Unsolicited advice from a friend is often delivered with a sweet, patronizing tone. It is a 'helpful' lecture that usually ends up being pure t*****e. You're supposed to smile, nod, and accept their wisdom, even when every fiber of your being wants to scream.
But hypocrisy is what can really make it sting. It's the friend who tells you to save money while wearing a brand new designer bag. For one woman, a condescending lecture on natural beauty from a friend with secret lip fillers was a hypocrisy too rich to ignore.
More info: Reddit
Few things can sour a friendship as quickly as some unsolicited advice and good old hypocrisy
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
After a Black woman said she didn't want to get 'too dark,' her white friend gave her a condescending lecture
Image credits: Wavebreak Media / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman clapped back at her friend, pointing out her friend's lip fillers, veneers, and desire to get a tan
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The brutal takedown revealed her friend's secret plastic surgery to the rest of the group
Image credits: PencilPenPapers
The friend was left in tears, and the woman couldn’t help but wonder if her response was too harsh
The scene was set for a perfect beach day, but a simple request for an umbrella quickly turned the whole thing sour. The narrator, the only Black woman in her friend group, wanted some shade to avoid getting "too dark." Her friend, Cindy, immediately launched into a patronizing lecture about how she needed to "accept her own skin" and that "being Black is beautiful."
The narrator, a 24-year-old woman perfectly capable of making her own decisions, was not having it. She decided to turn the mirror back on Cindy, a woman who is no stranger to wanting a tan. She unleashed a verbal torrent, questioning Cindy's own self-love: "Why can't you just love your own lips? Why did you get lip fillers? Aren't you happy with the way god made you?"
This clapback had an unintended consequence: it was breaking news to some of the other friends in the group. Cindy had been passing off her cosmetic procedures as her "natural" look, and now her secret was out. The brutal honesty, combined with the public exposure, left Cindy in tears.
The narrator was left wrestling with a mix of justification and guilt. She knows she was harsh and maybe "should have stopped earlier," but she's also furious at being spoken down to in such a belittling way. She's now asking the internet if she's the jerk for using the truth as a weapon against her condescending friend.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Cindy's lecture is the perfect example of "performative allyship," a term Forbes describes as someone from a dominant group publicly supporting a marginalized group in a way that is self-serving or superficial. This kind of "support" is often condescending because it assumes the marginalized person needs to be educated on their own identity.
Cindy’s attempt to try and position herself as an enlightened, anti-racist person completely ignores the complex and deeply personal issue of colorism. For many Black people, the desire to not get "too dark" is not a sign of self-hatred but a response to a real and painful societal bias where lighter skin is often afforded more privilege, the World Economic Forum explains.
While exposing a friend's secret is generally a breach of trust, the OP's clapback can be seen as a desperate act to call out hypocrisy. Dr. Jake Teeny highlights that it is important to call out hypocrisy using questions, rather than statements. In the unfortunate instance, the OP’s questions were a little more damning than intended.
Do you think the poster did the right thing by calling her out? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
The internet overwhelmingly sided with the woman, calling her friend's lecture hypocritical and performative
