30 People Reveal Their Secrets That Sit The Heaviest On Their Chest

Here's a happy one folks: I love her. It's too early to tell her but we have both been dancing around the phrase and we both know that's what it is. We can't go a day without meeting or calling and at any given moment I would rather be cuddling with her. As a guy who struggled dating for the longest time, it got better.

Although I am highly involved, positive at work and have only changed positions 5 times in a nearly 35 year career, they are not my family and I would walk out for a higher paycheck in a split second.

I broke my parents up 20ish years ago and to this day mom thinks dad hired a PI

Nope, it was actually just a wildly coincidental situation. I had in my possession, dad's new video camera one night when I went with my boyfriend to pick up his drunk brother from the bar and out walks my mom out of the same bar while we waited and played with camera and she WALKED IN THE FRAME SWAPPING SPIT WITH A DUDE I'D NEVER SEEN BEFORE!

She was a drunk with newer [addiction] habit plus dad had recently told me before this that he thought she was cheating on him and so s**t at my home was insanely bad. I got my chance to get her out of my life...

And I f*****g took it.

Afghanistan, 1994. A better man than me, gave his life to Save mine. 30 years later, I still deal with the guilt, and feeling like I haven't lived up to his sacrifice.

I gave my baby nephew a noisy toy because I was having a petty fight with my sister.

I accidentally wore my wife’s mom jeans to work today and none of my coworkers have noticed. Personally, the high waist has my a*s looking awesome.

I'm a middle-aged father that works hard and keeps my family together. We don't miss meals or rent, barely. But, when I leave in the morning and I'm alone on the drive I cry and scream and wail at the stress. I'm scared. We're one bad thing away from doom. But, I make it my mission to project confidence and safety to my family. They're oblivious. I'm okay by the time I get home every night. I cook and help out and spend time with them.

When my mom dies I will need to check myself into a mental institution because she is the thing keeping me here. And I’m afraid that will be the thing that tips me over the edge.

Just so people know, I’m ok. My mom is my best friend and I’m terrified of life without her.

My work day is like 35% looking at Reddit these days. Just got commended for my great work with a promotion so I don't see a reason to change things up!

One time I brought soda to a potluck-type party. On the way to the party, the bag ripped and the two soda bottles fell and rolled all the way down the hill with me (despite being athletic at the time) cursing and chasing them.

I got to the party and just... set the soda down on the table, and walked off to a different corner to socialize. Didn't say anything. That's someone else's problem now.

Some time later, there was a massive hissing explosion, and the girl who had opened the sprite I brought was standing there, in a white shirt that had become completely see through, looking shell shocked and very wet.

Sorry Christy.

When I was in 5th grade maybe (10-11yrs old). I wanted to go home really bad so I decided I would pretend to pass out. Went to the bathroom during lunchtime, peed, washed my hands, then laid down in the floor to and closed my eyes waiting for someone to find me. It was AN HOUR and a half, (after lunchtime and recess) before the janitor found me when he came to clean.
My mom was called, i pretended to not know how I passed out. But because i had been laying face down, there was a red spot on my forehead, so they assumed i tripped and hit my head or something. but it worked! I got to go home, didnt have to deal with a school bully, and my parents let me sleep and play games all day.

FAST FORWARD! I did it again several months later, but this time out on a nature walk our class was on (bc I was a lazy kid who wanted to be inside) but I wanted it to be super believable since there would be others around. So this time I tripped and fell (actually landed on a tiny rock so did scrape my face) and started twitching my legs like I thought it was supposed to look having a seizure. The other kids panicked and yelled for a teacher and this time they did call 911 and my mom. My mom actually beat the ambulance to me.

So i end up in the hospital, where I continue to pretend something is wrong bc I want to be out for like a few days so i could just be home like last time. (I hated school y’all! Was well behaved and got straight a’s and b’s but had a TERRIBLE time making friends bc I was super shy; like not talk unless spoken to kind) anyway, to keep up the charade, i changed from my legs twitching to my left wrist (easier to maintain) and just kept doing it every now and again for a solid five hours. At one point my mom asked me if I was doing it, and I said “no why would i fake that?” And she said okay just checking.

