They say that it takes a village to raise a child. And you’d expect your parents and in-laws to put in the most effort. But not everyone in your closest social circle is willing to set aside their ego and genuinely help you.
A new mom asked the internet if she was wrong to snap and demand that her husband and his parents stay at a hotel. Her mother-in-law, instead of being kind and caring, kept criticizing her, yelled at her, and threw around ridiculous accusations about ‘hogging’ the baby. Keep scrolling for the full story, as well as the internet’s advice for the distraught mom.
After the birth of your baby, your family members should be willing to support you, instead of making your life harder
Image credits: pikisuperstar / Freepik (not the actual photo)
A first-time mom revealed the nightmare that started when her in-laws demanded to live with her and the newborn
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Camandona / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: goffkein / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Normal_Rise_282
The mother-in-law criticized the first-time mom for cluster feeding her baby, something which is very common among newborns
There is no excuse for the way that the woman’s mother-in-law treated her. It felt like the MIL was more interested in her own first-time grandma experience than supporting her exhausted daughter-in-law in any shape or form.
Not only that, but the author’s husband also seemed to be more on his parents’ side than his own wife’s. When there’s a newborn at home, everything should revolve around its and its mother’s well-being. Everyone else’s wants, meanwhile, temporarily end up on the back burner.
Meanwhile, the first-time mom’s own mother is a stellar example of selfless sacrifice. She was there for her daughter in every capacity that she needed so that she could focus solely on the newborn’s needs.
On the flip side, the woman’s mother-in-law thought that it was her place to criticize her for breastfeeding the baby ‘too much’ and for ‘hogging’ it. Not only is this rude, it ignores the reality of what was happening.
As the first-time mom noted, she was cluster feeding her baby. In a nutshell, this is breastfeeding your baby more frequently than expected.
As the Cleveland Clinic explains, this is normal behavior for infants. Especially during the first few days of their lives. Meanwhile, older babies cluster feed only occasionally.
If your baby is older than a week and is cluster feeding around the clock, it might be a sign that it’s not getting enough milk, and you should reach out to your pediatrician.
“They’ll evaluate what’s going on and may recommend working with a lactation consultant or breastfeeding medicine specialist. These experts can help you to solve a wide range of issues related to milk supply, milk transfer, latch and more. Don’t feel discouraged or give up on breastfeeding. Setbacks are common, and help is available,” the Cleveland Clinic advises.
It's almost inevitable that people will have opinions about parenting. It's up to you to protect your boundaries when others overstep them
If you want to know whether your baby is getting enough milk, ask a medical specialist to evaluate their weight gain and compare it to the growth chart. Alternatively, you can ask a lactation consultant or breastfeeding medicine specialist to observe as you feed your baby.
In the meantime, your loved ones, including your in-laws, have to respect your boundaries. They can’t force their way into your life and dominate time with the newborn just because they want to feel special. They have to put the baby’s and the mother’s needs first.
If they can’t find a way to be helpful (or at least polite), maybe they should wait until the baby grows up a bit before asking to see it.
Anmun notes that as a new parent, it’s likely that you’ll run into people who have strong opinions about parenting and what you’re doing.
“You don’t need to agree with them—nor should you argue with them about your choices. Hear your in-law out and then keep doing what you think is best for your baby.”
Moreover, if your in-laws’ help doesn’t affect your baby’s routine, it might be best to let them do things their way. However, there’s a limit to this. If they insist on parenting practices that make you uncomfortable or you think are unsafe, let them know. “Be gentle and non-judgmental in your reminder and show them what you prefer instead,” Anmun states.
What do you think about the entire parenting drama, dear Pandas? What words of support would you give the first-time mom? What would you have done if your in-laws kept criticizing you? From your perspective, what can in-laws do to best support new parents? Tell us what you think in the comments.
The internet was shocked that anyone would treat a new mom like this. Here's the advice people gave the author
