You can’t choose family. Your biological family, at least. The connection parent-child is one of the most cherished social relationships. Yet some parents might reject their children because of their gender or sexuality. Siblings or members of the extended family can then become collateral damage.
This man told his story on Reddit about his missing brother. It started as a possible murder mystery but turned out to be a family drama. At first, he thinks his brother went missing but he finds out his parents were lying the whole time. Read on and find out the whole story below. And if you’re a sensitive soul, don’t forget to have a tissue ready.
Bored Panda asked licensed psychologist Dr. Nathan Brandon for his opinion on the matter. You can find his insights below.
Having a missing family member can be unbearably painful – it’s the not knowing that can eat you alive
Image credits: Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona (not the actual photo)
This guy recounts how he had lost contact with his brother for years, thinking he was gone
Image credits: Polina Tankilevitch (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Pat Moin (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Behnam Norouzi (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Brigitte Tohm (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwaway4620048486
The commenters on r/OffMyChest had some questions for the OP
It turns out his parents had lied and the brother wasn't missing at all
Image credits: Genaro Servín (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwaway4620048486
The brothers finally reunited. But be warned: reading this next section might result in serious waterworks
Image credits: Jonas Leupe (not the actual photo)
Image credits: David Hahn (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Blake Guidry (not the actual photo)
Image credits: El Guseinov (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwaway4620048486
Siblings can become mediators between their gay family members and their parents
Siblings often need to choose sides when part of the family rejects a gay family member. “Navigating intricate family dynamics amid an atmosphere of intolerance can be challenging,” Dr. Nathan Brandon admits. “The key lies in nurturing empathy, understanding, and love.”
Although it is intimidating, the sibling can act as a facilitator of peace between the two sides. Dr. Brandon says siblings who are in contact with their queer brother and their parents can play a crucial role in the situation.
“It's imperative they cultivate an environment of open conversation,” the psychotherapist says. Expressing support for their brother's identity is essential.
Dr. Brandon suggests not to forget that seeking professional help is an option. Especially from those therapists who specialize in LGBTQ+ issues. “This can guide them in facilitating dialogue and promoting understanding within the family.”
“The goal should be to uphold the dignity and rights of the queer sibling," Dr. Brandon adds. Another goal is to strive to mend familial bonds strained by intolerance.
Should a queer son or daughter seek to repair that relationship? Or is that the responsibility of the parent?
Many queer individuals face a dilemma. Should they start repairing a broken family bond? Dr. Brandon says that the responsibility should fall on the shoulders of both parties.
"When parents reject their child's identity, the primary responsibility should be theirs," he points out. They should be the ones to overcome their prejudices.
"When parents reject their child's identity, the primary responsibility should be theirs," he points out. They should be the ones to overcome their prejudices.
Dr. Brandon stresses one more thing. "The rejection and the pain inflicted by it are not the responsibility of the queer person," he says. A person should never feel that they need to change for their family to accept them. Especially their fundamental identity.
“The parents should show willingness and an effort to understand,” the psychologist says. “They should apologize for their past actions. Then the queer person may choose to engage in repairing the relationship.”
Dr. Brandon says that reconciliation is a personal decision. People should make it with the wellbeing of the queer individual at the forefront.
In some cases, therapists would recommend to go no-contact with the parents
If the relationship causes significant harm, therapists might recommend cutting off contact. “It's seen as a last resort," Dr. Brandon admits. The mental and emotional health of the individual should come before the familial bond.
The psychologist says the first step is to seek professional help. "A therapist can provide guidance and support in this challenging process."
“They can help the individual assess the situation objectively," Dr. Brandon says. A person might learn to manage the feelings of guilt and fear that often go with such a decision. It can also help to develop coping strategies.
Dr. Brandon tells Bored Panda that individuals should have a support system. That includes friends, other family members, or support groups. The people in this system should understand and validate their experiences.
“Setting boundaries or cutting off contact doesn't signify a failure on the individual's part. It rather can be a step towards self-care and preserving mental health.”
Dr. Brandon highlights one more crucial thing. “The decision to maintain contact with their parents or not lies entirely with the individual. It's essential to respect their choice.”
“Whether one chooses to maintain contact or cut off ties, it's crucial to have a support system. It helps foster healing and validates their experiences. Ultimately, every situation is unique. There is no one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to dealing with family dynamics,” Dr. Nathan Brandon says.
Fellow redditors shared the OP's joy and congratulated him on the happy ending
