"Left Me Absolutely Stunned": Husband Secretly Tests Wife, Tells Her She Failed

The only test relationships should go through is the test of time. However, some people choose to test their partners nevertheless, eager to see if they pass or fail.

Redditor ‘raggedyange77’ recently found herself being tested by her partner; and according to him, she failed the “supportive wife test” by choosing to make dinner over going to greet him at the airport. She shared her story online, where some netizens suggested that it was the husband who failed and not her.

Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with an expert in social and personality psychology and relationship dynamics, Dr. Jeremy Nicholson, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions.

As much as we’d sometimes like to, we can’t be in two places at the same time; or do two things at once (unless it’s binge watching a tv series and snacking on junk food, of course). That’s where prioritizing things comes into play, which might be more difficult to do when taking someone else’s feelings into consideration.

“Life is full of constraints and trade-offs and relationships are no exception. Despite what modern society may say, no one can do it all, or have it all. Therefore, it is very important to communicate expectations and needs clearly,” relationship expert Dr. Jeremy Nicholson told Bored Panda in a recent interview.

“This helps partners prioritize activities in a relationship, especially when there is a conflict between tasks like cooking dinner versus picking someone up at the airport. Without that clear communication and prioritization, partners can get stuck in a no-win, double-bind situation, where they can be criticized for either choice – and, no one is a mindreader.”

Dr. Nicholson continued to point out that empathy and understanding are also very important in a healthy relationship. “Particularly, that mindset helps couples to feel like they are on the same team, rather than competing with each other. In turn, that makes communication easier – because we share information with a teammate to help us both win, whereas we withhold information and test or trick a competitor.”

Being on the same team usually means not testing the teammate. Seconding the idea, Dr. Nicholson pointed out that explicit “testing” in a relationship is usually unnecessary. “All that is really required is the clear communication of expectations and needs. In a healthy couple, partners will then demonstrate their love and care by meeting those communicated needs (or giving valid reasons and making alternative arrangements when they are unable to do so). That process naturally establishes trust in a relationship, without constructing extra tests and hoops for a partner to jump through.”

Testing their partner might sound like a good idea to some people. After all, if they’re the great person their significant other believes they are, they will have nothing to worry about; and if they are not, that might lead to a “goodbye” followed by a “good riddance”. But it’s not all that simple.

According to psychotherapist and author Tina Gilbertson, setting up tests creates unnecessary conflict. “Even if your partner goes along with everything you want him or her to do, slavish obedience is not ultimately what you’re seeking,” she wrote for Psychology Today. In the expert’s opinion, testing their partner signals the person’s need for more security in their relationship. But playing bogus tricks or testing them is unlikely to be the best way to achieve it.

PsychCentral emphasizes that security is the cornerstone of a stable and healthy relationship. Bearing that in mind, it’s not surprising that when it’s lacking—even if only from one partner’s perspective—it can create uncertainty and lead to a person testing their significant other. In an emotionally secure relationship, PsychCentral notes, people feel assured in their connection even if physically apart, and they don’t need the “Orange Peel Theory”, the “Bird Test”, or any other test, for that matter, to prove it.

If you’re wondering what in the world the “Orange Peel Theory” or the “Bird Test” is, you most likely managed to escape the TikTok craze over all sorts of relationship tests. The first one, if you’re curious, refers to asking your partner to do something as simple as peeling an orange for you; if they do, it supposedly means that they truly love you. As for the second one, you can test how interested your significant other is in you by checking to see if they pay attention to something you show them, like a bird, for instance; if they do, again, it means that they love you.

These are just a couple of examples of viral relationship tests thousands, if not millions, of people have tried on their loved ones. (In some cases, not only tried, but ended relationships over them as well.) And while they might not be completely irrational—a person who loves you would probably peel a fruit for you or pay attention to something that you show them, even if it’s a pigeon—the fact that the behavior has a hidden agenda is unlikely to benefit the relationship much.

Discussing relationship tests, the clinical director of the Gottman Institute, Donald Cole, health/viral-relationship-tests-couples-therapists-rcna128583">noted that some of them are tied to a tested psychological theory, which suggests that they are at least somewhat legitimate; however, only if there is a trained professional to interpret the results.

“I’m totally against all forms of manipulation in relationships, and some of these tests seem very manipulative,” Cole told TODAY. “Open dialogue is the path to relationship positivity, not testing behind the back.”

In the OP’s story, there was no fruit or birds involved. Her husband chose to test her by waiting to see if she would come greet him at the airport. But she chose to cook a homemade meal for the family, instead, which—despite being a loving gesture—didn’t change the husband’s mind about her failing the test. Though, after reading the story, some people believed it was the husband, not the wife, who failed.