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To learn more about the wild world of dating, we reached out to UK-based Dating and Relationships Coach Rachel New, who was kind enough to discuss unfortunate dating experiences with Bored Panda.
"Some people respond to a 'bad date' with laughter and light-heartedness (I used to turn mine into haiku that I performed at comedy gigs!), others become very despondent or anxious and want to give up dating altogether," the expert shared. "It depends on how you feel about yourself, whether you are resilient to the ups and downs of dating, and your beliefs about other people (which stems from your experiences as a child)."
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"If you find it takes you a long time to recover from a bad date, it might mean you need to do some work on emotion regulation – something I work on a lot with my clients," Rachel shared. "Others blame themselves, when in fact the only things they could have done differently are spot the red flags earlier and find a way to end the date more quickly: this is something else you can explore in coaching or therapy."
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Well, he took me to this really nice restaurant, one of the waitress came up to him while we were eating and asked my date “Wtf is this?”… looking at me.
I then find out she’s cousins with his ex girlfriend and he took me there for the cousin to see us together and for the cousin to tell his ex and make her jealous. Fucken idiot. Never went out with him again. He ended up marrying his ex.
The dating coach also says it's important to have a support network of friends, family and perhaps even a coach or therapist that you can process your dating experiences with. "You could discuss questions such as: Does the 'bad date' teach you anything about yourself or others? Could you have picked up any red flags earlier, at the messaging stage?" Rachel noted.
"If you ignored red flags, why? Was their strange behaviour a product of their culture, background, politics, upbringing, gender, mental health, or something else? What were the emotional needs of the other person? What can you learn about how dating etiquette and social norms vary?" the expert continued.
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And when it comes to trying to prevent unfortunate dates, Rachel recommends having a phone call or video-chat first. "Have a list of questions that you ask to see if you’re on the same page, such as 'What are you looking for?' and 'What do you admire in a person?' and 'What’s a good date for you?' You can check out their listening skills too," she noted.
It's also wise to plan to keep the first date short. "Don’t have a meal – just a coffee or a drink. Practice saying 'I don’t feel comfortable with this conversation' and 'This date doesn’t work for me.' Be happy you found out their fatal flaws early on!" Rachel added.
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As we walk in, I immediately realize there’s some kind of organized function happening, people are all standing and mingling, there’s food laid out, and there’s printed papers on each table that read “welcome Springfield Class of 1991”. I turn to her saying “hey I think there’s a reunion here” and she’s hugging someone. She says hi to a couple people then says, “and this is Steve!”. My name isn’t Steve, she forgot my name. It was bizarre. I ended up staying for 45 minutes and eating a quesadilla as Steve the reunion date, then told her I had an early morning. She texted me the next day but I felt this one time, ghosting was ok.
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If you've been on a bad date, don't beat yourself up about the experience. "Someone behaving badly can feel horrible for a while. Try to understand that it’s most likely because they suffered trauma or a poor upbringing and haven’t had their emotional needs met," Rachel shared. "Perhaps they are emotionally immature – see their behavior as similar to a young child. And yes, you deserve to be treated better!"
And if you're looking for more wise words about dating, be sure to visit Rachel's website or check out her workbook!
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