Secrets are part of what makes us human. Everyone has them, and it’s up to every person to decide if they want to let them go or to carry them within forever.
On the other hand, it’s well documented that living with secrets, especially the ones that are important to you, can drain your mental energy. The time and effort you put into thinking of them or making sure they remain well hidden can lead to depression and anxiety.
So no wonder so many people, when given a chance, would take an opportunity to share their secrets, big or small, anonymously. This is what happened in this Ask Reddit thread that served as a safe place for spilled secrets people got tired of carrying on their shoulders.
Bored Panda also reached out to Laura Wasser, a family law expert and chief of divorce evolution at Divorce.com who shared some insight into keeping secrets and how they can affect our mental health and relationships, as well as when it’s best to lift up the burden and reveal your secret.
#1
I'm in a bad place right now. My partner is sick, brain damage after a sudden illness.
Most days he is his old self but some days he is a stranger to me. He's angry, and confused, he doesn't know me, gets into a rage and I have to calm him. I have to remind him of the 13yrs we've shared together. I've to break his heart and remind him that his dad is dead.
It's worse because to people on the outside, he seems totally fine, just a bit quieter than usual. They don't see him when he's confused or wondering who I am.
It's hard, and I'm burning out, between work, study, caring for him, volunteer work and now we have to f*****g move house and as he has mobility issues, most of it will be left to me. He'll be upset and confused at the change.
I will not leave him, I adore him. But it's made me realise that the life we had planned is not going to happen.
We were planning a baby. And we still want one but I've had to accept that it likely won't happen as he has mobility and memory issues. He cannot work, so how can I go to work and leave him with a baby, a toddler, when I come home and the oven is smoking because he forgot he turned it on?
He is so excited talking about this baby we are meant to have in a few years time. We had names picked. And I cannot bring myself to tell him that I don't think it'll happen.
I desperately want his baby. But I've had to cut myself off from excitement about it because how can I tell him that his illness is the reason why we shouldn't have one?
It's so hard because we both talk about it, we get excited, he says beautiful things about us having a baby together and then it hits me again that it'll probably never happen.
I'm angry. I'm heartbroken. I'm sad. We're not bad people. We try and help when we can, we keep to ourselves, we don't cause trouble, and we've had such a s****y run of luck lately. This is the nail in the coffin for me, and I CANNOT take much more of this s**t.
I've never felt such hatred for a god, deity, whatever cosmic force there may be, but I wake up from what little sleep I get, every day, begging whatever the f**k is out there, to leave us alone.
I want my old life back. I want my old partner back. I want our future back. And I'm so f*****g angry because people keep telling me to be grateful he isn't worse. And I AM grateful, my god, I was told if he lived, he'd be in a wheelchair and he defied the odds. But just because he's doing ok doesn't mean I'm not allowed to FEEL!
I'm f*****g ANGRY! And I'm sick of people dismissing my feelings about what happened because they say it didn't happen to me. It happened to US. He doesn't remember a damn thing about that night. I remember EVERYTHING!
I remember him seizing in bed, I remember calling 112, I remember him seizing again and again, I remember doing compressions on him, I remember him terrified, saying my name before he seized again, into unconsciousness for 26 hours.
He doesn't have epilepsy. He's never had any health issues bar a broken foot. It was so random and so out of the blue.
I'm sick of whatever is throwing all of this at us, and I know how horrible I sound because there ARE people in worse situations but I'm just f*****g done.
Whatever is out there, whatever I've done to have this fall back on us, just leave him alone. He's a good, kind, sweet man, he doesn't deserve any of this.
Just please stop because I actually can't take any more.
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316points
#2
Some days I want to build a cabin in the middle of nowhere, and just vanish.
Nobody ragging on me for my looks, nobody complaining that the job they're underpaying me for isn't done as fast as they want.
No more torturing myself with impossible dreams of a better life, with a wife and kids, and a dog and 2 cars in the garage.
Just me, in the damned woods, alone. No more scumbags saying "it's God's will" whenever something bad happens. It's all so exhausting.
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255points
#3
Someone attacked me in a park late at night and I found a drug needle somebody left behind and I stabbed him in the eye and ran, I have never seen him since then and I pray I never do.
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212points
“Deciding whether to disclose a secret or keep it to oneself can be quite a dilemma,” Laura said. According to her, “a helpful approach is to evaluate the possible outcomes of revealing the secret compared to the emotional strain of holding onto it,” Laura told us.
Laura argues that if holding the secret is causing considerable distress, anxiety, or remorse, it might be helpful to share it with a reliable person. “However, if disclosing the secret might result in severe consequences for you or others involved, keeping it might be the better option,” she added.
Moreover, your choice whether to reveal your secret should depend on a thorough evaluation of potential consequences and your emotional well-being.
#4
A few people are aware that someone I was very close to commited suicide in 2014. He was the kindest man, and always asked about me and he'd travel two hours by train just to meet me for a cup of tea and a slice of cake. He was someone so consistently there for me, I never considered the possibility of him one day not being there, and he seemed really happy; everything was "the best", every joke was the funniest he'd ever heard and every brownie was the gooiest.
