Woman Breaks Down Her Unconventional Living Arrangement With Her Partner, And People Have Thoughts

For some, a long-term relationship culminates with things like leaving a toothbrush at each other's home, giving each other keys to their place, and eventually moving in together.

But a fair share of couples think that it's way more romantic to have different bathrooms, bedrooms, and even addresses. Daniella, a 41-year-old brand manager from Ohio, and her partner are two of those people.

She recently turned to TikTok to explain how they live together but separately in a duplex with their own apartments, and her video quickly went viral, igniting a discussion on modern housing dynamics.

More info: Instagram | TikTok

Daniella told BuzzFeed that she and her partner were inspired by the idea of a "bridge house" early on in their relationship.

"Since we were both previously divorced and we each have a child from our previous marriages, we knew we didn't want to live together in the traditional sense," she explained. "However, two separate buildings and a bridge were out of our means, so we began talking about a duplex."

She said they both had several reasons why they didn't want to fully cohabitate, and a lot of them had to do with preserving their identities within their relationship.

"When we talked about what our relationship could look like in the future, we both felt confident we wanted to be together, but it was important for each of us to feel autonomous, too. Living apart together felt like a way to tie our futures together but in a sustainable and independent way."

As Daniella mentioned in the video, they also think this decision is the best one when it comes to their children. "Blending our families completely didn't feel like a good option for us for a lot of reasons, but mostly because we felt our kids deserved (and needed) to have space and one-on-one time with their parents."

"We started dating in August 2019 (we're about to hit our four-year anniversary!), so we had only been together a few months when the pandemic hit, making things more complex as we worked to find a balance for developing our relationship, entwining our families, and maintaining healthy boundaries that didn't move things along too quickly."

"We had a little bit of a trial run at living apart-together during the pandemic when we shared a babysitter for our kids who helped them with remote school for a year," Daniella recalled. "So, each day, we came together as a family to work/school but then would go to our separate spaces at the end of the day. After two years of living in separate apartments about two miles apart, we were both ready to buy a home, and we decided we were ready to look at duplexes together."

Daniella and her partner have received some criticism for their living situation but in terms of how it has affected their relationship as a whole, Daniella said, "I love knowing that he's only a flight of stairs away if I need anything: from a hug to help with something."

"I also love that we're comfortable and confident enough in our relationship that we don't feel like we need to spend every spare moment together. We both have hobbies and enjoy time alone, and we also both feel really committed to spending quality time with our individual children. Every decision we've made in the last two years, from where to buy our home, to repairs/upgrades to the space, to when and where to take family vacations, has been done in equal partnership, There is no default caregiver, default decision maker, or default schedule."

However, even with all the mixed reactions in the comments under her video, Daniella believes that people are becoming more open-minded about alternative living arrangements for families and couples. "I had never heard of anyone in a long-term committed relationship living like this until just a few years ago, and now, I've found lots of other people online and off who have created families and partnerships that look all kinds of ways," she said.

"The living-apart-together movement has a lot of variation even within people who identify with that term: from legally married people who live across the street (or town) from each other, to polyamorous partnerships living in one or more homes with partner(s), to folks who are dating living separately with no intention of ever living any closer than they currently do. I think it's really beautiful how people find ways to create meaningful connections that don't prescribe to a traditional or nuclear family."

The reasons why people get married and the reasons they move in with a partner actually differ in some key ways.

When the Pew Research Center took a look at the data from a nationally representative survey of nearly 10,000 Americans over 18 years of age as well as the numbers from the National Survey of Family Growth, it found an interesting difference.

Most married and cohabiting adults cite love and companionship as major reasons why they decide to get married or move in with a partner. But about four-in-ten cohabiters also say finances and convenience were important factors in their decision: 38% say moving in with their partner made sense financially and 37% say it was convenient. In comparison, just 13% of married adults cite finances and 10% cite convenience as major reasons why they decided to get married.

Additionally, among cohabiters, about a quarter (23%) say wanting to test their relationship was a major reason why they decided to move in with their partner.

So if you and your partner are relatively comfortable financially and have already showed each other that you can make it through thick and thin, alternative living arrangements, like the one Daniella has, can become more attractive.