In an ideal world, married life is like a kettle where both spouses contribute - or at least try to contribute - equally. Money, effort, creative ideas, financial assets - because otherwise, you see, it wouldn’t be fair. Like when a house is registered to one spouse, but the other keeps improving it year after year.
And that’s exactly what happened to the heroine of our story today, who, after many years of marriage, suddenly realized her husband’s parents didn’t even see her as part of the family. Turns out, they actually see her as a threat to their son’s financial well-being...
More info: Reddit
Just agree, it's incredibly bitter to contribute to your marriage for years, and then to find out your in-laws don't consider you family
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author of the post and her husband are both in their late 30s, and they live in the man's late grandpa's house in a rural area
Image credits: syda_productions / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman contributes a lot to the house and to their marriage, despite the house being in her husband's name only
Image credits: dikushin / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Recently, the man's parents offered to gift them a huge amount of money, but wanted to set this gift legally in his name again
Image credits: Mammoth-Age4933
The woman felt devastated and nearly betrayed, so she turned to the Internet, seeking support and maybe some advice
The Original poster (OP) and her spouse, both in their late 30s, always loved city life, but when the husband’s parents suggested moving into his late grandpa’s big house - literally in the middle of nowhere - they went for it. They spent the following years there. The OP bought lots of nice, pricey stuff for the house, but it stayed in her husband’s name.
In recent years, the original poster has worked less because their daughter was diagnosed with autism and ADHD, so she spends a lot of time focusing on her kid’s development. So when the in-laws recently said they planned to gift the family some money, the lady naturally expected it to be for all three of them.
How wrong she was! It turned out that not only did the in-laws not want the money or the house to be in any way her property, but they also planned to legally record the gift so that in the event of any unforeseen situation involving their son, the money would return to them. Plus, if the couple spent the money, the OP would have to pay it back.
Saying our heroine was disappointed and upset is a total understatement. She was really hurt that, after all these years, her husband’s parents still didn’t see her as part of the family. So she took it online, looking for support and advice.
Image credits: wayhomestudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
In 2023, Forbes Advisor asked Americans why families break down, and “lack of family support” topped the list at 43% - even beating adultery at 34%. Financial experts say in-laws often try to influence a couple’s marriage by putting financial pressure on them.
Maplewood Counseling gives examples where one spouse’s parents offer money or gifts - but only if they get a say in family decisions or can push their ideas. This, the authors note, makes one spouse dependent on the other, alienating them at the same time.
Why does this happen? Well, Psychology Today says lots of parents just don’t want to accept their adult kid’s marriage and see their spouse as a “threat.” So they try to undermine their partner’s role in the marriage, making the couple emotionally vulnerable and fragile.
Experts say a lot depends on which spouse is pushing their own rules on the couple. After reading comments online and seeing she was totally right, the original poster talked to her husband, who got it and took her side. So, what do you think - can this couple fix things?
Most people in the comments sided with the woman and urged her to ask her husband to step in, which they actually both did
