“Haven’t Spoken To My ‘Parents’ In Over 10 Years”: 30 People Reveal Their Thoughts On Parents Kicking Their Kids Out At 18

In a world where adulthood is supposed to beckon independence and self-sufficiency, what happens when your own flesh and blood refuses to take flight? When, if ever, can you pull the plug on their cozy existence?

While the age of 18 might mark the end of a child's legal childhood, it's a murky path to navigate from there. Sure, in the bygone days, this wasn't such a big deal when young adults could live well from a single paycheck from McDonald's - an idea that is as baffling to current generations, as it still is achievable, according to some out-of-touch parents. Parents, then, find themselves torn between their obligations to provide a nurturing home and the growing frustration of having a child who shows no interest in venturing into the real world.

As today's discussion proves, there comes a point when many parents believe that turning a blind eye to their pleas for continued support might seem harsh at first, but pays off in the end. Although, it's not a one-size-fits-all solution, as Carl E Pickhardt, a Harvard-trained psychologist-parenting expert and the author of 'Holding On While Letting Go: Parenting Your Child Through the Four Freedoms of Adolescence,' reminds us.

"The child’s transition through the 10-to-12-year coming-of-age passage that we call 'adolescence' is not only the harder half of growing up," Pickhardt told Bored Panda, "it is also the harder half of parenting as more youthful separation, differentiation, and opposition now make the parent/child relationship more complicated and challenging for all parties."

In the past, this bump-and-stumble approach might have worked just fine, as Pickhardt explains. However, in the present era, characterized by its intricate and rapidly evolving landscape, this method exposes young individuals to greater risks and potential harm.

In Australia, for example, over 44,000 children and young individuals find themselves in the challenging circumstances of out-of-home care. And while it's not fair to compare out-of-home care children with ones that live in the nest of their guardians, a distressing report by the Australian Housing and Research Institute has revealed that within a year after being kicked out of state care in Victoria, half of the 400 young individuals find themselves without a home, falling victim to the harsh grip of homelessness. And that must be telling something.

"I believe in providing young people for adulthood with responsible self-management preparation in the adolescent years; not simply 'forcing' them into adulthood at age 18 with abandonment," Pickhardt explained. The approach he suggests for preparing young individuals for adulthood involves parents establishing a form of agreement, commonly known as a "freedom contract."

This type of preparation for adulthood, rooted in evidence-based parenting, operates on the principle of mutual understanding. "You demonstrate the behaviors we expect from you, and in turn, you are more likely to receive what you desire from us," he said. The 'contract' encompasses key provisions such as providing accurate information, honoring commitments, taking responsibility for choices, fostering mutual support, engaging in open discussions, and communicating with courtesy and respect.

By meeting these expectations, the teenager increases the likelihood of receiving reciprocal treatment. The contract underscores the importance of actions over empty promises, creating a foundation for accountability and a balanced relationship - values that hold great importance as young adults navigate their path in the vast and complex world.

"The preparation for adulthood I propose is parents holding young people in their care accountable to some variation of the 'freedom contract' as they grow through adolescence," a child's most impactful years, Pickhardt suggested.