While the vast majority of weddings had to be modified in some capacity due to COVID-19 (96%), the good news is that for nearly 93% of engaged couples, the pandemic didn’t cancel their wedding celebrations, showed a new study from The Knot. That means that amid all the chaos and uncertainty, most people still find a way to say I Do to each other.
But those who married before the global health crisis hit, when the world was free of restrictions, had a chance to have a wedding as lavish, extravagant, and huge as they wanted to. Some, however, chose a more minimalistic approach to their weddings and tied the knot in small, symbolic gatherings.
So now the people who didn’t opt for a big wedding share if they regretted their decision and what they’d do differently, if they could. Scroll down through their honest responses shared in this r/AskReddit thread, and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments below!
#1
My husband and I eloped in our hometown. My sister was the witness and we had a pool party with our immediate families afterwards. We got take out and cupcakes and wine. It was a fantastic day and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
237points
#2
Wife and I spent less than a thousand all in (her dress, the rings, dinner for the immediate family, favorite aunt married us on the beach for free at sunset) and bought a small house instead of having a large service and reception that neither of us wanted. Had a lot more fun doing that than attending any of my cousins (or siblings) fancy wedding extravaganzas that dumped them or their parents into a massive amount of debt.
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179points
#3
Absolutely no regrets. You always have the option to do the party/celebration for your anniversary/vows renewal etc down the line. We never felt the need though. Spend your money on something else forget the pomp of a big wedding. It's a disgusting industry in my opinion. My pair of pennies anyway.
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159points
To find out what an expert has to say about planning small weddings and what are their upsides, Bored Panda reached out to Rhiann Janak, a professional wedding planner and CEO of Lucy Till French Weddings. First off, Rhiann assured us that a small wedding can still be as lavish as a big one.
She also said that more and more people are opting for small weddings these days. “A large portion of our weddings for next year are 60 guests or less. For 2023, the inquiries I am receiving are back up to the 100 pax guest list, but it's quite rare to hear of 150+ weddings among my clientele,” she said about this new trend.
#4
I’ve had a big formal wedding and a small courthouse wedding. My personal opinion, the big wedding was a huge hassle. My parents took out loans to pay for it and they were in debt for a few years. There was a lot of pressure to do it all ‘right’ - fancy invitations, rehearsal dinner, expensive dress, catered meal, open bar, big cake, flowers everywhere (and my MIL got into a fight with the florist over the bill). It was exhausting and not fun.
My second wedding was at the courthouse with 2 friends and a couple family members then we had a cookout/bon fire party in our back yard. It was awesome. We spent $15 on some basic invitations that specified ‘no gifts, just come celebrate with us.’ My new MIL bought a random cake at Walmart that ended up being ammo for a food fight, we grilled steaks and chicken, provided a big cooler of beer and soda but most people brought their own beverages. No pressure. No stressing over centerpieces or wearing pinchy shoes. Was it trashy? YES. But it cost about $150 and everyone had a great time.
More importantly, I knew right away that the first marriage was a mistake but was ashamed to back out after everyone involved put so much into it. The second wedding was us being ourselves with our real friends and we are still happily together 13 years later.
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147points
#5
My wife and I are so glad that we had a small wedding (cost us about $700 total) and it was perfect.
My brother's brother-in-law paid $30,000 for his own wedding and she left him in less than year (and they had been together a really long time before that). The only people who really benefit from large weddings are the people making money off of them. Keep it small.
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134points
#6
Had ours at a BnB. Parents, Siblings, and grandparents...so like 10 total people. We had a 2 week honeymoon in Clearwater, good down payment on a home, and got 2 kittens immediately after.
No drama, no debt
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132points
Rhiann explained that the upsides of a small wedding are “having the budget to put towards the premium personalization of their wedding, or the extension of their wedding to include more activities for the guests, more days of celebration, and top-rate suppliers,” she said and added “What's not to love about that?”
One reason why people opt for smaller weddings may be that more and more couples are paying for their own weddings, hence the pressure to invite parents' friends is off, the wedding planner explained. “Some have been through a lot with covid, and haven't had much choice or have taken the opportunity to reduce their guest list for the more intimate wedding they had always dreamed of."
#7
I think big weddings are a huge waste of money. My husband and I decided to get married on Thursday and got married on Saturday. Just immediate family and a couple of close friends. Never regretted it. Been married 41 years.
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115points
#8
My ex wife and I got married in the back yard of Paul Walker's Uncles house. It was by far the biggest house I have ever seen. We had the music playing while she came down the isle, flower girl, best man, maid of honor, everything. Well she ended up cheating on me with her boss 6 years later and I heard from other people she had not been faithful for our entire marriage.
When I remarried we did it in the courthouse. We took pictures and went to dinner with her family. Yes, it was not as fancy, but we both agreed that we would put all our efforts into a beautiful honeymoon.
I guess what I am trying to say is that it does not matter or should not matter where you get married. What does matter is who you are getting married to.
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112points
#9
We were kids (18 & 21) so we had no money to throw a big party even if we wanted to but we loved our wedding. We invited people that are still in our lives and got to spend quality time with every single one of them during the party. No drama, no drunk uncles, 5 years later everybody still laughs and reminisces.
Really no hate or judgement towards people who had/are having a bigger event. My brother had a big wedding and we had so much fun! Just stay true to yourselves - it's a day that you - and not cranky aunt Hilda - will remember for the rest of your lives!
