Man Goes Through Partner’s Phone To Find Messages He Didn’t See Coming, Sparks A Discussion

When the urge to check your partner’s phone arises, that alone can be a sign that something’s not quite right in the relationship. Be it a lack of trust, certain mixed signals sent to a person outside of the relationship, or an actual affair happening behind someone’s back, snooping is unlikely to make someone’s bond stronger.

One netizen recently turned to the Mumsnet community, sharing that she found her partner going through her phone; and it wasn’t the first time he did so. Asking for thoughts from fellow netizens, the user shared more details, which made some people believe she was in the wrong herself.

Scroll down to find the full story and the discussion below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with an expert in social and personality psychology with a focus on decision-making and relationship dynamics, Dr. Jeremy Nicholson, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions on the importance of trust.

Needless to say, trust is one of the fundamental aspects of forming a relationship. Without mutual trust, you can’t really open up to your partner, make them feel comfortable enough to open up to you, or make each other feel safe, which might lead to a rather rocky or short relationship.

In a recent interview with Bored Panda, Dr. Jeremy Nicholson seconded the idea that trust plays an essential role in relationships. “Without trust, the supportive give-and-take of a relationship can break down, satisfaction is reduced, and commitment is weakened. Put simply, we need to trust to cooperate and we need cooperation to make any relationship worthwhile.

“Snooping around certainly signals distrust,” the expert continued. “If you are snooping, you are communicating to your partner that you don't trust them enough to tell you the truth about something. You feel you need some sort of external information for some reason, beyond simply the word and reassurance of your partner.”

According to Dr. Nicholson, if a person feels the need to check their partner's phone, there is likely some type of issue with trust and bonding in the relationship; however, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the partner is the one to blame. Discussing the topic with Bored Panda, he suggested that there are four different reasons trust can be a problem in a relationship, and a partner potentially being untrustworthy is only one of them.

“Firstly, you may have been hurt in the past and have trouble trusting any partner in general,” Dr. Nicholson started. “Secondly, your partner may be acting in an untrustworthy manner – being selfish, punishing, or concealing things all of a sudden. Thirdly, the relationship itself may be out of balance in some way, like with one partner having much more power or control than the other.”

Last but not least, according to the expert, there can be outside influences, too, “like a particular type of job or group of friends, which may be harming the relationship and preventing trust and bonding between partners.”

His Holiness the Dalai Lama has said, “We need friends and friendship is based on trust. To earn trust, money and power aren’t enough; you have to show some concern for others. You can’t buy trust in the supermarket.”

It’s true; it’s not easy to earn someone’s trust, you can’t just go someplace and buy it. However, losing it is, unfortunately, much easier; especially in the digital age, thanks to the technology and social media many of us are using daily.

A report on the impact modern technology has on people’s relationships, based on a global survey of 1000 respondents, found that the convenience of modern technology is particularly detrimental in regards to trust.

Nearly half of respondents (49.20%) admitted having used modern technology for spying on their loved ones by snooping on their Instagram accounts to see who has liked their photos. (More than 60% shared having had suspicions that their partner snooped on their social media profiles.)

According to the report, seven-in-ten respondents have looked at their significant other’s phone when they were out of the room; some, arguably, for a reason, bearing in mind that 25% of surveyed people who have been caught cheating were caught via technology and social media.

The OP’s partner didn’t find proof of cheating. He did, however, find out that his better half was attracted to someone else, which was something netizens saw differently – some said it’s normal to show interest in other people as long as you don’t act on it, while others believed that having these thoughts alone was already a sign that something’s wrong. That started a heated discussion in the comments under the post.