Parasocial relationships can grow dangerous. Most people who develop a crush on fictional characters understand that they’re, well, fictional. However, some individuals become so obsessed with them that they completely blur the line between what’s real and what’s made up. And when their feelings aren’t reciprocated, they can lash out.
A woman who used to write fanfiction regaled the ‘Let’s Not Meet’ community with a story about how she became the target of an online stalker for more than a decade. A mentally ill woman stalked and harassed her after falling in love with a fictional character, even accusing her of ‘stealing’ him from her. Read on for the full story.
Most people understand the difference between fiction and what's real. Most... but not all
A fan fiction writer opened up about how she was stalked for more than a decade by a woman who lost all touch with reality
Things didn't end there. Here's what happened next
The situation continued to escalate from there
Parasocial relationships can be fun, but in some cases, they can lead to deteriorating mental health
Parasocial relationships are essentially one-sided relationships where you feel a connection to a media figure. Often, they might be a celebrity or social media influencer. However, they can also be a character from a show or other piece of media.
Individuals who develop these attachments feel that they have an intimate relationship with the person or character. They use this as a proxy for unmet needs like their need for belonging, socializing, friendship, love, and identity. These needs are natural and understandable, as human beings are hardwired for community, socializing, and connection. We are social creatures.
One study noted that most people understand the line between fiction and reality. However, in some niche cases, individuals can develop such strong parasocial connections with characters that they experience extreme emotions that can even lead to thoughts of harm. In these instances, medical and therapeutic care is vital.
On the one hand, parasocial relationships can provide a sense of belonging to marginalized individuals. On the other hand, these fictional connections can lead to worsening mental health. According to the study, “while media can be a source of comfort, it also requires a thoughtful and responsible approach from clinicians, caretakers, and creators alike.”
Part of the reason we develop these parasocial relationships is that we spend so much time on the internet consuming media featuring certain characters, influencers, actors, etc. They become a part of your life. You recognize them. And so, you develop warm feelings for them.
There is a clear line between being a fan of someone and developing a parasocial connection
Another reason for these intense connections is simply loneliness. Generally, incredibly social individuals are more likely to form real-life friendships as well as develop parasocial relationships. The upside of parasocial connections is that they can be fun and less demanding than real relationships.
“There are no conflicts with a person we don’t know, no favors or maintenance that need attention; plus, the subjects of parasocial relationships are typically talented, beautiful, or funny,” Psychology Today explains.
The difference between ‘just’ a fan and someone in a parasocial relationship is that the former can enjoy media without identifying with the character or star. In short, they love them for their talent, but they probably don’t care about their lives when they’re not on the stage or screen. The latter, however, feel like they know the celebrity and truly understand them. They see themselves as equals.
In a nutshell, parasocial relationships are a double-edged sword. Most of them are harmless and provide you with a figure you can relate to. However, in some cases, they can damage an individual’s personal growth and emotional fulfillment by harming their ability to maintain real relationships and function in their day-to-day life. In the rarest cases, you can lose your relationship with reality.
Have you ever had an online stalker? If so, how did you protect yourself and your boundaries from them? What real-life celebrities and fictional characters do you relate to and why? Share your thoughts below.
The internet had a lot to say about the online stalker and her unhealthy obsession
Other readers rushed to the comments to share their perspectives, too
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