When it comes to family, you’re basically expected to go the extra mile. However, if there aren’t reasonable boundaries in place, this obligation can quickly turn into a nightmare, breeding resentment and sowing discontent that can wreck relationships.
One teen is at her wits’ end after her folks saddled her with parenting her youngest sibling for most of her youth. After she finally managed to get a weekend away, her parents slammed her for not including her baby sister. That’s when the drama started.
More info: Reddit
Family helps family, but some teens get taken advantage of by irresponsible parents
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva / Pexels (not the actual photo)
After spending most of her youth forced to parent her youngest sibling, one teen put her foot down
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
In an angry outburst, she called her parents sexist for not recruiting her brother to take on some of the childcare
Image credits: Getty Images/ Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Not stopping there, she then told her entitled folks that they only had themselves to blame for the things they weren’t happy about
Image credits: Imogee82
Her parents clapped back, saying she’s not the only kid who’s ever been asked to take care of a sibling, so she’s turned to an online community to ask if she’s being a jerk
Growing up with siblings is always an adventure, but for nineteen-year-old OP, it came with unwanted baggage. She and her brother, 18, were always close allies, but when their younger sister, a surprise baby, came along, things shifted in an unhealthy direction. Instead of just being a sibling, OP was pushed into the role of second mom.
From feeding her to walking her to school, even supervising bedtime, OP was told it was her duty and responsibility to care for her sister. Meanwhile, OP’s brother was never asked to help; her parents flat-out admitted, “that’s not a brother’s job.” Cue years of resentment and the nickname “mommy-sis.”
Fast forward to today and the siblings are teens and young adults. OP dared to take a weekend trip away, without her 12-year-old sister, for once. When her parents found out they flipped, accusing her of neglecting her “duties” and favoring her brother. That’s when OP snapped and called them out for their blatant, old-school sexism.
Furious, she told them point-blank that if her relationship with her sister feels complicated, it’s because they forced her into parenting duties she never asked for. Now, she’s torn between guilt and frustration, and has turned to an online community for a sanity check.
Image credits: Meg / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
From what she tells us in her post, OP’s parents expected way too much of her from an all-too-early age. She’s right to be frustrated for missing out on her youth, don’t you think? People put in her situation are victims of what’s called parentification, and it can lead to lasting emotional damage.
In her article for TalkSpace, Reshawna Chapple writes that the term parentification was first coined by family therapist Salvador Minuchin in the late 1960s. It’s essentially a role reversal, where, as a child, you become your family’s caregiver. While it’s healthy for kids to have responsibilities in the home, they should be age-appropriate; parentification most certainly is not.
Of the two general types of parentification (emotional and instrumental), instrumental parentification is when you’re expected to do physical or practical tasks beyond what’s expected at a given age. If you grew up as a parentified child, you may still be carrying some of that trauma with you.
And it does seem there's some truth to daughters bearing the lion's share of this invisible labor. VeryWellMind argues that eldest daughters are typically given outsized responsibility for caregiving, household responsibilities, and emotional labor. They also often assume these duties at an early age, a burden that can negatively shape personality, behaviors, and relationships.
OP’s claim that her parents are sexist rings true, but that’s really just the tip of the ignorance iceberg. Her relationship with her sister is already showing cracks, so drawing a line in the sand with her folks will hopefully be a turning point. If not, perhaps it’s time she considers moving out - that’ll teach her pushy parents a well-deserved lesson.
What would you have done if you’d found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think she’s being a jerk for finally putting her foot down, or are her lost parents the ones to blame? Are you a victim of parentification? Let us know in the comments!
In the comments, readers seemed to agree that the teen was not the jerk in the whole mess, with one even slamming the parents for failing at basic parenting
