#1
It’s been over a decade and let me tell you, hurt fades, anger fades, but feeling dumb? That sticks.
#3
If the stories in this list feel devastatingly common, it's because they are. According to statistics compiled by Couples Academy, infidelity is a factor in a significant number of relationships. The data shows that while definitions of cheating can vary, a substantial percentage of both men and women admit to having been unfaithful at some point in their lives.
Some studies place the lifetime incidence of infidelity at around 20-25% for married couples. These aren't just isolated incidents of bad behavior; they are a common and painful part of the human experience, which is why the subtle first signs are so recognizable to so many people.
#4
#6
Many of the "gut feelings" and initial suspicions shared in the online thread are much more than paranoia. Instead, they are classic red flags that experts have identified for years. Marriage and relationship expert Sheri Stritof outlines several of the most common warning signs.
Unsurprisingly, the number one clue is a sudden change in technology habits: a partner who suddenly password-protects their phone, takes it everywhere, or deletes texts and call logs is a major red flag.
Other classic signs include a sudden, unexplained interest in their appearance, an increase in unaccounted-for time or expenses, and a noticeable shift in intimacy, either a decrease in connection or a sudden, unusual increase in intimate activity.
#8
#9
Once the red flags have become too numerous to ignore, the next step is one of the hardest: confronting your partner. The experts at Upstream Counselling emphasize that how you approach this conversation can make all the difference. Their first piece of advice is to be prepared. Before you say anything, gather your thoughts and any evidence you have.
It's crucial to choose a time and place that is private and allows for a long, uninterrupted conversation so don't start this talk five minutes before you have to leave for work.
When you do speak, use "I" statements to express your feelings rather than accusatory "you" statements, which can immediately put your partner on the defensive. Finally, you have to be prepared for any outcome, from an outright denial to a full confession.
#10
Driving to a state park with my daughter I asked her to look up lyrics to a song we were listening to, she got out her phone and I looked over to see 'mormon soaking' in past searches under the search bar, I took note of that and after my daughter went to sleep that night I got on her phone and I found a whole plethora of what the actual f**k.
But looking back on it. My dumb jokes didn't land the same anymore. She was looking for ways to villainize me, loaded questions "what does this mean, who's hand writing is this?"
Subtle ways she changed her makeup, the way she did her hair. She started listening to different music, was guarded about her phone and even yelled at me for trying to be silly and ask her who she was texting while we were watching a movie together as a family. She started talking about a coworker of hers a lot, then stopped all of a sudden, she even went on a road trip with that coworker to visit an old friend of theirs, I trusted her unquestionably. Walmart plus receipts showed that she bought lube before going on that trip. Also, the van broke down on the way back from the road trip and she had it towed to the town she worked in. She stayed there for 6 days until it was fixed.
I'd make chicken noodle soup from scratch and take pictures of it, proud as f**k with myself, she was working late, her only reply was "is the kitchen a mess?"
Google maps shows she'd get off of work at 8pm. Go to a hotel with a Jacuzzi suite, restaurant, movie theater, some residential house, fastfood, then get home at 3am, all while texting me that she missed our daughter and me and how much she wanted to be home. And when she did get home, she'd sit on the porch smoking w**d while on her phone, daughter and I wouldn't know she was home for awhile.
She was living a second life, boyfriend and his kids which she was buying things for, Walmart plus receipts showed Snow gear, sleds, toys for a toddler, men's belts, pants, alcohol, take action pill, I had a vasectomy in 2016, while it left me in chronic pain, it did work. I got it because of how severe the complications were with the birth of our daughter, the midwife and doctor taking me to the side and telling me that we might want to start thinking about which one to save. We moved halfway across the country, I made some friends here not many, I'm socially inept with severe anxiety. After the separation she told everyone that I got the vasectomy to spite her, knowing full well she wanted two more kids. She had a kid with her now husband last January, she had the same complications that she did with our daughter. Anyway, not only did she spread that around but turns out she was running a very effective smear campaign against me 2 years before the separation, everyone turned against me.
Wow, this turned into a rant, my bad, felt kinda good to get out though.
#11
It was easy to see her eyes fully go off of me and onto him.
#12
I didn’t notice it as a sign when it first happened, I only realized after the fact.
For those who have been unfaithful, breaking the pattern can feel like an impossible challenge. According to renowned relationship therapist Dr. Tammy Nelson, the key to stopping the cycle is to understand why you're doing it in the first place.
She explains that cheating is often a symptom of a deeper, unmet need. Are you seeking novelty and excitement that's missing from your life? Are you looking for an emotional connection you no longer feel with your partner?
Dr. Nelson's advice is to do the hard work of identifying that "why" and then finding a way to address it that doesn't involve betrayal. This often means learning how to communicate your needs directly to your partner or, if the relationship is over, seeking therapy to understand your own patterns before you enter a new one.
#14
This, and retroactively another sign that should have been obvious was that he would get upset with me and stop talking to me for days at a time. Found out later he was using this time to cheat, he would arrange a fight so he would have an excuse to not talk to me for a while so he could talk to her. And he did the same to her so he could talk to me. .
#15
The ultimate question after an affair is discovered is: can this relationship be saved? According to relationship expert Dr. Abby Medcalf, the answer is a definite "maybe," but it requires a massive, sustained effort from both partners. The first and most critical step is for the person who cheated to take 100% responsibility for their actions, without blaming their partner or the circumstances.
This must be followed by a complete and total end to the affair. No more contact, period. From there, the hard work of rebuilding begins. This involves what Dr. Medcalf calls "radical honesty," where both partners must be willing to be completely transparent and vulnerable.
It is a long, difficult road that often requires the help of a professional therapist, but for couples who are truly committed, it is possible to rebuild trust and create a new, stronger relationship on the other side.
Have you ever noticed any of these signs? Or perhaps you have a new red flag to add that these netizens have missed? Share yours in the comments section!
#19
#20
