Whenever we date someone, we ideally want to get along with their family too. After all, they’re a big part of our partner’s life, and while it’s not a requirement, it definitely makes things easier.
For one woman, everything seemed to be going smoothly. She’d been with her boyfriend for two years and, by all accounts, had a good relationship with his mom as well. But that changed when the mom accidentally found out that the woman’s parents are polyamorous. She was caught off guard by it and clearly not happy.
Now, the young woman is terrified that his mom’s reaction is about to turn her relationship upside down. Read the full story below.
The woman told her boyfriend’s mom that she was raised by polyamorous parents
Image credits: Wavebreak Media / freepik (not the actual photo)
She was clearly not pleased, and now the young woman is afraid her own relationship will fall apart because of it
Image credits: Camandona / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowRApolyparent
Research shows that if parents don’t approve of their child’s partner, it can put a real strain on the couple
As we become adults, we’re told that this is when we finally get to make our own choices. We build our lives, surround ourselves with people we care about, and date who we want. But those choices don’t exist in a vacuum, and this story is a good reminder of that.
Even as adults, what we do gets noticed and judged by the people around us. And when it comes to dating, a partner’s family can have more influence than we’d like to admit. If they don’t approve of you, it creates an uncomfortable tension in the relationship, one that’s hard to ignore and even harder to navigate.
In this particular story, we don’t have the full picture. The boyfriend’s mom was clearly shocked and didn’t handle things well, but we don’t know yet whether she’ll truly stand in the way of the couple. We also don’t know exactly where the boyfriend stands, though it’s clear he’s struggling with it.
What we do know is that science backs up the worry here. One study found that the more parental approval people felt, the less relationship distress they reported. Another showed that when parents or friends disapprove of a partner, it tends to be associated with worse relationship quality overall, though how much it affects things depends largely on how securely attached the people involved are.
Image credits: DC Studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
But luckily, that doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed because of it
That said, parental disapproval doesn’t have to be the end of the road. Psychotherapist and dating coach Kate Stewart told Refinery29 that a lot depends on how the couple handles it together.
According to her, it becomes a real problem when someone is deeply enmeshed with their family and feels a strong pull to meet their expectations. But if a partner isn’t easily swayed by their parents’ opinions, the relationship can absolutely continue.
At the same time, Stewart cautions that things can change over time. “There are times when people will say, ‘I’m not that close to my family and it doesn’t matter,’ but then someone has kids, someone gets ill, or something happens and they’re around [their parents] more,” she told Refinery29.
“It’s really good to have a conversation upfront to have a clear idea of what the expectation is, and to know if [your partner] has your back,” she suggested.
That’s really the heart of it. The best thing this young woman can do is talk openly with her boyfriend about how she’s feeling and pay close attention to how he responds. If he’s understanding and willing to work through it with her, that’s a good sign. If he’s dismissive or avoids the conversation altogether, that tells her something too.
At the end of the day, not everyone is going to approve of your relationship, and sometimes that includes your partner’s parents. It’s a tough spot to be in, but it’s not an impossible one. A lot will depend on whether her boyfriend is willing to stand by her—and hopefully, he will.
The woman followed up in the comment section, replying to questions and explaining more of what happened
Readers, in turn, left encouraging messages and shared advice on how to handle the situation
