New moms have a ton to deal with, especially after giving birth. From their health to handling a newborn, and coming to terms with their new life, it’s overwhelming for anyone to manage. It’s so important for people around them to make an effort for moms regularly, not just on Mother’s Day.
A woman shared her horrible experience of receiving absolutely no support from her husband and how he blew up at her for fainting one day. Bored Panda reached out to the author of the post, u/Ok-Resident2120, to learn more about the situation.
Woman struggles to look after newborn alone, husband doesn’t help despite being on paternity leave, when she faints at a party, he gets mad at her
Image credits: Sarah Chai (not the actual photo)
27YO woman shared that she had a baby with her 29YO husband, initially, he agreed to split the duties 50/50, but despite taking 6 weeks of paternity leave he just relaxed
Image credits: Lisa Fotios (not the actual photo)
The couple attended a party a month after their daughter’s birth, while at the party the woman blacked out and later she saw her husband “visibly frown” at her
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
The guy was mad at her for making him look bad by fainting, and after their fight, he ignored her and the baby for several hours, which is when she decided to pack up and leave
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
The woman made an update saying that her sister was helping her look after the baby
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
The poster also shared that her husband had sent her tons of angry and “vile” messages
Image credits: Kristina Paukshtite (not the actual photo)
It seemed like the distance from her husband was doing her good because she told commenters that she was feeling “a whole lot better than before”
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
In a final update, she said that her husband’s mother yelled at him for what he put her through but insisted she meet him once, so she took her sister along for safety
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
At first, the man was calm but later he began yelling and got aggressive, shoving the woman and her sister aside and locking himself with the baby in another room
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
The poster called the police, who took 30 minutes to get him out and still didn’t arrest him
Image credits: Ok-Resident2120
She eventually decided to apply for emergency custody and split up with him
The poster had to go through a lot on her own because her husband did not step in to look after their baby. According to research, the weeks following childbirth are physically and emotionally demanding on the postpartum mother. They need extra care and support from their partner and family. This will help them regain strength and better adjust to their new life. But, as the woman stated, she had to manage everything on her own because her husband refused to use his paternity leave for what it was designed for.
The author told Bored Panda, “I feel annoyed and hurt and deceived. He promised me that we'd be doing this together. I never imagined him to be the type so selfish that he could see me suffering and exhausted and still not want to help. How even after my body shut down from all the work he wasn't helping out with, he still couldn't care for me. He still didn't want to help. And it was confusing. He cared for me before. I know he did. So this switch up confused me to no end. I guess that's it. I'm confused, hurt, and feeling like I was cheated.”
It might come as a surprise, but only 5% of new dads use their paternity leave. A survey conducted found that men always took less than the full amount of leave they were given. Men who had 8 weeks of leave took an average of 7.2 weeks, while those who had 16 weeks took an average of 12.8 weeks. The survey also found that despite 76% of men and 74% of women saying childcare should be shared equally, only half of those men and women actually split the work.
A study on parental leave found that only 2% of men actually took on more caregiving than their partners and that the responsibility of running the house still majorly falls on women. As the poster stated, her husband initially wanted to take on equal parenting responsibilities. Later on, he began slacking off and told her that since his paternity leave was only 6 weeks long, he wanted to spend it by relaxing a bit.
This all brought a lot of stress on to the new mom and as she mentioned, she was not getting enough sleep and was in a lot of pain. Her health was so severely compromised that she fainted during a party. Everyone was showing concern for her except her husband, who got mad at her and later picked a big fight, blaming her for making him look bad. This led to her leaving the house with her baby and staying at her mom’s place.
Image credits: William Fortunato (not the actual photo)
The poster told us, “he did reach out to apologize, but it all felt half-a**ed. Like he was only saying sorry because he wanted me to come back. Then after I told his mom, all apologies from him thereafter felt like she was forcing him to apologize. And if his apologies were met with silence (of course I wasn't going to respond, he was acting unhinged), he'd turn aggressive. Threatening legal action, slandering me, cussing at me. It was all disheartening to read from a man who'd seemed so loving just a few months prior.”
The woman also let us know: “I told my mother and my sister, obviously. My mother was very supportive of me and my sister was very helpful. She took her own [PTO] from work to help me with my child and I'm really grateful for that. She dislikes my (maybe ex?) husband, it's very clear to me, but she's kept that to herself. Probably to not upset me.”
Unfortunately for the poster, her sister was right to dislike the man. In her final update, the woman shared that her husband had put on a pretense of being fine when she went to meet him with her sister. Later on, he became aggressive and shoved her and her sister. He even locked himself in another room with their newborn and refused to come out. Eventually, the police had to be called and even though they didn’t arrest the man, the experience prompted the woman to think of applying for emergency custody and splitting with him.
The man showed his true colors later on. Apart from being violent and aggressive, he also neglected his wife during a crucial period in her life. According to research, around 40% of women do not seek postpartum care and many do not have a support system either. This can have a negative emotional impact on the new mom and affect her health too. Which is exactly what happened to the poster.
Luckily, after the situation came to light, the woman’s mother and sister stepped in to help her. Hopefully, the split from her husband would have more positive effects on her and lead to a happier life. People in the comments were glad that she was safe and that her baby was not harmed. They encouraged her to look after herself.
Netizens were enraged by the man’s actions and couldn’t believe how many excuses he made to avoid helping his wife who was struggling
