Say it with me, ‘It’s never okay to comment on other people’s bodies.’ Whether positive or negative, remarks on someone’s appearance can cause them to feel insecure and less confident about themselves. Since we don’t know what people are going through, it’s better to refrain from offering any observations on others’ looks.
Unfortunately, this birthday guest didn’t get the memo. Every year during the celebration, she would meet a woman and comment on how skinny she was. Growing tired of receiving remarks on her appearance, the woman came up with a perfect reply, which shockingly earned her a slap on the face.
Scroll down to find the full story and conversation with Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, PMH-C, a licensed therapist specializing in eating disorders in Los Angeles, CA, who kindly agreed to tell us more about how comments on our bodies affect us.
Whether positive or negative, it's never okay to comment on someone else's body
Image credits: pe_jo / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, this woman didn't get the memo and caused quite the scene during a birthday party
Image credits: kues1 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Heavenstobestie
57% of young people receive comments about their appearance at least once a week
Image credits: stockking / freepik (not the actual photo)
57% of young people receive comments about their appearance at least once a week. 76% of those who do worry about their looks just as frequently, the Verywell Mind survey suggests. This means that remarks related to our looks can disturb our self-image and make us think negatively about ourselves and our bodies.
"Commenting on someone’s body inevitably brings their own body's appearance to the forefront of their mind, perpetuating a cycle of self-evaluation and comparison to others," explains licensed therapist specializing in eating disorders, Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, PMH-C.
"Keeping that focus reinforces societal beauty standards and can contribute to body dissatisfaction or even intensify disordered eating behaviors. Even when comments are intended to be positive or in a self-conscious way, they still shift attention toward external appearance rather than internal qualities."
Seemingly innocent comments on people's appearance can have very harmful consequences because we don’t know the reason behind how a person looks. The individual who lost or gained weight could be grieving, recovering from health issues, experiencing depression, or battling with an eating disorder. Reminding them of their struggles can make them feel even more self-conscious and stressed out.
Unfortunately, too many people toss comments on other people’s appearance as if it were natural, genuinely meaning them with no awareness of why it might be harmful. "As we grow up, we’re constantly exposed to judgment—whether through media, peers, or even our parents. One of the most visible and easily criticized aspects of a person is their body, making it a common topic of interest," said Goldberg.
"The tendency to judge or bond over criticizing others easily leads to conversations about appearance. Also, for some, commenting on someone else’s body can be a way to cope with their own insecurities, while for others, it may serve as a source of motivation when they admire a particular person’s body."
If you can’t find something nice to say, it’s better to say nothing at all
Image credits: stockking / freepik (not the actual photo)
Instead of focusing on people’s physical appearance and making them feel conscious about it, we should move our attention to their character, talents, values, humor, and strength.
"A great way to compliment someone without focusing on appearance is to acknowledge their dedication to something they’re passionate about, mentioning that you view it as inspiring," agrees Goldberg.
"Complimenting their positive outlook and the way their presence brightens your day can also be a kind acknowledgment. Highlighting their creativity—such as their sense of style, how they design their home or their out-of-the-box problem-solving skills—shows you are seeing something about them deeper than their external look."
Dr. Elizabeth Wassenaar, regional medical director at the Eating Recovery Center, also suggests replacing appearance-related words with verbs signifying action. For instance, “You look so happy when you’re doing that,” “I wish I could be there with you, joining you in that activity” or “Gosh, it looks like the sun is warm, and you’re really enjoying it.”
By making this change, a person is moving from judgment to taking the time to engage with others and the environment they’re in, fostering a connection and a better relationship with them. “It doesn’t have a thing to do with whether their body is acceptable to society or not,” Wassenaar said.
When in doubt, we should all just try to stick by this rule: if you can’t find something nice to say, it’s better to say nothing at all.
Most readers believed that the original poster's reply was justified
While some thought it was uncalled for
