always wanted a grandkid named after him and the couple had already promised to give the same initials as his to their son.
Also, her mother-in-law stood by her husband and told the couple that they were being jerks for doing this to the FIL just because OP’s dad had done something ‘unusual,’ which, to them, was ignoring the babies.
The community members backed up the woman and gave her the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge in this situation. “Why would you want to name a child after this man? His behavior is terrible and I wouldn't want a reminder of this person every time I wrote my kid's full name,” one user wrote. “NTA, namesakes should be given based on the good and positive merits of the person in question. Your dad sounds like a sweetie pie and I love what he did for you,” another added.
Image credits: Dragos Gontariu (not the actual photo)
“I think that what led me to feeling like naming my son after my dad was the right choice was because after my birth when I finally got to go back home, my father made sure I was looked after,” shared the OP with Bored Panda.
She added that her husband was juggling his parents, a postpartum wife and two tiny babies, so having her dad there took the load off him too. “I just realized how valuable my dad was in that moment and how great he had been for my whole life,” she emphasized.
We asked OP what was her husband's initial reaction when she suggested naming her son after her father instead of his father, and she explained that he was alright with it. “He loves my dad too so it didn’t bother him.”
Finally, speaking about the importance for her father-in-law to have a grandkid named after him, she noted that she can’t think of any underlying reasons for such behavior. She added that she can’t imagine why having a namesake grandson would be that important to somebody.
Image credits: Edwin Ariel Valladares (not the actual photo)
Moreover, we got in touch with SJ Strum, baby name expert & celebrity name consultant. She kindly agreed to share her insights about the trend of naming children after grandparents and how it has evolved over time, potential drawbacks and some creative adaptations of grandparents’ names that parents use for their children.
“Traditional name conventions aren’t as popular with modern parents as they were a few generations ago; including passing names down a family,” SJ shared. “We speak to lots of parents-to-be who worry that their decision will cause tension and upset older generations, but who also feel robbed of the chance to pick their own baby’s name (in the case of every son having the name Frank or middle name of their grandparent).”
She pointed out that sometimes it’s the style of the name, but even more importantly, it’s parents’ modern values to raise their children as individuals. “In the past, we expected children to ‘follow in their parents' footsteps’ or stay in the ‘family business’ and having a matching name was how we carried that on.” However, nowadays that’s less of a criteria, so there is a big shift away from passing on names.
Now, speaking about common issues that come with naming kids after grandparents, SJ pointed out that offending one side of the family, as it happened in the story, isn’t uncommon. “One way of sidestepping is to blend a name so two grandparents’ names could be combined into a new middle name, for instance, or using two middle spots.”
SJ added that there is also the reverse, with the new parents arguing with siblings about who gets to use their grandparents' name! “The family tree is a lovely place to look for name inspiration, but we’ve seen sisters doing battle over the name Rose after a beloved grandmother and even heard from siblings who have discussed and agreed on who gets which grandparents name before they even have children!”
The name expert emphasized that she has also heard of living relatives who have been honored feel upset that they share their name - “one was a fallout after the honored relative kept getting called ‘big Sarah’ or ‘old Sarah’ after her name was used again for a baby born into the family and it had really ruffled feathers.”
Finally, we asked SJ to share some common variations or creative adaptations of grandparents' names that she has observed parents using for their children - “Vintage nicknames as first names are booming in the charts as they ‘upcycle’ vintage names.” She added that mixing gender is really lovely - for example, Sandy for a boy honoring Sandra or Bertie for a girl, in honor of Albert.
“Playful vintage names are the next trend for 2024 with Kitty, Mitch, Howie, Marty, Gigi, Joanie. All hitting name lists in honor of loved ones but with a dusting of modern aesthetic and a nod to a more playful and child-centric era of parenting.”
And of course - don’t forget to check out SJ’s podcast Baby Name Envy in which she and her sister Naomi address real baby name drama and dilemmas and choosing stunning names for troubled mums-to-be! Also, check out her website, Instagram and YouTube channel!
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
“Naming children after family members — particularly grandparents or great-grandparents — is a common practice among many cultural groups. Historically, this has been especially common for baby boys, who were more likely to be given names that reinforced their bloodlines than baby girls,” said Sophie Kihm, Editor-in-Chief at Nameberry, to Bored Panda.
She emphasized that particularly in the US, UK, and Australia, there’s been a shift towards using meaningful middle names that are not overtly connected to family members. “Parents are increasingly choosing word names like Love, River, or even Thirteen — the middle name of Kourtney Kardashian’s son Rocky, the thirteenth Kardashian grandchild — for their babies.”
Sophie pointed out that today, it is actually very uncommon for parents to use the name of a grandparent as the first name for their baby. This is mostly style-based — the names of the grandparent generation don’t sound fresh or appropriate for a child today. “As the name pool has diversified and society has moved more towards individualism, the appeal of using a grandparent’s name as a child’s first name has waned,” she explained.
Moreover, speaking about potential drawbacks of using a grandparent’s name for a child’s first name is style. Sophie noted that these names are likely to feel outdated. “But the primary drawback of using a grandparent’s name in the middle is, as OP exemplified, jealousy and fairness. Some grandparents may feel hurt if their name is not chosen as the honor name, which can lead to family arguments as it did in the case of this Reddit user.”
Finally, she shared with us that parents who want to name their children after grandparents are getting creative these days. “We’ve seen parents use a grandparent’s nickname as the first or middle name for their child, or a more modern variation of a grandparent’s name.”
“We’ve come across multiple parents who have used the name Stevie for their daughters to honor Grandpa Steve, for example. Other parents choose to honor grandparents in a less overt way — choosing the middle name Lavender to honor a grandparent’s love of the color purple, or naming their child after the street a grandparent grew up on,” Sophie emphasized.
Check out Nameberry where you can find baby names by the experts, including popular names, unique names, baby girl names, baby boy names and gender neutral names too! And what do you think about this situation? Was the couple in the wrong for not naming their baby after the father-in-law? Share your thoughts below!
Redditors assured the woman that she had done everything right and sympathized for her dad
