God, Mom! You’re ruining my life! You’ll never understand me! Slams bedroom door.
Any parent of a teenager probably knows exactly what it feels like to hear something along those lines, but just because it’s expected at a certain point doesn’t make it sting any less. That’s why one parent recently reached out to Reddit to find out if they’re actually ruining their pre-teen daughter’s life by refusing to buy her the phone she wants. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as a conversation with Amy Morrison, Founder of Pregnant Chicken.
It’s easy for the smallest things to feel like the end of the world when you’re a child
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So after this parent was told that they’re ruining their daughter’s life, they reached out to the internet for a second opinion
Image credits: Liza Summer / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Zana Latif / pexels (not the actual photo)
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"While it might feel like an easy fix to just give her what she wants, it won't help her gain the skills she needs as an adult, like problem solving, dealing with disappointment, and resilience"
To gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to parenting expert and Founder of Pregnant Chicken, Amy Morrison. According to Amy, it's absolutely normal for kids to make bold claims like this to their parents. "It's hard being a teen," she told Bored Panda. "You are navigating the transition from childhood to adulthood with the pressures of school, body changes, and a need for independence all while trying to fit in with your peers navigating the same choppy waters. Life unsurprisingly feels pretty catastrophic many days."
Amy also provided some suggestions for how parents can respond when their children feel like their lives have been ruined. "Empathy goes a long way in situations like this. Recognizing their feelings while still sticking to boundaries is not mutually exclusive," she explained. "If you have budgeted $600 for her phone, then that's what she's working with. While it might feel like an easy fix to just give her what she wants - few parents want to see their kids hurt or embarrassed - it won't help her gain the skills she needs as an adult, like problem solving, dealing with disappointment, and resilience."
And while Amy understands that it's easy for parents to take these inevitable situations personally, she wants moms and dads to know that "your child wanting to fit in with their peers is not a reflection on how much you have or haven't given them in the past as much as they are trying to create an environment with as little friction as possible."
"It's less about deciding whether what your child wants is reasonable and more about sticking to your set parameters," the expert says. She suggests the parents tell their daughter something along these lines: "The iPhone 15 Pro Max sounds great, and I can see why you'd want it. We've set aside $600 for your phone, so if you want to save up your birthday money or figure out a way to make up the difference we're happy to add that to your savings."
Most children today receive their first phone between the ages of 10-14
The Washington Post recommends that a good age for a child to receive their first smartphone would be between 10-14, but according to Common Sense Media, 42% of kids already have one by the age of 10. It’s entirely up to the parents to decide when their kiddos are ready for a cell phone, but it’s likely that little ones will start feeling the pressure to get one as soon as their friends start using them. There are valid reasons to hold off on getting your child a smartphone, however, as Wait Until 8th, an organization dedicated to convincing parents not to give their kids smartphones until 8th grade, notes how rapidly this technology is impacting childhood.
Wait Until 8th reports that kids spend between 3-7 hours in front of screens each day, and research has shown that smartphones are addictive in the same way slot machines are. Smartphones can be a huge distraction from academics, and excessive smartphone use has actually been found to alter children’s brains.
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But some experts recommend that parents hold off as long as possible before getting their kids a smartphone
Spending too much time on their phones can interfere with children’s relationships, increase their risk for anxiety and depression, put kids at risk for cyber bullying, and even expose kids to inappropriate content.
But as a parent, saying no to your children is much easier said than done. Despite the fact that an iPhone 15 Pro Max costs upwards of $1,199, the pressure that kids feel to keep up with what others have can be incredibly powerful. Middle school is already an incredibly vulnerable time, and when classmates come in flaunting their brand new shoes, fancy jewelry or expensive iPhone, it’s natural for their peers to become jealous.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this parent made the right choice to give their child a slightly older iPhone? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing parenting, look no further than right here!
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Some readers assured the parent that they were right to not give their daughter the newest phone
Meanwhile, others judged the parent for giving their young daughter a smartphone in the first place
