“I Can Never Forgive Them”: Person Goes No-Contact With Parents After Life-Altering Accident

When something major happens—good or bad—many people turn to their parents first to share the news. It’s also not uncommon for individuals to have parents set as emergency contacts for moments they need support the most.

Unfortunately for this redditor, their parents weren’t available at the time they needed them the most – when they got in a terrible accident. Having to go through it all without them by their side led to the OP deciding to go no-contact with them, but they couldn’t help but wonder if cutting ties over one mistake made them a jerk.

Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with Dr. Christina Rinaldi, a Professor at the College of Social Sciences & Humanities at the University of Alberta, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions about parent-child relationships.

Whether it comes from friends, family, or complete strangers, for that matter, emotional support is crucial for a person’s well-being, especially in a time of crisis. Chances are, you know exactly how important it is, if you’ve ever found yourself longing for nothing more than a friend’s shoulder to cry on or a parent telling you that it’s going to be okay.

For many people, family members are the main source of emotional support. Understandably so; those of our kin tend to be the first people we develop a bond with and who are there to care for us through the good times and the bad. “Family relationships provide resources that can help an individual cope with stress, engage in healthier behaviors, and enhance self-esteem, leading to higher well-being,” a study on family relationships suggests.

Among family members, moms and dads tend to play an especially significant role when it comes to support. According to Unicef, “Parents are central to providing the support and sense of safety and security that children need during times of crisis.” After a deeply distressing event—like the accident the OP was involved in—affected children will reportedly cope and recover better if they feel safe and receive care and attention from their loved ones.

“Parental emotional support is very important for a child and their development,” Dr. Christina Rinaldi emphasized during an interview with Bored Panda. According to the expert, parents can not only provide emotional support, but also model how to deal with emotions—how to recognize, process, and regulate them, not only at an individual level, but in the context of different relationships, too.

“Emotional support is important throughout the lifespan [of the child],” Dr. Rinaldi noted, “however, it will look different [in different stages], as it should change from childhood, to adolescence, and into emerging adulthood.”

Discussing the different stages, the expert suggested that in early childhood, parents should focus on meeting all of the child's needs—physical, social, emotional, cognitive, and psychological. “As the child develops, they become more independent and capable of meeting their own needs; but a parent can still be—and is likely to be—a support system for them,” she noted.

Dr. Rinaldi continued to point out that a healthy parent-child relationship calls for not only being supportive, but setting clear and realistic expectations, too. In the OP’s case, the expert wondered whether there was an expectation that their parents will be available at all times. “What about if they are traveling and on a plane?” she asked.

“If an adult child has [who they consider] amazing parents, it seems unusual for them to break ties or hold a grudge or not forgive them for not being able to reach them in the middle of the night while they are sleeping,” Dr. Rinaldi said, wondering if there were any other factors that might have influenced the parent-child relationship. “If the adult child is not able to forgive the parents, I would want to know what else is going on to get to this point. The person who was in an accident was in a high stress situation, and likely needed good social and emotional regulation skills at the moment.”

Bearing in mind just how important emotional support from parents is, it’s not surprising that being deprived of it at the time the OP needed it the most affected them quite significantly.

In a piece for Psychology Today, Dr. Michelle P. Maidenberg, adjunct graduate professor of mindfulness practice at New York University, noted that such a lack of support can lead to the child feeling lonely, awkward, or not being intrinsically understood or result in them distancing themselves or cutting ties completely.

“For children who don’t have the emotional support of parents readily and feasibly available to them, the thinking can be, ‘If my own parents, who are supposed to love me and be there for me more than anyone else in the world do not love me and aren’t there for me, then who will be?’ It’s a double whammy when there’s a lack of emotional support from both parents,” Maidenberg noted.

The OP shared that until the accident, after which their mom and dad were out of reach, the couple were amazing parents. They also seemed to have learned their lesson, as the OP shared that they have since changed their rules regarding phone use at night. Be that as it may, the redditor was still considering going no-contact with them – a decision that seemingly evoked different reactions from the online community.