Mothers-in-law are like any other people. Many of them are kind, caring, and awesome. But a few feel like they’ve stepped straight out of a soap opera's screen. Bad communication. Controlling behavior. Passive-aggression. Snide remarks. Entitlement. A penchant for drama. Those are just a few of their favorite tactics to subtly undermine your self-esteem.
A woman entertained the internet by sharing the exact text message conversation she had with her toxic mother-in-law that made her feel beyond exhausted. Her MIL tried to use passive-aggressive behavior to criticize her plans for dinner, but this quickly backfired. Read on for the full story, but be warned—it’s frustrating as heck.
Most in-laws are good people, but a handful are emotionally immature, toxic, and want to undermine your confidence
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This woman spilled the tea about her mother-in-law's passive-aggressive behavior, that she finally had enough of
Image credits: Teona Swift / Pexels (not the actual photo)
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Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This sort of behavior can do a lot of damage to the relationships and connections you've built up over the years
If you want to have a healthy, grounded, and respectful relationship with someone, then you’re best off avoiding passive-aggressive behavior. It’s toxic. It hurts other people’s mental health. And it can undermine all the hard work you’ve put into building positive connections with people.
In a nutshell, passive-aggressive behavior involves someone acting angry or upset toward you without saying so outright. Essentially, it’s someone behaving in a hostile and violent way without physical aggression. Being the target of this sort of behavior can leave you feeling drained, insulted, and confused. And it can set your relationship back quite a bit.
Some of the most common forms of passive-aggressive behavior include the following:
- Using sarcasm
- Subtle insults
- Backhanded compliments
- Giving you the silent treatment
- Ghosting you
- Indirectly refusing requests without saying ‘no’
- Making excuses instead of being transparent
- Procrastinating after being asked to do something
“A passive-aggressive person might repeatedly claim that they are not mad or that they are fine—even when they are apparently furious and obviously not okay. In denying what they are feeling and refusing to be emotionally open, they shut down further communication and refuse to discuss the issue,” Verywell Mind explains.
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Passive-aggressive behavior implies that the person lacks self-awareness when it comes to recognizing and expressing their emotions
The first step to solving a problem is recognizing there is one. Once you’ve noticed the signs of someone in your social circle being passive-aggressive, you can then take action. It’s very important that you avoid anger and over-the-top judgment so that the other person doesn’t get defensive.
Ideally, you’ll point out the other person’s feelings and behavior in a factual and non-judgmental way.
“Addressing behaviors without pointing fingers or assigning blame may make it easier for them to open up. It also lets them know that you recognize the passive-aggressiveness and aren't going to let it slide without talking things out.”
Meanwhile, give the other person a bit of grace. Give them some room to work through how they’re actually feeling. “Give them the space they need to figure out their emotions and handle them accordingly.”
Passive-aggressive behavior partly has its roots in a person’s inability to understand what they’re feeling and how they express their emotions. Luckily, this is a skill that everyone can develop, even if they’re not naturally gifted at it. You can improve your self-awareness by paying more attention to your emotions and how you react to people and situations.
With some time, practice, and patience, you can reduce the amount of passive-aggressive interactions you have with others. “Understanding your emotions and learning to express your feelings appropriately is an important step toward ending passive-aggressive behaviors. Conflict is an unavoidable part of life, but knowing how to assert your feelings effectively can result in better resolutions.”
What are your thoughts about the way the woman handled her mother-in-law’s passive-aggressive behavior? What would you have done differently if you were in her shoes?
What’s your relationship with your in-laws like, and how good would you say you are at setting and protecting your boundaries? Share your experiences and nuggets of wisdom in the comments at the bottom of this post.
The author went into more detail, answering people's questions in the comments
The internet had a lot to say about the family dinner drama. Here are some people's thoughts on the tense situation
