People who have big weddings invite people who they aren’t necessarily close with and maybe don’t even know, as it often happens if the couple allow a plus one. But when you have a small wedding, you are more selective and invite only people you feel good spending time with.
This man decided that his brother’s wife wasn’t welcome at his wedding because of how she treated his fiancée at her own wedding, making the whole family that takes up the majority of the guest list upset.
More info: Reddit
Being excluded at a wedding is hurtful and this woman got a taste of her own medicine after being cruel to her brother-in-law's fiancée
Image credits: Brooklynn Hossler (not the actual photo)
She was not invited to his wedding because at her own wedding, the woman didn't make his fiancée a bridesmaid only because of her weight
The woman told her brother-in-law herself that it would have ruined the wedding photos and it would have made the bridesmaid dress selection more complicated
Image credits: u/PolkadotSmoke
Image credits: Leeloo Thefirst (not the actual photo)
Seeing that the wedding will have 20 guests, the man didn't want to feel his sister-in-law's presence as she hurt his fiancée
Image credits: u/PolkadotSmoke
But the family who accepted the sister-in-law excluding the man's fiancée now is upset at him for not inviting her to his wedding
The Original Poster (OP) met his wife at work and found her really attractive. He managed to draw her attention and now the couple has been together for 5 years. The relationship is strong and even people around them never doubted that they would get married, and that it was just a matter of time.
The couple has finally set a date for the wedding and sent out invitations. They are inviting 20 people and 12 of them are family members, so it will be a small, intimate event.
Among the family members, the OP invited his brother, but purposefully didn’t invite his wife. The reason has roots in the brother’s wedding, which was a year prior.
The brother’s fiancée at the time and now OP’s sister-in-law invited his siblings’ girlfriends to be her bridesmaids, except his. The man was confused because one of his brothers had been dating his girlfriend for just a few months, while he had been in a relationship with his fiancée for years.
That is when he asked what was the meaning of this and the sister-in-law didn’t hide her reasoning. She didn’t want OP’s fiancée in photos because of her size and she didn’t want to bother searching for bridesmaid dresses that were available in plus sizes.
When Bored Panda reached out to Valon Asani, a relationship expert and the founder of Dua, a dating app for serious relationships based on common values with over 5 million users, he told us that this was a case of "case of fatphobia or discrimination based on looks, as the sister-in-law excluded the man's fiancée from being a bridesmaid solely because of her size. Discrimination, in any form, is hurtful and wrong, and it is important to acknowledge and address it when it happens."
He also added an explanation about how it happened, "It was 'her special day', and people try to make everything perfect (in her own view) during these special events, and forget about the feelings of others and how much they can hurt people with their actions."
OP’s brother realized how wrong it was and apologized on more than one occasion, which is why he was being invited to the wedding, but his wife never acknowledged how hurtful her actions were.
Valon Asani commented on the wife's behavior, "Many people have a hard time to admit a mistake and to show some character to apologize. We can't expect that from weak people. Maybe she isn't aware of how much she actually has hurt the people involved and especially the man's fiancée. Perhaps she feels remorseful and uncomfortable, and is unsure of how to make things right. Hurt people hurt people."
Because of the situation at the OP's brither's wedding, the relationships are tense, so it didn’t make sense for them to invite the sister-in-law to the celebration. As the relationship expert said, everyone has the right to invite whoever they want to their wedding "and it's important for [the OP] and his partner to feel completely comfortable and at ease on their special day."
Despite a wedding being a great opportunity to bring everyone together and forgive for past mistakes, "Ultimately, the most important thing is for the couple to have a joyous and memorable celebration surrounded by the people they love most."
The couple was doing everything to make the day joyous for them, but despite everyone knowing why the woman wasn’t invited to the OP’s wedding, the family was upset with the decision. Which is weird, because when the OP’s fiancée was excluded from being a bridesmaid at SIL's wedding, they were fine with it.
