The teenage years are a tough time for everybody involved. Teens start taking new social risks, while parents have to walk a fine line between giving them enough room to flourish and ensuring their safety. This is the tension that played out in one Reddit user’s AITA story about their decision to temporarily take their son’s door off of its hinges.
Respecting teens’ privacy is important for their wellbeing and growing independence, which is why many might consider the removal of a teen’s door to be an abusive act. Under the circumstances of this user’s story, however, they encountered a lot of support from Reddit. Let’s read it to find out why.
Teens need both privacy and safety to flourish as they transition from children to young adults
Image credits: Yusra Mizgin Günay (not the actual photo)
One parent wondered whether they were wrong to remove their teen son's door after a betrayal of their trust
Image credits: Gilles Lambert (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
The parent returned to clarify some info about the story, especially regarding their old-fashioned doors
Image credits: Lopsided-Advance-461
To lock or not to lock? That is the question
Image credits: Dids (not the actual photo)
Readers without children of their own may be surprised to hear that the question of locks, doors, and who gets to use them at home is quite frequently discussed among parents. There are weighty factors on both sides, and the right answer will probably depend on each family’s situation and the nature of their relationships at home.
Becoming responsible for your own room, or even desk, is one of the first personal responsibilities and privileges that many of us learn as young people. A door, whether or not it locks, is a big part of modeling a healthy dynamic between responsibility and trust. In the author’s case, they trusted their teenager to live with a locked door but their teenager violated that trust by using the locked door to sneak out. That doesn’t necessarily mean that taking the door away was right, but it does show that the door was more than just a physical boundary.
Fortunately for the teen, the author states that the door was only removed temporarily because it was responsible to remove the lock from it without doing so. Many commenters noted that they would remove the lock if they could and that they’ve lived without lockable doors in their homes. Why would parents choose to go with such an option?
Many highlight that lockable doors can be a significant hazard at home. We lock our outer doors for security, but locked inner doors can leave family members unable to respond to medical or fire hazards. On an emotional level, locked doors may also deny family members the opportunity to learn how to voluntarily respect one another’s privacy, personal spaces, and boundaries. Many commenters have noted that, despite not having locks at home, their families had made habits of always knocking and receiving approval before entering an occupied room.
Unfortunately, there’s no easy answer! An article on Metro Parent puts it quite well: “Parents of teens are constantly teetering on that tight rope, trying to find a healthy balance between knowing what their teens are doing, and trusting them enough to allow them some privacy.”
Despite the violation of the teen's privacy, most commenters were supportive after considering all of the circumstances
A few commenters were sure, however, that this parent had done the wrong thing and would come to regret their actions