Anyway, after 6 years of test after test, and multiple doctors visits trying to figure out what was wrong (I am 15-16 at this point, I was wayyy too deep to ever admit anything, with all the money I’m sure I costed us with all the running and tests…BASED ON A LIE IN FIFTH GRADE) medical teams actually concluded I had seizure disorder. I was flabbergasted, since my a*s was just faking but like now i might actually have to take meds? Turns out, as I approached puberty, these fake seizures i had to get out of school actually was a developing REAL seizure disorder called Catamenial seizures. These are a type of seizure disorders directly linked to your menstruation cycle, and because of it, I had SEVERE heavy bleeding all through my periods for up to a month at a time. HIGHLY IRREGULAR. Mine were so severe in fact, I had to stop having them all together and be regulated with an IUD. Also I was told after an exam from a gynecologist that with this disorder, that if I ever wanted a child, that it would be hell, that there was more than a 60% chance that either I, my baby, or both would die during childbirth.

TLDR; I faked having passing out/ having seizures to get out of school, but then it turns out I actually have a seizure disorder and am infertile because of it.

My intrusive thoughts are not cute. I don’t impulsively get bangs and say “the intrusive thoughts won!” Mine are about falling down the stairs and my baby’s skull getting crushed. Working on a project and a drill going through my eye. A family member sexually assaulting me. It sucks to have these horrible thoughts all the time, almost like they invade my brain so fast I can’t stop them. All I can do is acknowledge them and try to move on.

I don’t remember all the details, but In college, I was trying to find street parking before class. Ended up getting a spot ironically next to my roommates car. Somehow while maneuvering into the spot I bumped into his car, and dented the side little bit. Whenever something like this has happened, I always leave a note or take responsibility somehow. However, something about it being one of my best friend’s cars made it so embarrassing that I couldn’t do it. I went on to class.

After class I walked back to our cars with him, and saw him notice the ding, and of course express his frustration.

I still couldn’t bring myself to tell him, so instead over the next few months, without his knowledge, I reduced his portion of utility bills until it equated the cost to repair the damage

25 years later this is the first I’ve told anyone.

I can't wait until I'm dead. Thinking about no longer existing just gives me this feeling of relief. The idea of an afterlife terrifies me more than anything because it means there is no escape from existing.

I'm in my 30s now and hoping my life is almost half over by now. Objectively, my life is good, I guess, I'm just a miserable person or something.

In my first job, I did what I always do. Start up the machine. While it warms up, I would wipe down the surface. Just something to do for about four minutes before starting. Just like that, a corner of my cloth was ripped out of my hand and pulled into the workings of the machine. Lots of loud and expensive noises later. I hurriedly switched it off, removed the shreds of rag and put the covers on again. Go to loo for a bit and then arrive back. Open cover and call supervisor over to say, “look at this” . I was not found out.

I'm so tired of always being the "bigger" and kinder person.

I did eat the last donut.

I feel emotions and I am kind, empathetic etc

But deep down inside I couldn't care less

I'm as empathetic as I am detached from people

Its like every emotion or empathy is conditional

I feel sad because I understand its the right moment to feel sad

Or I love my woman but in a split second I could move on without a problem

I feel like a functional psychopath who doesn't know it.

Every couple of months i get the urge to just up and leave everything, move to a state where i know nobody, and start over; it’s probably a good thing i care about my credit and finances otherwise i’d have done it by now, bills and credit keep me at my stable job.

I don't wanna die. I just wish I never existed in the first place. But I'm at a point in my life where I know me being here has positively impacted someone really close to me, and they've told me the state they'd be in if I wasn't here with them. So that keeps the demons at bay for now

Edit: To the person that sent a reddit cares, thank you. I'm okay right now. Some days it gets really bad but I'm still kicking all the same.