Official statistics, both impassive and heartless, tell us that as of 2023, nearly 10.2% of the entire American population over 12 years old has experienced some form of alcohol use disorder. At the same time, over half of all adults in the United States have a history of problem drinking or alcohol addiction.
The user u/Efficient_State_5884, the author of our story today, was also unlucky - her ex turned out to be an alcoholic, and she spent a lot of time trying to bring him back to a healthy life. Now their life paths have diverged, but a recent situation has forced the woman to experience some severe remorse... Well, let's just move on to the story now.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post has an ex with whom she broke up because of his excessive drinking
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman feels simply burnt out over his alcoholism and her fruitless attempts to change something for the better
Image credits: Efficient_State_5884
Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Recently the guy's mom called her in the late evening and asked her to go check in on him since he wasn't answering her calls and messages
Image credits: Efficient_State_5884
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Our heroine, however, refused - mostly because she felt it wasn't her problem any more, and she has grown tired of his drunken screams and threats
Image credits: Efficient_State_5884
The mom then called for a welfare check - and the cops found the guy dead drunk and barely alive so he ended up in the ICU
So, the Original Poster (OP) is a 35-year-old woman who recently broke up with her ex-fiance of the same age. She broke up with him because of his excessive drinking. The woman really did her best and tried to pull him out of this pernicious addiction, but there’s a limit to everything, and at some point she realized - she had enough.
No, they didn’t stop communicating - they simply stopped being in a relationship. Moreover, the man continued to regularly hit the bottle, and our heroine was sick to death of begging him to quit drinking - and then dragging him out of his urine-soaked bed over and over again. If there have never been alcoholics in your social circle, you won’t actually understand...
And then, one late evening, the author received a call from her unrestrained mother-in-law, who begged her to go to his house and check in on him. The mother was worried that her son hadn’t answered either calls or messages, and she didn’t have the key (the OP did). The author, however, flatly refused to go.
Firstly, it was already ten o'clock in the evening, and she had just fallen asleep (the MIL's call actually woke her up). Secondly, for the reasons described above. She didn't want to hear drunken screams and threats again - and who would really judge her for that?
However, the woman still faced remorse. As it turned out, the MIL then called for a welfare check, and the cops found the guy dead drunk and severely ill. He could have literally died that night - and ended up in the hospital. Moreover, the doctors refused to let him go against medical advice.
The mother was offended by the OP’s decision and only a couple of days later told that her son is still in the ICU and on a ventilator. So our heroine decided to ask people online - what do they think about this situation, and do they consider her guilty?
Image credits: senivpetro / Freepik (not the actual photo)
"Unfortunately, I'm not sure that this woman can do anything more - and it's definitely not her fault. Alcoholism is a huge problem and, by and large, only the alcoholic himself can change anything here. Without his desire, no rehabilitation will help," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here.
"This woman most likely had a choice - to continue fruitless attempts to return him to normal life, or to move on. She made this choice, and she most likely did the right thing. And now, no matter how much nostalgia there is here, it's no longer her problem."
As for this particular situation, it would probably be right to simply return the key to the ex or his mother and come to terms with it, Irina believes. "Constant remorse will not lead to anything good for her. By and large, the woman also needs therapy to get her life in order and move on."
People in the comments are also sure that the original poster was not obliged to break down once again and go into the night to the man who, choosing between her and a bottle, chose the latter. And repeatedly emphasized this choice. “He is your ex because he doesn't care enough about himself, or you, to get sober and healthy,” one of the responders wrote.
Harsh, but fair. Now this is exclusively the problem of the man himself and his mom as well - no matter how sorry we are for her in this case. "To be fair, you did reach out and you have already broken it off with him,” another person added reasonably. “He is a grown adult and he isn't your responsibility." And what do you, our dear readers, think here? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.
The mom considered the woman guilty here, but the commenters almost unanimously sided with the author, claiming that she perhaps did the right thing