What I don't tell anyone is that the few days leading up to his departure, I had several missed calls from him, watched one of the calls ring without answering, and recieved a message from him, pleading that I call him when I had the chance. I had many chances, but I didn't call him.
I woke up later that week to a message that, once pasted onto a Word document, took me two days to read. He wrote to me about his life, how insignificant he felt, how wonderful I am and then ended it with an apology. I then recieved an email from his mother, informing me he had jumped in front of a moving train.
I've never been a very sociable person. I've always been caring and I try to do the right thing, but for the last eight years I've stopped keeping kind thoughts to myself. The reason I check in on everyone, bake cakes and answer my phone is all my way of keeping a piece of him alive.
Sometimes the absence of kindness can be as damaging as malice - I understand that now, and I'm so deeply sorry I didn't realise it sooner. If you meet people in life who are enthusiastic, and living every day like it's their last, it might be, so I promise to always pick up. I know it's too late now, and I will live with the guilt for the rest of my life, but I'm okay with that if it means he's not forgotten about.
My dad told me that in the afterlife, everyone will be resurrected perfect. So, it's comforting to know I'll recognise him, because he was a great friend, and perfect in every way. I hope I get to ask him for forgiveness.
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202points
#5
I got revenge on an old high school bully on the last day of school by slashing all 4 of his car tires. I even saw him expressing rage on wtf happened to his car as I left, smiling to myself and thinking "Justice is served". And another bully by stuffing her backpack full of live roaches. Nope, still don't regret it. They hurt me, so I attacked back. Tug on the tail of a shark, you get bit.
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202points
#6
I accidentality killed a person while protecting myself. It haunts me to this day. I am not guilty of anything.
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189points
We also wondered if it is wise to keep secrets from your partner. The family law expert told us that it’s crucial to understand the difference between privacy and secrecy in a relationship. “Privacy involves maintaining personal boundaries and a sense of individuality, while secrecy can potentially harm the relationship.”
#7
Not so dark, but I hope my step dad breaks it off with my mom. She is physically and emotionally abusive to him but they act like it’s a normal thing couples do. It would be awful because I like him, but I want him to be happy.
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178points
#8
I don't go to the doctor about pains and hurts because I secretly hope they will eventually kill me. I know it's selfish.
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177points
#9
I gave my baby nephew a noisy toy because I was having a petty fight with my sister.
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166points
“When deciding whether to keep a secret from your partner, evaluate the secret's nature and potential consequences for your relationship. Some secrets can be harmful, especially if they involve deception, betrayal, or a breach of trust. Hiding these types of secrets from your partner is never a good idea in these circumstances,” Laura explained.
However, she added, not all secrets directly affect your partner or the relationship. “In cases where the information pertains to personal privacy, it may be acceptable to keep the secret without causing harm to your relationship.”
#10
I’ve smoked for almost 40 years. I’m a secret smoker - I rarely smoke in public and never at work so only my husband knows I smoke a pack a day and have almost my entire life. I just quit 15 days ago! The craving are killing me at times but I feel so much better. Smoking was so embarrassing to me - it’s just so stupid and unnecessary yet I kept telling on doing it for way to many years. Here’s to my new smoke-free life!
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165points
#11
I want my brother and his fiance to lose everything they have, including custody and right to see, their kids. They are awful, extremely manipulative people who took full advantage (financially, mentally, emotionally) of my elderly parents.
I hate them with every fiber of my being.
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160points
#12
Not really "dark" but just... heartbreaking.
I grew up in a charismatic evangelical cult. I was physically (not sexually) assaulted by the pastor and several church-goers in an "exorcism" to cure my depression and suicidal thoughts. It didn't work obviously. I was 16 or 17 and tried to kms pretty soon after (but failed obviously otherwise this comment wouldn't exist). After my failed attempt, I spent weeks and weeks crying on the phone to suicide helpline and trans helpline at night. I often begged for them to just let me cry to them and vent, not to call authorities as it would just make things worse for me instead of better.
My sister actually found me one night because I cried so hard that I puked (I was in the bathroom because it was the safest and quietest place for me to call that late). She was between 14-15 at the time. I just remember she was asking if I was okay, and it was very obvious that i wasn't. She actually comforted me a lot. I can't remember what she said, all I remember is her kindness and her concern knowing how badly I wanted to kill myself and how much I hated myself. She has always been my biggest support.
6 years later, we both escaped our parents (they're horrible horrible people who believe the cult did nothing wrong and still attend the church I was assaulted at). I've been nearly a year no-contact with them, meanwhile she still talks to them from time to time but she maintains firm boundaries and im so beyond proud of her for that.
I'm 22 now and had my first birthday without them recently- my sister made me a cake and got me a present and we had a get together. I didn't tell her then but I was pretty sad the whole day. not a single happy birthday from any of my family, and while I wanted it that way and there's really no way for any of them to get in touch with me... I still miss my parents.
I'm still just a scared kid who wants his mommy and daddy. I want my dad to tell me he's proud of me instead of what a fuckup I am and (pardon my language) how "r-t-rded" I am and how I'll never hold a job down. I want my mom to tell me I'm perfect the way I am and she will love me no matter what.
