I think you've all at least once seen that famous 'distracted boyfriend' meme, where a guy, holding his attractive partner's hand, nevertheless turns to look at a woman passing by. This meme will soon be ten years old (how quickly time flies!), while the situation, alas, is as old as the world itself.
And here is another story for you with the same plot. The user u/Southern_Emu2559, the author of this tale, recently shared it in the AITAH community on Reddit, having now collected more than 12K upvotes and around 3.6K various comments. The story, unfortunately, is quite typical for any time.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post and her husband live in a house next to another couple
Image credits: Wyatt Fisher (not the actual photo)
The problem is, according to the wife, that her husband treats the woman next door way better than her
Image credits: u/Southern_Emu2559
He literally fulfills every her whim, walks her dog, babysits her kids - and calls all this 'friendly help'
Image credits: Leah Newhouse (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Southern_Emu2559
At the same time, the wife herself feels like a side character compared to the neighbor
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Southern_Emu2559
So the woman demanded they move immediately - or she files for divorce
So, the Original Poster (OP) says that some time ago she and her husband moved into a house where their neighbors were another couple. And over time, the author began to be annoyed by the increased attention that her husband showed towards their neighbor. No, nothing romantic, just regular communication, small favors and help...
When our heroine was pregnant, her husband constantly called her to hang out with neighbors (the second woman was also expecting, by the way). He helped his neighbor take out the trash, walk her dog - even sometimes babysat her kids. All the things he did before to his own wife. "He used to be a great husband," the OP reminisces.
But the key word is 'used to.' According to the woman, her husband likes the increased attention to his 'decent deeds,' and what he simply calls 'friendly help' has gradually begun to irritate her - after all, she feels like a third wheel here when her husband is so attentive to his 'real' wife.
If you want more examples - voila! Last year, when the two couples went boating, the men went to a local store and asked their wives what they should buy for them. The author asked for some soda as she was craving it, and the second woman ordered 4 or 5 different things.
As a result, firstly, it was not her own husband who made the purchases for her, but the OP's spouse, and secondly, he didn't fulfill his wife's only request - he simply forgot about it. Moreover, the man refused to return for the purchase, coming up with a bunch of excuses, like that it was too late...
No, the author is pretty sure that her husband isn't cheating on her, but she was so tired of the current situation that one fine day she demanded that they move. The spouse, however, says that her reproaches seem ridiculous (the woman has expressed her complaints more than once), and that they cannot afford to move. But the OP is nearly adamant now and, moreover, threatened the husband with divorce if he doesn't agree with her.
Image credits: Vera Arsic (not the actual photo)
"We shouldn't treat our loved ones less kindly than we do strangers. But the reality is that we often do," Alex Lickerman, M.D., a general internist and former Director of Primary Care at the University of Chicago, writes in his article on Psychology Today. "Nothing, it seems to me, could be worse than reaching that point, having the parts of life that don't matter stripped away from your concern, and realizing just how poorly you treated those who deserved your best."
"I'd like to call attention to the fact that people often treat strangers better than their own spouses. Strangers who may be a million times worse than your spouse, strangers with whom you have no connection - hear this carefully - are getting better treatment from some of you than your spouses are getting," Sara Daigle, an author and speaker, writes for her personal website. "That very stranger would keep distance if you treated him/her as you treat your spouse. Withdrawing to avoid more pain is a natural response of the human heart."
As for the commenters on the original post, they strongly recommend that the author and her husband undergo some therapy, because the situation, as they are sure, is quite difficult. "I don't think you're wrong to worry this is leading to divorce," someone wrote in the comments. "The question is, would he respond to a demand for therapy or is he really determined to punish you for being pregnant?"
By the way, the author replied that her husband didn't consider the very case worthy of therapy, and didn't believe in its effectiveness at all. And yet commenters do believe that something needs to be done here. "He's clearly infatuated with the woman next door, and impressing her matters more to him than being a decent spouse to you," one person pondered.
"Sounds like you have bigger issues than the neighbor next door," another commenter added. So do you, our dear readers, also believe that even more serious problems are possible in this marriage? Please feel free to share your opinions in the comments below this post.
People in the comments mostly sided with the author, claiming that her issues could be in fact way more serious than she even suspects
