Normally, when a person gets divorced, they aren’t constantly being contacted by their ex’s new partner. For the most part, people prefer to keep boundaries in place and just move on with their lives. But a select few, out of delusion, desperation, or just plain old entitlement not only keep in touch but start making demands.
A woman wondered if she was wrong for refusing to take her ex-husband’s three kids on a family trip to Italy. The ex’s wife, whom he cheated on OP with, would not take no for an answer and decided to employ every scummy and low strategy in the book to get her to comply.
Generally, most people prefer to avoid their exes and, by extension, their families
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
But one woman had to repeatedly tell her ex-husband that she would not take his kids on vacation
Image credits: s_kawee (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Specific-Papaya3577
Shared custody can be full of pitfalls
In general, OP has been trying to do the right thing. With the two, “shared” kids, joint custody tends to be the best option, unless one of the parents is downright abusive or dangerous. Research suggests that children who go through shared custody tend to do better than kids of single parents in nearly every single sphere, from mental health to academic success.
However, the findings aren’t all uniform. Certain studies suggest that co-parenting only brings these benefits when both parents actually like each other. We don’t know that much about this relationship, but the ex did cheat on OP, and she does seem to have some boundaries, so it’s unlikely that they are best friends.
At the same time, the couple does have to navigate some pretty complicated boundaries. A lot has to be done on trust since there are fewer legal obligations. However, it’s surprising that OP has the amount of contact she does, given that her ex is with the woman she cheated on her with. People will compromise on quite a bit for their kids, which is generally an admirable thing.
It can be hard to navigate the ex’s new partner’s motivations
Grace is one thing, going full no contact with this person would probably be seen as acceptable by most of the population. Instead, OP is taking the time to allow these kids and hers to be half-siblings and contact their father. The fact that she is doing the right thing seems to have slipped past the other woman.
There is a cynical possibility that this woman is actively trying to remove OP from her husband's life. After all, OP is successful, this man’s first partner, and appears to be a good and desirable person. Deep down, past all the delusion, anyone who helps someone cheat must know that they could be cheated on next.
Entitled people often end up ruining things for themselves
However, this is probably reading too much into a much more common malaise, entitlement. Some people, with little to no evidence, simply assume they have a right to demand things that are not theirs. For example, asking OP to pay for (and look after) three more kids, just because, well, this couple has decided it makes sense.
On top of this, as shared in OP’s update (which can be found below) the mother started to use some serious manipulation tactics. If the situation were different, we would perhaps applaud a mom going above and beyond to get her kids a cool experience, but instead, she is basically removing their one source of cool Christmas presents.
Given the fact that most courts don’t look kindly on cheaters, OP’s threat to litigate likely has some teeth, plus the fact that she can actually afford the expenses of lawyering up and dragging things out in a legal battle. As she herself says below, her ex needs to work out something soon, or OP will cut contact.
Most people sided with OP and she answered a few questions
Image credits: romankosolapov (not the actual photo)
Later, OP shared a somewhat shocking update
Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Specific-Papaya3577
Commenters shared some words of support for OP
