Friends are one of the most precious things people have in their lives. So, maintaining those friendships is an important task. Yet, sometimes, people are faced with certain decisions regarding their friendships that might be hard to navigate.
Today's story is an ideal example of this. A person overheard their friend's boyfriend saying awful stuff about her. This put them at a crossroads whether they should inform their friend about it and break her heart or let it slide and hope he'll do better in the future.
More info: mumsnet
What should one do when you overhear your friend's partner belittling them to strangers?
Image source: Sweet Life (not the actual photo)
A friend group went to get some drinks together after work, and some of the people brought their partners along
Image credits: Helena Lopes (not the actual photo)
When one of the friends went to the bathroom, the OP overheard her boyfriend talking about her to a stranger
Image credits: Helena Lopes (not the actual photo)
He was belittling her education and profession, and he basically called her a stupid person who at least looked nice on his arm
Image credits: camiclairi
This left the author confused about whether they should tell their friend that her boyfriend said all those things or not
One of the OP’s friends is in a new relationship. The author has said that they didn’t have the best feeling about this man. After all, some people have a natural intuition, which helps them to sense “off vibes” from certain folks. Maybe today’s author is one of them. Yet, they decided to keep their suspicions to themselves because the friend seemed happy with this man.
However, one day when the friends went for drinks after work, their intuition was proven right when the friend went to the bathroom. Then, the author overheard her boyfriend talking to a stranger about her. And let’s just say that the spoken words weren’t the nicest.
For context, this friend of the OP’s works in events and marketing for a well-known museum. To acquire this job, she studied English Literature and Classics at St Andrews University in Scotland. Additionally, she got her master’s degree at Kings College in London. Apparently, all of this wasn’t good enough for her boyfriend.
So, when the stranger asked him what his girlfriend did, he replied that she wasn’t such a bright person, but she was at least good-looking on his arm. Ouch! He proceeded to diminish her education, calling it “one of those pointless degrees that need banning.”
If you’re wondering what kind of degree he deems to be worthy, it’s clearly his one – finance and economics. So, he’s simply one of those finance bros! Or simply a man who thinks that any profession or activity not related to money isn’t worthy. While finance bros are typically viewed as a stereotype, sometimes, reality isn’t that far off. This man is proof of that.
Image credits: Toàn Văn (not the actual photo)
Yet, the most hurtful part about him isn’t that he’s obsessed with money -- it's the fact that he looks down on his girlfriend. And so after overhearing him saying such awful stuff about their friend, the author started wondering whether they should tell her about it or not. After all, their friend is an intelligent woman who deserves someone better, someone who wouldn’t diminish them out of the blue.
So, they came to Mumsnet to ask for other people’s advice. The consensus there was that the person should tell her. Some people justified it by saying that if they were in her place, they would want to know. In fact, they said that if she heard it from someone else, it might affect their friendship. After all, trust and honesty are one of the main pillars of friendship. And in this case, staying silent might damage those pillars.
At the same time, a few Mumsnet users warned the person to tread lightly. They pointed out that people sometimes tend to get defensive about certain things in their lives, like relationships. For example, the woman hearing that her boyfriend she’s so happy with is belittling her to strangers might not want to admit that it's true. She might simply deny it, excuse his words, or even verbally attack her friend – defensiveness can take many forms.
Well, we don’t know her friend well enough to speculate how she will react to the news. But as people online said – she deserves to know what a jerk her boyfriend is before their commitment goes further. It’s better for her to know now than when it’s too late.
Internet folks advised the author to tell her friend before it's too late but to do it carefully
