There are a million different kinds of families in the world, and none of them are any less valid than any others. Parents and children don’t need to look similar or be related by blood to share an unbreakable bond, and we all get to define what exactly “family” means to us.
But along with being special in our own ways, each family has their own challenges and complications as well. And when one woman learned that her adoptive parents tried to keep her biological parents away from her as a child, she found it impossible to forgive and forget. Below, you’ll find a story that this woman shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, as well as some of the replies invested readers shared.
When this woman was a young adult, she decided to form a relationship with her biological parents
Image credits: Ignatios Kourouvasilis (not the actual image)
Now, the couple who raised her won't even be welcome at their own daughter's wedding
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual image)
Later, the woman provided a couple of updates on the situation after speaking with her parents
Image credits: Opening_Ad7405
1 in 35 children in the United States is adopted
While it may not be a dynamic you’re familiar with if you were raised by your biological parents, adoption is extremely common and important. According to Lifelong Adoptions, in the United States, 1 in 35 children is adopted, and approximately 700,000 kids are living with adoptive parents. About 38% of these children are adopted through private providers like adoption agencies, 37% are adopted through the Child Welfare System, and a quarter are brought home through international adoption agencies and providers all over the world.
As far as why parents decide to adopt children, Lifelong Adoptions reports that 81% want to provide a permanent home for a child, two thirds say they want to expand their families, 52% are unable to have a biological child themselves, 24% wanted a sibling for a child they already had, and 7% had previously adopted the child’s siblings.
While many adopted children view their adoptive parents as their real parents, it’s natural for them to be curious about their biological parents as well. Henriques Griffiths LLP reports that, in the United Kingdom, a quarter of adopted children make contact with their birth parents before they even turn 18.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual image)
Once they reach adulthood, many adopted children go in search of their birth parents
According to one study from the UK, 66% of adopted women go in search of their biological parents, while only 34% of adopted men do the same. But this curiosity doesn’t necessarily mean there’s any trouble at home, as 77% of those who seek out their birth parents report that they do feel loved by their adoptive mothers.
As far as why adopted children decide to seek out their birth parents, Foster VA notes on their site that there are a few common reasons. It’s normal to be curious about what our birth parents look like and act like, to see how similar we are to them, but it can also be very important to know their medical history. If certain diseases or cancers run in the family, adopted children deserve to know. And if they want to have biological children of their own, they will want to understand if there’s anything they’re likely to pass on.
Many adopted people also feel a sense of loss or longing regarding their birth parents. Verywell Mind reports that adoptees are at higher risk for mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, bipolar, ADHD, PTSD, and oppositional defiant disorder. They may have trust issues or trouble forming a sense of self. The stress and wonder about knowing that their biological parents are out there might contribute to these issues, so once they’ve reached adulthood, it might be helpful for them to get in contact.
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual image)
While it can be scary for adoptive parents, meeting their biological parents can be an important step for children to take
According to Adoption Network, all adoptive parents can expect there to come a time when their kids want to meet their biological parents. And while this can be difficult for adoptive parents to support, it might be a necessary step for children to take to understand themselves better.
"I have mixed emotions," one mother wrote for Adoption Network. "I am happy my daughter wants to know where she came from. She is starting to understand adoption and look at it in a positive light. However, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to having a little bit of sadness too. I’ve learned that emotion is okay. As an adoptive parent, you are never truly your child’s only mother. It’s just how it is."
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual image)
We would love to hear your thoughts on this topic in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman was wrong for uninviting her adoptive parents from her wedding? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in another Bored Panda article discussing adoption, look no further than right here.
Many readers detailed why they disagreed with the woman's actions
However, some assured the woman that this situation wasn't her fault