I dealt with heavy drug use too as a result of trauma and fear of going to therapy (yes I had and still kind of have that fear). I've been clean and sober for five months but some days... I just remember everything and I start craving again. I'm just thankful I don't know other dealers because I'd have OD'd for the umpteenth time by now.
I dealt with heavy drug use too as a result of trauma and fear of going to therapy (yes I had and still kind of have that fear). I've been clean and sober for five months but some days... I just remember everything and I start craving again. I'm just thankful I don't know other dealers because I'd have OD'd for the umpteenth time by now.
but I got myself where i am today... all without my parents. all without my family. I did that.
I guess thats my dark secret.
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156points
It’s also important to note that keeping a secret for one's entire life can present a significant burden, “depending on the secret's nature and its emotional repercussions.” Laura explained that for some individuals, the pressure of holding a secret can result in ongoing stress, anxiety, and mental health problems.
#13
I isolate myself from people and then get mad about it later on.
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147points
#14
Everyone is fighting silent battles, I hope everyone receives the love and care that we all deserves as HUMAN BEINGS!❤️ I hope everyone finds the peace that we all search for.
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143points
#15
I suffered from HORRIFIC intrusive thoughts due to OCD and for 28yrs I thought something was wrong with me. That I may end up being a predator/murderer/psycho (even though all of the thoughts made me physically sick). I was genuinely scared to babysit my 2yo nephew alone because what if I accidentally threw him down the stairs? I finally opened up to my therapist and she helped me work through it all and I'm not triggered anymore and I can finally live peacefully
133points
“In such instances, confiding in a trusted friend or a mental health expert can offer valuable relief and support. Conversely, if the secret isn't causing substantial emotional turmoil, it might be feasible to hold onto it for the rest of your life,” Laura concluded.
#16
I have a really difficult time connecting to and understanding other people. I’m never cruel about it. I just don’t feel connected to anyone. It hurts me. I don’t let it hurt anyone else.
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131points
#17
i have terrible memory issues, and no matter what i do to keep things on track (meds, planners, reminders, alarms, etc) things still slip through the cracks. it makes me feel terrible bc i hate the disappointed or even frustrated look i get when i ask a question and should cLEARLY know the answer. it’s especially difficult when people end up thinking i don’t care, bc “if you cared then you’d remember”
i care so much, i never want to ask what we planned for tomorrow (again) and when your birthday is (again, despite attending the party last year). it just gets really hard to juggle everything all the time
i care so much, i never want to ask what we planned for tomorrow (again) and when your birthday is (again, despite attending the party last year). it just gets really hard to juggle everything all the time
Edit: thank you for all the comments!! ive since been diagnosed with adhd and am on medication LMAO but it makes me feel better that i wasn’t alone in this :) and i’ll be taking into account the other medical advice some mentioned. thanks and love u all!
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127points
#18
When I was seven I was home alone. I called 911 due to a house fire that consumed half the house and they found me outside. My mother (who was at work, I was a latchkey kid) was told by the fire department that it was an electrical fire.
In truth, I had a lighter and was fascinated by fire. I was burning the little tassles at the end of the blanket on my bed, putting them out before it caught the whole blanket on fire... Until I wasn't able to and the whole bed caught fire. An electrical outlet shorted out from the heat, which caused the firemen to think that was the cause.
I'm 40 now. My mother still doesn't know the truth and I still remember it all vividly, complete with the heat on my face as I tried in vain to put out the bed.
116points
#19
Being alive is EXHAUSTING. I have chronic pain issues and a delightful combo of anxiety and depression, and having to hold down a job, care for myself, and keep my home not-gross takes up all my energy.
My dog keeps me hanging on. As soon as I get over my fear of death, I'm out of here.
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116points
#20
I'm happy my moms ex died.
Dude was a f*****g menace. Frequently had outbursts where he would destroy our apartment or threaten my siblings or my mom. His family and friends all thought he was harmless, but didn't want to deal with him. One day he was having another meltdown, my mom and siblings were hiding in my room and I was holding the door shut while he was trying to get in so I called the police. Dude blamed me for years after that and targeted me a lot.
One day some neighbor boys tried to assault me and when I mentioned it he convinced himself that I must've lead those boys on and kept inviting them over. I also had to take care of him when he shattered the bones in his arm and hand and traveling nurses refused to come to our house to flush his IV. I Imagine he was terrible to them too.
I have so many stories about this guy. I was around 22 when he died and I was genuinely happy that he died.
I thought I was kinda over it but once I had kids I've started to become angry with every adult involved. I couldn't imagine putting my own kids in those situations.
One day some neighbor boys tried to assault me and when I mentioned it he convinced himself that I must've lead those boys on and kept inviting them over. I also had to take care of him when he shattered the bones in his arm and hand and traveling nurses refused to come to our house to flush his IV. I Imagine he was terrible to them too.
I have so many stories about this guy. I was around 22 when he died and I was genuinely happy that he died.
I thought I was kinda over it but once I had kids I've started to become angry with every adult involved. I couldn't imagine putting my own kids in those situations.
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106points