We often expect friendship to bring us a deeper, richer, and more fulfilling connection than the one we'd get if we only followed more basic legal laws. This can only go as far as people involved understand and follow the moral agreement between them. While if one of the ‘friends’ denies either component, the friendship might be reversed and become a burden or a damaging force for the people involved. In other words, become less of a friendship or not even a friendship at all, as happened to this Redditor, who found himself in a risky situation like this.
More info: Reddit
This man got invited to his childhood best friend's wedding, but his girlfriend of 6 years was not on the list
Image credits: Leonardo Miranda (not the actual image)
He was told that his friend's fiancée was very strict about her "no ring no bring" rule
Image credit: u/PlusoneIssue
Image credits: Matthew Hutchinson (not the actual image)
The man was about to accept the invitation, when he mentioned to his friend's fiancée he was not happy about the rules
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)
The friend's fiancée called the man's relationship 'unserious' because he was not married or engaged yet
This man received an invitation to the wedding of his best friend since childhood; however, his girlfriend was not listed there. Despite the fact, he, his best friend, and his excluded girlfriend have known each other since high school and were in the same group of friends, after he inquired, he found out there was no mistake and his girlfriend was indeed not invited.
The explanation this man got was his friend’s fiancée being strict about her “no ring no bring” rule in order to save on expenses. This man’s girlfriend also being a friend of the groom-to-be was of no help while trying to negotiate with the friend’s fiancée, nor was the fact that the bride-to-be had met the man’s girlfriend around 10 times during the 4 years the soon-to-be-weds have known each other. This is not much, as the man explains, was because his girlfriend works as a nurse and often could not make it when he went to visit the couple.
Finally, the main argument on this man’s side was that he has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for 6 years, as compared to the soon-to-be-married couple, who have been in a relationship for 4 years. However, despite, for obvious reasons, not being happy about the situation, the man’s girlfriend convinced him he should go anyway to avoid making more drama.
Agreeing with his girlfriend, this man made a call intending to accept the invitation. His friend’s fiancée picked up the phone and said she was sorry about not inviting his girlfriend, but these were the rules. It might be noted that, giving no further explanation, the claim sounds as if it's not her making these rules or at least she made it clear she was not willing to negotiate them.
As agreed with his girlfriend, this man was ready to put up with the bride’s-to-be rules. He told his friend's fiancée, that he would follow the rules, though he was honest about not liking them. Hearing the man's complaint, his friend’s fiancée doubled down on her approach, showing no openness to negotiate and discuss the issue with her friend.
The woman told this man his relationship of 6 years was not serious and not showing any signs of true commitment, only because he was not engaged to his girlfriend yet, to which he answered it wasn’t her place to validate the seriousness of his relationship and to use this dumb rule to micromanage long-term couples. As a consequence, the man refused to attend the wedding.
The man turned down the invitation as it wasn't the bride's-to-be place to validate the seriousness of his relationship
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual image)
The marrying couple accused him of being disrespectful by choosing his girlfriend over the friends' wedding day
After opting out of his best friend’s wedding, this man got accused by the couple of being disrespectful. They said he was choosing his girlfriend over their wedding day, without considering that first, they were the ones forcing him to make such a choice.
And second, if the choice was indeed between the man’s girlfriend and their wedding day, it seems quite logical he chose the way he did. As this man noted to his friends, keeping his relationship was more important to him than keeping rules that were made to undermine one's girlfriend.
Eventually, this man shared that he received a lot of backlash from his other friends, who called him a jerk for being bitter about something “so small”. Again, he answered that disrespecting his relationship with his girlfriend was not small to him. And he made it clear with his actions that he stood by his words, not letting people for whatever reason belittle his relationship.
In their book “Getting Together”, R. Fisher and S. Brown noted that friendship often requires dealing with differences. And they listed understanding and good communication among other factors that are crucial for making the differences ‘work’. The authors explained that to feel they are treated fairly, friends have to, to a certain extent, understand each other’s values, understanding of fairness, and to have an overall understanding of how the other person sees things in the world.
In order to achieve such understanding, good communication is required, and it becomes crucial when certain issues emerge. It is here that the specific issue has to be discussed. The more effectively people communicate about their differences, the better they can understand each other and try to come to an agreement. And, what is equally as important, the better and more open the communication, the less basis for suspicion is left.
All in all, the bride-to-be didn’t bother to be open and discuss the issue as referring to the “no ring no bring” rule was definitely not a good enough explanation for not inviting the groom’s best friend’s girlfriend of 6 years to the wedding. No wonder that calling this man’s relationship unserious for not yet being engaged did not help here. And the least the man could do was refuse to go to a wedding like this.
Commenters on Reddit agreed that by doubling down on her "no ring no bring" rule by insulting the man's relationship, the bride-to-be made it intolerable