But maybe they are not the same people anymore and now they decided that there shouldn't be more family members excluded from weddings. Valon Asani wouldn't be too quick to judge the family's response, "It's unfortunate that the man's family didn't stand up for his fiancée when she was excluded from being a bridesmaid at the sister-in-law's wedding. However, it's understandable that they are upset that the sister-in-law is now being excluded from the man's wedding. It's important to have an open and honest conversation with the family and try to find a solution that works for everyone."
In general, the relationship expert would wish for everyone to be more compassionate when solving arguments, "It's crucial to approach conflicts with love and understanding, and to avoid seeking revenge or mirroring past mistakes. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect, no matter their appearance or size. Discrimination is never acceptable, and it's important to have open and honest conversations with family members to address conflicts."
Especially because in the comments, the OP revealed that he would really like his brother at his wedding, but if he didn’t come in support for his wife, he would understand, because this is exactly what he is doing by not inviting his SIL.
Image credits: Brooklynn Hossler (not the actual photo)
Readers were pretty appalled at the SIL’s behavior at her own wedding and she didn’t even hide that she was discriminating against a family member only because of her looks. And they believed that the blame was not only on her, but the whole family, because they knew what she was doing and never gave the OP and his fiancée a warning.
They considered not inviting the SIL to their wedding an appropriate reaction and at this point, the relationship with the family is not as important as with his future spouse, especially when they are siding with a fatphobic person.
Stigmatizing overweight people is not a new concept in Western culture and being thin for an occasion such as a wedding was always the aim. It’s actually a millennia old, because according to B***h Media, “The wedding industry has been pushing this image since the 11th century when husbands bought wives from their fathers and beauty was treated as a bargaining chip. At the time, beauty ideals directly impacted a woman’s value as she prepared to marry.”
The standard remains and you can find an infinite amount of diet plans that are specifically targeted to future brides who hope to look their best on their big day. And “their best” means their thinnest.
The numbers show it all. A study showed that the average amount brides want to lose before a wedding is about 23 pounds (10 kilograms). The report by Cornell University also found that about 30 percent of brides “use such extreme measures as diet pills, fasting or skipping meals to achieve their desired wedding-day weight.” And 14 percent purposefully bought a smaller wedding dress to keep them motivated.
When Treadmill Reviews conducted a survey asking people if they tried to lose weight before a wedding, they found out that more than 60 percent of brides, grooms and bridesmaids did. Also, 54 percent of groomsmen and 37 percent of wedding guests also tried to get rid of extra weight.
So as we can see, the standard touches not only the brides, but everyone involved, including the bridesmaids. When bridesmaids were asked why they wanted to slim down, their number one reason was “to look good in a dress or a suit” (85 percent of respondents).
Other reasons mentioned were to feel good about themselves, to look more toned, to drop a dress or suit size and to look attractive for their partners.
Katharine Phillips, MD, a psychiatrist at New York-Presbyterian/Weill Cornell Medicine, says that some people don’t even want to change their appearance, but they feel they should because there is a specific image in our heads of how an ideal wedding and people attending them look: “The constant pressure of media messages can fuel a type of thinking error called 'should statements,' meaning that we think we 'should' look a certain way or be a certain weight, even when it's not realistic or right for us."
Because being thin is so engraved as a virtue, being overweight is associated with something wrong and that is supposed to be avoided. That is when fatphobia is born and people start to discriminate against those who they consider to lead a life that they don’t approve of.
There are even stories of brides asking their bridesmaids to lose weight to make the pictures look more uniform and Bored Panda has covered one of them that you can find here.
How do you feel about the family’s reaction to the OP not inviting his SIL? Do you think he could have solved this issue in a different way? Let us know your thoughts and reactions in the comments.
Redditors were disgusted by the sister-in-law and applauded the man for standing up for his future wife despite his family's opinion
Image credits: Dewey gallery (not the actual photo)
