I had an affair with a married man and I still don't think I deserve how kind his wife has been
I didn't know he was cheating; he told me he was in his late 30s, never married, and there were no pictures of his family on his social media so I trusted him. I was 18; I know him being interested in someone so much younger should have been a red-flag, but I'd only recently got away from a pretty a*****e home and having someone treat me like an adult made me feel special. But then I got pregnant; we weren't planning on it, but I was happy; I feel so stupid now but I really thought we could build a life together. He tried to pressure me into aborting, and when I said no (I've no judgement for anyone who would terminate in my situation, but I couldn't imagine doing it, and it's not an easy thing to get access to where I live) he just ghosted me entirely.
I ended up finding his real Facebook account; everything he told me except his first name was a lie. He's 45, and was married with two kids, the oldest being only three years younger than me. I ended up messaging his wife (I'll call her "Mary" for this); she asked me a few questions, thanked me, and promised she didn't blame me, and I thought that was that. When my son was born, I gave him my last name and told the hospital staff I didn't know who the father was because I was embarrassed about what I'd done.
Six months later, Mary reached out to me. She told me the divorce was ongoing, she'd separated from her husband (he basically ditched their family entirely as soon as he was found out, which makes sense in hindsight), and wanted to know if I'd be okay meeting up to talk about things. I agreed and TBH basically had a breakdown in Starbucks while talking to her; I'd dropped out of college, my applications for gov't assistance were taking too long, my own parents wanted nothing to do with me, and I was at risk of losing my apartment. I felt like a failure and was considering giving my son up for adoption because I didn't think I'd be able to care for him. I still feel awful about her having to comfort me, but she did; she outright hugged me despite everything. And a week later, she reached out again saying she'd talked to her kids and that if I wanted, I could come and stay with their family.
I've been living with them for almost a year now; my room used to be Mary's husband's games room, apparently, but now it's me and my son's. It was very awkward at first, especially with the kids, but they never hated me for what I did and after some adjusting we've been getting on well. We hang out sometimes at home and stuff, we've had a couple of sessions of all airing out our grievances about their dad, and they've both come to me for advice; the youngest invited me to her drama club's Christmas play and I don't think I've ever been so honoured. They call my son their nephew, instead of their half-brother, which I guess makes us maybe sisters but I don't want to push that if they're not comfy so I'm not putting a label on it.
And Mary's just been an absolute angel. I've tried to get her to accept rent, more than once, but she insists that as long as I'm saving some money I don't owe her anything; she's helped with childcare, she buys food for us with everyone else, and she's promised that she'll fund a lawyer if I ever feel ready to go after her ex for child support. She called me "my eldest" when talking to a friend recently and y'all I had to go and cry for a while. She really does treat me and my son like family and I think she's going to be his grandma. My son's going to grow up with the loving household I didn't have because this woman looked at me, the person her husband cheated with, and chose to open her heart.
I didn't know he was cheating; he told me he was in his late 30s, never married, and there were no pictures of his family on his social media so I trusted him. I was 18; I know him being interested in someone so much younger should have been a red-flag, but I'd only recently got away from a pretty a*****e home and having someone treat me like an adult made me feel special. But then I got pregnant; we weren't planning on it, but I was happy; I feel so stupid now but I really thought we could build a life together. He tried to pressure me into aborting, and when I said no (I've no judgement for anyone who would terminate in my situation, but I couldn't imagine doing it, and it's not an easy thing to get access to where I live) he just ghosted me entirely.
I ended up finding his real Facebook account; everything he told me except his first name was a lie. He's 45, and was married with two kids, the oldest being only three years younger than me. I ended up messaging his wife (I'll call her "Mary" for this); she asked me a few questions, thanked me, and promised she didn't blame me, and I thought that was that. When my son was born, I gave him my last name and told the hospital staff I didn't know who the father was because I was embarrassed about what I'd done.
Six months later, Mary reached out to me. She told me the divorce was ongoing, she'd separated from her husband (he basically ditched their family entirely as soon as he was found out, which makes sense in hindsight), and wanted to know if I'd be okay meeting up to talk about things. I agreed and TBH basically had a breakdown in Starbucks while talking to her; I'd dropped out of college, my applications for gov't assistance were taking too long, my own parents wanted nothing to do with me, and I was at risk of losing my apartment. I felt like a failure and was considering giving my son up for adoption because I didn't think I'd be able to care for him. I still feel awful about her having to comfort me, but she did; she outright hugged me despite everything. And a week later, she reached out again saying she'd talked to her kids and that if I wanted, I could come and stay with their family.
I've been living with them for almost a year now; my room used to be Mary's husband's games room, apparently, but now it's me and my son's. It was very awkward at first, especially with the kids, but they never hated me for what I did and after some adjusting we've been getting on well. We hang out sometimes at home and stuff, we've had a couple of sessions of all airing out our grievances about their dad, and they've both come to me for advice; the youngest invited me to her drama club's Christmas play and I don't think I've ever been so honoured. They call my son their nephew, instead of their half-brother, which I guess makes us maybe sisters but I don't want to push that if they're not comfy so I'm not putting a label on it.
And Mary's just been an absolute angel. I've tried to get her to accept rent, more than once, but she insists that as long as I'm saving some money I don't owe her anything; she's helped with childcare, she buys food for us with everyone else, and she's promised that she'll fund a lawyer if I ever feel ready to go after her ex for child support. She called me "my eldest" when talking to a friend recently and y'all I had to go and cry for a while. She really does treat me and my son like family and I think she's going to be his grandma. My son's going to grow up with the loving household I didn't have because this woman looked at me, the person her husband cheated with, and chose to open her heart.