“Suck It Up”: Nanny Confronts Mom After Being Forced To Miss Sister’s Wedding

Healthy boundaries are an absolute necessity in all parts of life, from relationships to work. You can tell a lot about your boss’ values and character by how they react when you gently push back against their unreasonable demands.

Redditor u/Nannyneedabreak, who works as a nanny, opened up about how she planned to take some time off to attend her sister’s wedding. However, at the last moment, her employer asked her to babysit her children. When told ‘no,’ she blew up and threatened the OP. Read on for the full story, as well as to see how the AITA online community reacted to the tense situation.

Bored Panda wanted to learn what options employees have if their bosses threaten them or try to withhold their time off, so we reached out to the team at 'Empower Work.' Jaime-Alexis Fowler, the founder and executive director of the non-profit organization, was kind enough to answer our questions. "In a report we released in 2022, we found that 70% of workers feel disrespected and unsafe at work. And most people feel like they have nowhere to turn. That's especially true in situations at small employers where there are often fewer supportive practices in place and certainly fewer legal protections," she told us. You'll find our full interview with her below.

According to Fowler, the founder and executive director of ‘Empower Work,’ unfortunately, threatening or intimidating behavior is too common at work. However, she explained to Bored Panda that there are no easy answers for how employees ought to react to these sorts of situations.

“The best way to respond to an issue with an employer is to do what you feel most comfortable with. Each person has different things at stake. There's really no universal way to respond because each person has different things at stake and different factors in their experience," Fowler told Bored Panda via email.

"For example, one person might have financial obligations and lack of available other jobs that leads them to not want to rock the boat. Another person might have other job offers and just be able to walk away. For someone at a larger employer with HR and policies around time off, there may be several internal options to pursue. But at a small employer, it may be a 1:1 discussion. We often talk with people about understanding what's at stake for them, what they want to see happen, and how they can take action in a way that aligns with both of those," she said.

Fowler stressed the fact that it's "absolutely unacceptable" for employers to threaten or demean their staff. “Everyone deserves to work in a healthy workplace, and that means being respected, valued, and empowered. Everyone should have a right to take time off for things they need in life. And I wish that was more enshrined in legal protections across the country," she said.

The three main courses of action that employees can take include working to change the situation internally, managing through it, or leaving the job. "Sometimes, there are other actions and certainly nuances to each of those, like working to change things internally could be organizing with coworkers. In the case where someone is employed by an individual or in a very small work environment, it can feel so much more personal. Whether to call out the behavior or look for a new job—or both—is really dependent on the values and what's at stake for each person," Fowler told us.

"Some people may feel strongly that they can't take a risk or face repercussions, while others couldn't live with themselves if they didn't speak up. What's important is that each person does what they feel like is most in line with their values," she said.

"Everyone should have a resource to turn to when facing toxic and harmful situations at work. That's why we started Empower Work. Anyone can text or start a web chat with a trained peer counselor at 510-674-1414 or www.empowerwork.org. It's confidential and free."

Employee burnout is a major problem and far more common than you might think. One Deloitte survey of US professionals found that a whopping 77% of professionals have experienced burnout at their current jobs.

Over half of all respondents admitted that this has happened more than once, which is very worrying. Deloitte suggests that corporations ought to prioritize positive relationships, instead of rewards, while also understanding exactly what it is that their employees need.

Harvard Business Review urges employers to treat these burnout concerns seriously. Many employees feel like their managers don’t appreciate them enough.

Showing empathy and that you genuinely care about your staff’s well-being can be very powerful. But it’s vital that this support and attention is authentic, not just done for the sake of better efficiency.

Employees who are burned out are going to do a far worse job than if they’re rested, content, see purpose in their jobs, and have a boss they can trust.

All employees should be free to take time off to rest, recharge, and enjoy life without the stress of work hovering around them. However, the particular details of how much paid time off you get each year and how you register it will depend on your work contract. While many countries around the world have mandatory paid leave, some (including the US) do not.

If you don’t have a work contract or you’re a freelancer, then you’ll have to come to some sort of verbal or written agreement with your clients. Whatever the case, it’s good form to give your employer some sort of heads-up that you’ll be going on holiday.

The OP shared that she had constantly reminded her boss that she’d be away for a wedding a whopping 7 months in advance. It wasn’t something that suddenly popped up. It wasn’t a bolt from the blue. It was clearly communicated. The employer got lots of reminders.

Something to keep in mind is that poor planning on the employer’s part doesn’t constitute an emergency on the sitter’s part. The boss clearly knew her nanny would be unavailable. She could have easily found a replacement when she had so much time. What’s more, she could have asked the sitter herself to find someone to take on her responsibilities for that particular weekend, as a one-off favor.

As a rule of thumb, if your employer threatens to fire you (or with other unfair consequences) if you take time off, it’s probably best to consider jumping ship. Nobody should be forced to work in a toxic workplace, even if they enjoy the work they do.

You may also want to consider calling your boss’ bluff that they’ll fire you for resting, but not everyone may be comfortable doing so. Alternatively, if you have the time and money to spare, you may want to consider seeking legal help for wrongful termination. It helps if you have the details of what exactly happened in writing.

Taking some time off is a reasonable thing to do. Being threatened is rude and thuggish behavior. Talented and hard-working individuals shouldn’t be afraid of quitting if they’re surrounded by people who emotionally abuse them. You’ll always be able to find another job.

There are lots of employers and clients out there who are great to work with and who understand that their staff need rest, just like they do. You shouldn’t have to settle for someone who throws tantrum after tantrum just because you’ve spent a long time working for them.

Bored Panda reached out to the author of the post via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her. What would you have done in the nanny’s situation, Pandas? Have you ever had your boss not want to give you time off for ridiculous reasons? What do you do to have a healthy work-life balance? Feel free to share your opinions and experiences in the comment section.