Yes, I am well aware of how economics and money works. But, dang it, remembering how much pocket money I used to get as a kid—wondering how it was ever enough for anything—is surreal, to say the least.
But the concept of pocket money can transcend the limitations of age and status, and can still be a thing in the later years of life. You’d probably call it financial aid or the like, but the idea’s the same.
Well, a husband recently approached Reddit to determine who’s right and who’s wrong in a disagreement he had with his wife and some of her friends over this very same concept—pocket money.
More Info: Reddit
You never really grow out of 'pocket money'—even grown-ups can get it, but it's also equally true that money can cause problems, and this story is no exception
Image credits: Lukas (not the actual photo)
So, 27-year-old u/G_S_Rogers, a husband and a dad, recently turned to the r/AITA community with an issue he has.
Specifically, he has a 23-year-old wife who’s currently studying and is raising a 2-year-old. In light of this, and so that things wouldn’t get hectic in general, she is unemployed. Her parents are helping out by chipping some money into the family pot to the amount of a minimum wage.
If you’re curious, the couple lives in Europe, but has not specified a country, so assuming the average minimum wage in the European Union, it would probably be around €1,000 to €1,200 ($1025 to $1230).
Here’s the problem: the wife’s grades dropped a bit, which meant that the parents decided to lower her “stipend” as well by 50%. So, in turn, the wife turned to hubby and started asking him to compensate the difference. And, well, this is where conflict starts to arise.
A husband recently asked the internet for some perspective on his issue with his wife demanding he increases her pocket money after her parents reduced their contributions
Image credits: G_S_Rogers
In his post, OP explained that he is a medical resident with sub-par pay, but has some real estate to supplement his financial situation. 20% of his income goes into savings (a part of the budget that he will not compromise). Then, depending on the situation, 40% to 60% go into general household expenses, including food, utilities, nanny expenses and wife’s school expenses. And certain global circumstances have racked up the prices, making things always cost on the higher end these days.
This parent-OP-wife arrangement seemed to work for 4 years before the wife’s grades dropped and the parents decided to adjust finances accordingly. If anything, the parents’ minimum wage, plus the husband's half a minimum wage, amounts to quite a decent sum. But what was minimum wage plus half a minimum wage has now dropped to just minimum wage.
Given that the wife's income got cut by 33%, and the husband is already spending 40% to 60% on necessities, including the Mrs., this extra strain seems unlikely to him
Image credits: G_S_Rogers
In light of this, the wife started constantly asking the husband to compensate her for it, but he kept refusing. No surprise there, his income did not magically increase. He is more than confident that his wife will bounce back with her grades, so this is a temporary setback. But despite this, the wife kept on pushing and even suggested raising rent on the properties he owns. That was a hard no as he’s not about to make life difficult for his tenants, especially during these dark times.
She still thought it was not fair—after all, in her eyes, the husband should provide and care for her, right? But if you’re talking about fairness, doesn’t that also mean that he also deserves to have some extra cash for things he wants? Well, the wife has been calling him a jerk for the past week because of this, and that really made him wonder what is right in this situation and what the solution should be. This is how the post found its way onto r/AITA.
In response to this, the husband claimed she is now a week into calling him a jerk for not budging and adapting to this sudden change in income
Image credits: G_S_Rogers
Image credits: Louis Oliveira (not the actual photo)
Well, people online ruled that the husband is not at fault. At first, when folks read the post title (“AITA for not giving my wife who doesn't work more pocket money?”) they thought the husband could be the jerk, but once the fact about the nanny dropped, it’s an automatic NTA.
Many viewed the wife’s predicament in context and thought she should count herself lucky the parents and the husband are both helping her out while she doesn’t have to work. In places like the US, not having to work would be considered a luxury in this situation.
Some could have also seen an NAH (no a-holes here) situation if the wife would have dropped the demands, but keeping it up for a week is just plain disrespectful to a spouse. But others did at least understand the wife's argument that the husband should provide.
But folks did not see two ways about it, and declared the husband not at fault
Well, there's more to unwrap in this situation, because Bored Panda got in touch with OP for an interview, providing some crucial context to the situation. And hey, they figured out a solution together, so yey teamwork!
"It turns out, she's been going through a tough time with one of her friends, and was taking it out on me without realizing it. And the reason she wanted to keep her pocket money the same is 'cause one of the charities she volunteers for was going through financial issues and she was helping them out." elaborated OP
"She wasn't completely truthful with me because the charity does something I wholeheartedly do not agree with. But she talked me into at least visiting the charity. There were a lot of damages to the facility and I felt bad for some genuine folks helping the charity."
"I've talked to my wife and priest, and we've decided to put help for this charity on our household expenses list together with the other charities we usually donate to, at least until Christmas."
The husband originally turned to the AITA community for some perspective because he wasn't in the best place mentally, mostly due to work (remember, he works in the medical field) and his friend lowkey suggested it. Consider it a certain kind of catharsis with a huge hope to find a solution.
In our interview with him, he also explained that the biggest challenge in this entire situation was the wife's reluctance to be 100% transparent: "The challenging part before was that she didn't want to tell me about the charity. I'm much more keen on giving her money if its for a 'good' cause, rather than fueling her Genshin Impact spending."
Lastly, OP also shared about the whole rent situation, namely that she did admit fault, but he also misunderstood her:
"She was mainly referring to a fast food chain that's renting 2 locations from me and that has been expanding like crazy even during the pandemic because of how popular they are. She goes there a lot with our kid, and they're not even offering her a discount, so I'm thinking of figuring something out."
The post got attention equal to 8,800 upvotes and a handful of Reddit awards. Some online pop-culture news outlets also picked it up for further online debate. You can check it all out in context here.
But. But. OK. This is the end, but it doesn’t have to be. While I can’t control your mouse or finger strokes, I can petition you to leave some constructive feedback in the virtual opinions board located in the sub-cardinal section of this piece of written internet content, so please do so to earn some … internet points. You're welcome!
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