In life, we are often told to be the bigger person, teaching us to be kinder and more forgiving. However, a person can only take so much, and when their patience limit is reached, it can be tempting to throw civil discourse out the window.
Something similar to this happened between these cousins after one of them couldn’t stop giving nagging comments about the other’s wedding, which turned the family gathering they were a part of quite sour.
When a person's patience wears thin, it can be hard to be the bigger person
Image credits: carlesmiro / Envato (not the actual photo)
When this woman got sick of cousin's comments about her wedding, she clapped back, throwing the bigger person mentality out of the window
Image credits: Lobachad / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: _swamp_bi**h_
Sometimes letting things go and being the bigger person is easier
Image credits: A. C. / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Sometimes letting things go and being the bigger person is easier than disturbing your peace and using your energy to start a disagreement with someone. Conflicts make our lives unnecessarily complicated, and by being a bigger person, one is actively choosing not to let negative emotions get the best of them.
“When you decide to be the bigger person it’s about saying, ‘I’m not willing to be entangled with you in this way for an extended period of time or permanently,’” said licensed psychologist La Keita D. Carter. By deciding to walk away from an argument, we aren’t letting the other person “win,” but we’re rather choosing a healthier option, which is accepting the fact that a pointless dispute isn’t worth our time, energy, and the negative emotions it causes.
People often view conflict as a sort of competition in which the winner takes all and no one wants to acknowledge defeat. However, such an approach to relationships is far from helpful in fostering a healthy bond. All the things that are said in the heat of the moment can result in a fallout, and if you want to preserve relationships that are truly dear to you, it might be worth it to let things go even if you believe you’re right.
Psychologist Christian de la Huerta suggests that even when we’re right about an argument, the pleasure of ‘winning’ or having an upper hand is fleeting and not really worth it in the end, especially if your relationship with someone is plagued with discord and mistrust because of it.
And other times there’s no actual benefit to being a bigger person
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
However, like with almost anything in life, these suggestions can’t be applied to every single situation we’re in. In some cases, being a bigger person isn’t worth it. If a person did everything to de-escalate the situation, actively listened to the person, and showed kindness and compassion, and the other person still continues with their disagreeable behavior, then it might be understandable if a person doesn’t respond like a saint.
Sometimes there’s no actual benefit to being a bigger person, which is totally fine. There are moments when you have to speak up and advocate for yourself and set boundaries when they’re necessary. That said, it’s important to note that boundaries are meant for creating better relationships instead of disconnection. Boundaries should be set when a person’s space and energy are infringed upon, and done thoughtfully, taking into consideration the other person.
“Boundaries allow us to be at our best, most present selves when interacting with others. Here’s the boundaries mantra I teach my clients and students: My boundaries benefit both of us,” said licensed marriage and family therapist Rachel Astarte in a previous interview with Bored Panda.
When worst comes to worst, you can always just remove yourself from situations where you’re tired of being a bigger person. As Mel Robbins, the most trusted expert in personal growth, said, “If you always have to be the bigger person, maybe you should spend less time hanging around such small people.”
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Many commenters thought the woman's comeback was deserved
While some disagreed
