In the Percy Jackson novels, there’s a famous quote that goes, “You can’t give up on family, no matter how tempting they make it!” But what happens when even a call from your family stresses you out, and no matter how many boundaries you set up, they never really work; you have to take drastic action, right?
Such was the case of the original poster (OP) as both her and her husband’s families constantly asked for their help for the smallest of things, and got annoyed if they refused. The couple was so done with this that they decided to move just to avoid their family!
More info: Mumsnet
It's important to set healthy boundaries with family, but when they don't respect these boundaries, some people are forced to take drastic actions
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster and her husband live close to both their families who constantly demand their help even with the smallest of things
Image credits: Dreamingofmoving
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Sometimes, they have unreasonable requests where they expect the couple's help even when the couple is struggling through something
Image credits: Dreamingofmoving
Image credits: Harlie Raethel / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
They even expect the couple to chip in for family holidays, and all of this has been too much to handle to the point where the couple are now stressed just from getting calls from the family
Image credits: Dreamingofmoving
Finally fed up of being used and getting rude reactions if they refused to help, the couple decided to move just so they could get some peace
Today, we dive into a family drama caused by members demanding too much from this couple who live in their hometown. Both of their families live close by, always demanding their help for the smallest of things, and get annoyed if the couple can’t. Geez, way to inconvenience someone!
The poster tells us about an incident where her husband’s parents went on vacation and expected him to drop his brother off at basketball training as he couldn’t drive. His brother also couldn’t be trusted with their blind, deaf dog, so the husband had to care for it while commuting to work three times a week.
Another instance was when the husband had badly injured his shoulder, yet they expected him to come and help move the couch and got annoyed when he couldn’t. Now that just sounds downright heartless, doesn’t it?
Even the poster’s parents constantly ask her to pick them up and look after their pets, while also putting pressure on family events. On top of that, they also expect her and her siblings to pay for family vacations and get irked when they can’t.
It’s natural that anyone would be sick and tired of looking after both the difficult families, and OP also mentioned it in the comments that boundaries have never worked with them. No wonder the couple finally decided to move and knew that they wouldn’t take it well when the families heard about it. OP admitted that although she feels suffocated by them, she also feels guilty about leaving.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Research suggests that it’s important to set healthy boundaries, even with your family, to protect your well-being, but when these limits are not respected, it can be challenging. Folks were particularly annoyed at how ignorant the families were of the couple’s boundaries, and they couldn’t even see that they were emotionally and physically draining them.
An article from Business Insider states, “When family members continually ignore boundaries, that's a sign of a toxic dynamic. Repeated boundary crossing sends the message that your needs don't matter. As a result, you may eventually stop bothering to speak your mind or express them—which could lead to mounting resentment when your needs aren't met.”
Looks like the family’s boundary violation is finally taking a toll on the couple. Many people claimed that if the verbal limits were not working, then creating a physical distance was the only option left for the couple. Some pointed out that if they're being this difficult now, they could be unbearable when they get older.
There were others who also argued that the couple shouldn’t have to uproot themselves just because of their toxic families. They said that the poster and her husband should bluntly reject and ignore their phone calls, it doesn’t matter if they get upset, as this would give them a straight signal that they're being too demanding.
Some folks also said that having them close might be helpful if the couple has kids in the future. But OP clarified that they wouldn’t be much help, rather, she would have to look after twice the number of people and go back and forth. So, it seems like moving would be the best solution, right?
What would you advise the couple? Leave your thoughts in the comments!
Folks online jumped to the poster's side and claimed that it would be better to move if they can't even respect the couple's boundaries
