Parents break up for many different reasons, and infidelity is one of the most common. In fact, 60% of divorced couples cite a cheating partner as the primary reason why their marriage ended. It takes a toll on the entire family, more so if the children are already teenagers and young adults.
This family had one more problem to deal with after their father's extramarital affair resulted in a stepbrother. The father then wished his children would share their college funds with the new sibling. One of the kids decided to ask people on the internet whether they were the bad guys for refusing to.
A father asked his children to share their college fund money with a kid he had out of wedlock
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When they refused, he resorted to petty and questionable tactics
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Image credits: Harold Granados / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: dispandapressed
Parents can change the beneficiaries of college funds if they choose to do so
Many families in the U.S. use a college savings fund like this family did. In fact, 30% of American families do so. A college savings fund is also called a 529, and, in 2023, the average 529 account balance was $27,741.
In theory, parents do have the right to withdraw funds from the college fund they're setting up for their children. The owners of the account (the parents) have control of it, not the beneficiaries (the children).
The OP writes how, after the divorce, the fund is now under his mother's name. If the court hasn't decided to give ownership to the mother, the dad would be able to deplete the college fund. What's more, he could change the beneficiaries from the three children he had with his wife to add his other son, Hank. Usually, this kind of thing is stated in the divorce decree.
A 529 plan is also pretty flexible. If a child decides not to go to college or gets a scholarship like the kid in this story, parents can use the leftover funds. They can change the beneficiary to another sibling or even another family member. So, if the kids choose to, it would be possible for the stepsibling Hank to be included in the fund.
The problem here is not so much a legal one but a moral one. The OP and siblings feel guilty if they don't agree to split the college fund with Hank. On the other hand, they can't forgive their father for the betrayal and don't think Hank is really their sibling.
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A parent's infidelity can have serious negative consequences for teens in the long run
Finding out your father has a secret child can have serious repercussions for children and their future. Although it may seem that this is between the mother and the father, children, even if they're teenagers or young adults, can get caught in the argument as well.
Experts say that children of adulterer parents may experience guilt and blame themselves. Some might have trouble with their own relationships in the future, as they develop trust issues. A parent's infidelity disrupts the stability of family life they're so used to, negatively impacting children's sense of security and academic performance.
75% of children whose parents have cheated say that they feel betrayed as well. Children think that the parent has broken an unspoken promise to be part of the family and remain forever loyal to each other.
Even when the children aren't kids anymore, it hurts them just as much. "Some parents seem to think that once their children have gone to university, it doesn't matter anymore because they're adults," sociologist Jean Duncombe explains. "But they're still children within that context. So they're absolutely devastated. It's the lies, I think, that cause the deepest damage."
Psychologist Lawrence Josephs, Ph.D. writes that the worst thing parents can do is try to guilt kids into reconciliation or force them to bond with the stepsibling. "Your children will just see that as further evidence of the self-centeredness and selfishness that led you to cheat in the first place," he writes.
Image credits: محمد عزام الشيخ يوسف / pexels (not the actual photo)
The OP clarified that they could still use the money later if they don't need it for college
Many people sided with the kids and the wife; the man made his bed when he chose to have an affair
Others, however, called the author a hypocrite and said the father can do with his money as he pleases
The OP later posted an update, saying the family is thinking about getting a restraining order
Image credits: August de Richelieu / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Kindel Media / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: dispandapressed
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