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109points
When asked if her clients ever regret not having a bigger and more lavish wedding, Rhiann said: “never say never, but my clients who've eloped or spent incredible weekends celebrating their love with their nearest and dearest have always come back to say they wouldn't have wanted it any other way.”
“I would say the thing couples worry most about prior to a short-list wedding is having the ambiance for the dance party. I say, let's make a cozy and dreamy setting for your guests to completely relax in and book premium entertainment to make a party no one can resist,” the wedding planner said. “Believe me, dance parties always consist of that one core group of non-stop dancing friends anyway!” Rhiann concluded.
#10
Waited over a decade to get married. Covid let us get married over zoom without dealing with the messy logistics of an in person wedding. Also a lot cheaper. Covid is a great excuse for people that want small or non existent reception.
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103points
#11
I've been with my wife for 21 years and we've been married 14. We had a Courthouse wedding with her mom and my dad. After the ceremony we went to lunch at my wife's favorite restaurant and then went back home to our apartment. All together the whole thing cost maybe $200 with license and judge. And nobody in either family (she's an immigrant so her family here is fairly small) really cared. I hadn't really seen any of my extended family in years prior so I really had no idea how to contact them about a wedding anyway.
After all this time together me and the wife never once regretted not going through the hassle and expense of a big wedding. We both see it sort of pointless but not necessarily bad. If someone wants a big wedding then good for them. If someone doesn't the same sentiment exists: good for them.
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94points
#12
My husband and I eloped in Scotland and then spent a week in the highlands for our honeymoon. It was probably the happiest week of my life. Our only witnesses were our photographer and her partner.
85points
#13
My wife and I went on a trip and got married at a resort destination just me and her. We both didn't want the huge formality of a wedding day and the cost as well. Not to say we didn't have gatherings. We had a big party at our place prior to the trip.
Then we hired out a few tables and a side room at a fav local restaurant and had a big dinner with my extended family. Finally as part of the trip we went back to visit her family and relatives overseas and had a similar dinner/gathering. We did a rough calculation and the cost of a big wedding was more expensive as the big trip and the x3 dinners.
Ppl from both sides of the family seemed happy as they didn't have to spend a whole evening at a reception and/or attend an afternoon ceremony. A lot of our friends seemed happy either way, appreciated the casual party at our place and didn't feel the need to get all dressed up. Also the trip was basically our honeymoon.
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77points
#14
I had a big wedding a few years ago and did not enjoy it. My brother in law, on the other hand, had a small wedding due to covid and it was so calm and beautiful. Looking back I wish I would've had a smaller one.
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73points
#15
Not what you asked but, I wanted a small wedding. Just immediate family and a couple friends at my parents' home with a BBQ and water fun after. My mother insisted on the big deal. I hated it. The day was a torture for me. I regret giving in every time I think about it. The only part I am glad for is that I got married. I don't have any wonderful memories of the day itself. I let my daughter have my wedding dress for a costume. It brought me more joy at Halloween than it did on my wedding day.
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68points
#16
We paid about 2 grand total for our wedding, we married in a tiny little registry office which was nice and clean and the lady who married us was lovely, it wasn't a big venue but it was big enough for our close family and friends. We rented the suits and that was the most expensive item, we got the bridesmaids dresses online for cheap, they all looked really nice and my wife looked lovely, her dress was second hand from eBay.
We found a bus museum and hired an old London bus for an hour to drive the people from the wedding to the party. We didn't have a reception and a sit down meal, instead we booked a local club that had a nice big room, we got a family friend to do a buffet for all the guests.
It was a really great day, the wedding was nice, my wife was happy, lots of our friends and family attended, there was plenty of food and the drinks were cheap at the bar in the club we picked, I couldn't have been happier with how it turned out.
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58points
#17
Small wedding is great. Got married with about 40 people. All close family and friends. We went to a wedding two months before with 150 people. Terrible. Way too big overblown and crazy expensive. A small wedding is great, and the day after you’re still just as married as you would have been if you spent thousands more.
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56points
#18
Let me give you the other side... me and wifey wanted to get a simple marriage ceremony. Either of us didnt have much money saved.
Our families overrode that..what happened was a 5 day fiesta that fed and entertained about 800 of our combined extended family, post which we didnt have anything left, my sisters put in more money than i would have earned in an year, her father had to take a loan for their side.
So the toll of this 5 day extravaganza was about 3 years worth of salary.
Till this day i wish we could have used a fraction of that money (literally 10%), it would have gone a long way in helping us settle.
Specially as that was just before Covid 19 f**ked the economy
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55points
#19
This question really interests me because me and my fiancé are getting married next February and we've actually gone from "big party" to "small gathering of intimate people" since we first started planning it. Mostly because neither of us is exactly "social". He's an introvert and the idea of a big party with people who we rarely see slowly became nauseating to us. I mean.
The wedding is supposed to be a celebration of love with the people who actually know and cherish the couple. Not a "show off" event. I come from a deeply traditional family with big weddings and this has been a topic of "discussion" lately. So knowing how you guys feel after is actually helping. Thank you! :) Edited to correct spelling
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50points
#20
I eloped abroad with only two witnesses (one who married us and his girlfriend) we had a fantastic time walking around a new city, exchanged vows in the park and were already at our honeymoon destination.
Had a fantastic week, saved a ton, had a reception thrown by parents. No stress, no overwhelming attention, just a sharing of vows by two people which we felt was what was necessary. Hit ten years a week ago.
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47points