30 Petty Grudges People Refuse To Let Go Of, No Matter How Much Time Has Passed

To learn more about the grudges that people manage to cling onto for years, we reached out to Olivia Brouillette-Wardhono, Founder, Lead Psychologist and Integrative Somatic Practitioner at Therapy With Olivia. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss how healthy it is to hold onto anger like this.

"When we're talking about grudges, I think it can be good to start with what a grudge actually is and how serious of a grudge you are holding onto," Olivia shared. "For example, the first comment I saw from this post was about a friend eating both hashbrowns while going to ski hungover. In a situation like this, how serious is that grudge really? Are they still friends and hang out? Is it something that comes up in good humor?"

"If it's a good humor 'grudge' that all parties are aware of, are a part of, and agree are funny/silly, then a grudge can, in theory, benefit those relationships," the therapist explained. "It can show that you and your friends are on the same page, share similar senses of humor, and can make light of potentially difficult situations. However, when this is not the case (and most times it's not), grudges usually end up being more harmful and have little to no benefits in the long run."

"A grudge can offer some beneficial ideas to us, such as signaling when we've been wrong, why that's happened; maybe a grudge even helps you reflect on your relationships and whether or not they're healthy for you to be in," Olivia noted. "It can also give us a sense of identity, a sense of purpose -- someone wronged you, you know they were wrong, you are rightfully angry, therefore you are just in your feelings and gives you purpose."

But holding onto a grudge isn't always productive. "It's when the grudges go on for a prolonged period of time, where you are the only one feeling the sense of 'wronged' or anger that you lose the healthy parts and begin to, essentially, torment yourself while the other person continues on blissfully unaware of your feelings," Olivia explained. "Any emotion up to a certain point is healthy and beneficial to you, but when you do not act on the emotion and only allow it to consume you, you miss the point of the emotion altogether."

"Any negative emotion that is held onto for an extended period of time can be harmful, and holding onto a grudge is no different," Olivia shared. "When we hold onto a grudge for a prolonged period of time and make it part of our identity, we create a wall around ourselves from the kindness of others, especially the person (or people) who wronged you."

"We can easily become consumed by our own hurt and pain that we can end up pushing people away and isolating ourselves," the therapist noted. "In fact, the longer we hold onto the grudge and the anger, we end up feeding our anger even more, becoming angrier and angrier, pushing people away, refusing to accept what's happened and move forward, and we can even morph what happened into a larger wrong that is completely unforgivable, when it may in fact be not having a hashbrown that you were excited about."

"Basically, the longer you hold onto a grudge, the angrier you will become, the less trusting of others you may feel, and all of that can create a perfect storm for loneliness and isolation," Olivia warns.

When it comes to letting go of a grudge, Olivia says the first step is validating your emotions and understanding the why. "First and foremost, you are allowed to feel however you feel. You are allowed to be hurt and angry when someone does something to cause you pain," she noted. "Try your best to validate your emotions and allow them space to come up and out, then start asking yourself why. Why are you feeling so wronged? What did this other person do to cause this much pain? Why is that so hurtful for you?"